Is losing a pet the same as losing a relative?

[Thejewellershands]

This question has been inspired from another thread that I read this morning and got me wondering.

Do you think that losing a pet is comparable/the same as losing a relative?

I have a dog and two cats and on one hand if I lost a close family member and someone compares it to them losing their cat I’d probably be a bit annoyed. But then again, when I put myself in the position of losing one of my animals I know that I will feel utterly devastated and heartbroken. Grief is grief and loss is loss. But are they comparable? What do you think?

I will be more devastated when my dogs die than some relatives, but less for others. Not all relatives are nice.

Obviously some people aren’t that close to their family so in some circumstances it doesn’t really grate. But having witnessed a friend who lost her toddler to cancer, I can’t be dealing with people who compare losing their pet to a child. I wouldn’t say anything, I’d just think they were monumentally clueless.

Losing my cats I'd grown up with hit me much, much harder than losing my Dad (who showed me far less unconditional love and wasn't a consistently positive presence in my life).

It depends on the relative and how close they are to you.

I’ve never experienced worse grief that losing our dog who was one aged one. It was completely unexpected and I couldn’t function properly for a very long time.

I’ve only lost relatives that I wasn’t close to though. The thought of losing my partner or children is not a place I let my mind wonder to very often.

Grief isn’t a competition anyway. You feel what you feel.

No.
My dog died last year. My Dad died 10 years ago. I loved my dog, but, unsurprisingly, my Dad's absence has left a considerably larger void in my life. And I would say I'm still grieving the loss of my Dad, as it sometimes catches me unawares - like a song that he loved comes on the radio, or my kids do or say something that he would. I don't get any of that with the loss of my dog.

We lost our dog ten days ago and I have never felt grief like it except when my mum died.

The loss of a pet vs the loss of a human is a different kind of loss/ pain/ grief but doesn’t mean one is always easier than the other. Obviously it also depends on the circumstances, losing a pet or relative to old age is always going to feel different to an unexpected loss at a younger age, it’s painful but I think less devastating when the loss is age related because you don’t get the constant what ifs imagining what it would have been like if they’d lived longer, if they were still here now, if they’d lived to see or do this and that etc. I think losing a relative before their time is harder than losing a pet partly because of that future you imagined, not just with them but for them. I lost a parent suddenly and unexpectedly when they were still relatively young and I often feel sad that they haven’t been there for the birth of grandchildren, weddings and engagements etc, I also feel sad they never got to enjoy retirement and wonder what life would be like for them now. I lost a cat at a couple of years old and it was very sad at the time, but I don’t think about her now in the same way, I don’t wonder what she would be doing now or grieve for the things she missed out on seeing for example. The grief certainly hasn’t been as long lasting with the cat and I don’t think about her as often as I do my parent.

Losing a pet can be devastating, but it can also be not so devastating. When our dog died, I was a tiny bit sad (I sat up with her all night on her last night) but I didn't feel such a strong bond, whereas my mum was devastated.

Losing my husband- I don't think I'll ever learn to live with it.

I think the best thing to do is never to compare. If your friend rings you and says her dog/grandpa/child has died, don't ever say anything like 'oh I felt just like that when my dog/grandpa/child' died. You don't know and just being there and recognising their grief and helping them live through it is enough.

It depends on the pet and the human.

Pets can sometimes be a huge part of someone's day to day life, their routine, their hobby, their social life and having that taken away abruptly can be devastating so we shouldn't minimise the loss people feel.

Losing a pet can also be traumatic and often people question their decisions and blame themselves because they are ultimately responsible for the choice to end their pet's life.

But even all that is nothing compared with say losing a child, or the early/unexpected loss of a spouse, parent or sibling.

I loved our 21 year old cat with every fiber of my being. But her loss did not compare to the grief I felt on the death of my mother. I think it’s the enduring nature of the loss that marks it as different. Nearly 3 years later I am still grieving my mother. 2 years on from the death of our beloved cat I still think of her often, with such tenderness, but I no longer cry for her or mourn her in the same way as my mother. Obviously if one does not love one’s relatives then that is different.

Its completely situational.

For example, I adored my late dog and was devastated when she died however, I was more devastated when my dad died. However (I wouldnt say this out loud) I was more upset when my dog died than uncle Frank who I didnt see much of.

I dont think its ever acceptable to voice ot out loud which ever way you feel...its one of those things that doesnt need to be said

I agree that it depends totally on the relative and the relationship. I didn't feel grief when my father died because, although he was still married to my mother, he'd never wanted a relationship or conversation with any of his children. He banished us from their house if we did something he disapproved of.

I shall be devastated when my cat (19) and my mother (94) die.

And people who don’t have pets and just don’t understand, should absolutely refrain from saying, ‘Well, you can always get another,’ after someone’s much-loved cat or dog dies.
(As a colleague said to me after our dog was PTS - as if I’d had my laptop nicked or something.)

The grief I felt on losing my father was awful, but I am ashamed to admit that the grief I felt for my cat was all consuming. I think that seeing my dad only 3 or 4 times a year was one of the factors, as that cat was the first thing I saw in the morning and the last thing at night.

As has been said, grief is grief.

To me it is but then my family aren't the best

I think it depends on the family member and how close you are.

My family live far away so I've never been close to them (even grandparents/aunts & uncles), so while I was sad for my parents when they died, I didn't feel strongly myself. Parents or siblings would be different of course.

Whereas pets have been in my everyday life, so the loss feels huge.

Depends on the relative, surely?

I mean, I was more upset when my cat died than I was when my grandparents died, but I wasn't close to them and hadn't seem them for years when they passed away (they lived on the other side of the world).

It depends like so many things, an elderly pet dying isn't the same as the shock of a younger pet suddenly dying or being killed in an accident, I'd also argue that loosing a cat on the roads that you have allowed to roam isn't the same as losing one from eg sudden medical event.

I'd also say that loosing an elderly relative who has been ill for an extended period, in pain, is not the same as sudden death of a younger person, sounds like a hierarchy of grief but I have found in my life (personally and professionally due to work) it is different. I'm not doubting that suddenly losing your 6 year old dog can be harder at the time than an elderly grandmother, so I would be very sympathetic but with pets we do tend to "get over it" quicker whereas human loss grief can be very long lasting from what of a better expression.

The most important thing is to be kind to people who have lost someone or some creature ... we take things differently and never make assumptions

I think grief is a very personal thing and if someone grieves for an animal companion that they have loved then that is fine .

Why does it have to be compared? Surely it depends on so many factors.

I loved my great aunt but only saw her once a year. Her passing was sad but didn't impact my life.

When my big soppy boy dog who followed me everywhere died, it was like I'd had a part of me chopped off. Still not over it 3 years later. No comparison because it's a different relationship.

I think if the worst loss you can possibly imagine is your dog or cat it’s likely an indictor you don’t have the best/closest relationships with your family/friends. I find it hard to believe anyone who has lost a child/sibling/decent and a pet would say the loss is the same or it’s worse losing the pet

Depends which pet, depends which relative

Losing my dog was most definitely the worst feeling ever, my mother passed and I was relieved for her and me after a long illness. Holding my beloved dog in my arms and saying goodbye absolutely broke me. To this day I still feel such sadness over that final day. 😞

No, I’ve lost pets but the devastation of losing my mum wasn’t comparable in the slightest.

I have pets and I have lost pets.
I have also lost four immediate family members including two siblings and a spouse.
I guess that some people may try to compare their loss of a pet to one of my close relatives.

But I think they would be incredibly insensitive to suggest that it would an equal loss to me.
I think the context is important.