Is losing a pet the same as losing a relative?

[Thejewellershands]

This question has been inspired from another thread that I read this morning and got me wondering.

Do you think that losing a pet is comparable/the same as losing a relative?

I have a dog and two cats and on one hand if I lost a close family member and someone compares it to them losing their cat I’d probably be a bit annoyed. But then again, when I put myself in the position of losing one of my animals I know that I will feel utterly devastated and heartbroken. Grief is grief and loss is loss. But are they comparable? What do you think?

I mean it depends on the relative and the pet. Tbh I think my devastation scale would be immediate family, then darling dog, then more distant relatives. I’m not saying it wouldn’t be sad if great aunt x passed but that darling dog has more of a daily impact on my life.

My pets matter more to me than any humans, related or not. I side-eye anyone who comes out with the "it's just an animal" attitude. Their loss can be absolutely devastating. I've never grieved that deeply, but I've seen it. Family depends on the relationship. Why would one grieve for a PoS just because one has the misfortune to be related to them?

a close friend of mine said losing her dog was the worst pain she's ever felt, much worse than losing her father who she was close to!

No. No, no, no.

My DM told me the first she saw my DF cry was when they had the family dog put to sleep

Why? Do you think loving pets and grieving for them is something to be ashamed of? Or that people who love and grieve for their pets are some sort of freakish minority ? Do you think all relatives are worthy of grief just because they're related?

Depends very much on the relationship. I don't even remember when my father died a few years ago. He left when I was nine and I hadn't seen him in decades. Why would I grieve for him, a man who was never a good father, who opted out, and lived a long life, more than for my darling cat I lost to cancer when he was eight?

Well said.

I love my pets but this is in no way the same

I disagree.

My friend lost her dog 5 years ago and slept with his ashes for at least a year afterwards. She said the pain was greater than losing her parents. That may be unfathomable to me but it's her pain and who am I to argue?

I'm a dog owner but losing a close friend or relative would be much worse for me and I love my dog but I wouldn't undermine anyone else's grief because we are all different.

Nonsense. Loving animals isn't some sort of consolation prize. I carried the sadness of one cat's death for years, because it was sudden, early and I was on the other side of the world when it happened. I wasn't substituting him or "shadow grieving" for anyone. Why assume anyone wants a relationship with estranged or simply unknown relatives?

I would like to say no, but the truth is, I have grieved 2 very special pets more than a family member.

I have lots of decent humans in my life, but my pets mean more to me than any of them. My pets are my loved ones and humans are friends.

Grief is grief, it's immeasurable. There is no better or worse, harder or easier. You can never compare one loss to another.

I've lost both my parents and four of my cats in the past four years. I felt the same amount of grief for them all. I loved my parents dearly, but they had both lived good long lives. Only one of my cats was old, and I actually lived with the cats so felt their loss very much.

It can have the same emotional impact o you depending on your relationship wit your pets/family

I think when they say keep it to yourself the mean when someone says their child has died don't say I know how you feel I felt the same when I lost my cat because its not the same and its a disgusting thing to say

If that's the context they mean, I agree; I would never say such a thing to a grieving parent (or compare grief to anyone in the throes of it). The way it was worded sounded very much broader, like one should never mention grieving for a pet at all.

People who grief excessively over pets are emotionally incompetent.

People who make statements like this are ignorant and stupid. 😊

"Excessively"? What, then, is the acceptable level of grief? Do you place limits on grieving for humans?

Grief is grief.

Love for a pet is often uncomplicated and so the grief for them can be pure and easy to feel deeply.

Love for a human is, inevitably, filled with complexities and often tinged with times they may have hurt or upset you - even accidentally and even though they are good people who loved you. That can make the grief more complex. Caring for a human at the end can be fucking hard and then can murk the grief. Parents 'fuck you up, your mum and dad' and that can murk the grief.

Loss of a child may well be something else entirely and thankfully I do not know that grief. But can be imagined to be just about the hardest thing of all, tbh.

Maybe.

So too people without empathy.

I’m so sorry it’s devastating isn’t it!
That almost exact scenario happened to our dog almost 4 weeks ago.
I sobbed the whole night.

However thank you for posting because we didn’t know our dog was ill but she had been drinking a bit more and I had thought I must get blood tests run. I think now she too must have had the beginnings of kidney problems.

We haven’t got got another ddog yet as dd is pregnant and asked us to wait, which I understand.
I do find myself looking at dogs on the kennel club website though.