Is it harder to cope with ageing when you are beautiful?

[ettieb]

I have a friend who is absolutely gorgeous.. she is mid fifties now and still looks lovely but obviously is showing signs of ageing. I have seen pictures of her when she was younger and she was stunning. She is a lovely person and makes jokes about her ageing and is very self depreciating. I am fat and average looking... I'm not finding ageing too bad as I didn't look that great to begin with. I think it must be so difficult when you have been attractive and then it gradually fades. I know people will say it's what's inside and it doesn't matter but surely being stunning must define you to some degree and make ageing more difficult to come to terms with?

I wish I'd had that problem!!!

Im 62 and not ageing well. I did some modelling in my youth, hair modelling because I am too short to do catwalk stuff at 5 foot 5.
I am loving ageing. Men dont look at me now which is great. They treated like a piece of meat when I was young and I was never dated for my personality always my looks. Im glad to be shot of it all. Beauty bought me no happiness at all. I'm very happy now.

This isn't my experience in terms of secondary school acquaintances. What I've noticed is a huge difference in class, sadly. Those from poorer backgrounds are aging terrible whilst those from middle class backgrounds are aging very well. It's really opened my eyes to the heath differences between the classes in this country.
For example, I'm thinking of the two most attractive people who were at school. There was this really attractive young lad. Gorgeous boy! Tall, muscular, just very handsome. However, he grew up in a poor family and now seems to live on cigarettes, beer and take aways. He's now incredibly obese and has completely lost his looks. There was also the most beautiful girl at school. Again. her unhealthy lifestyle has led to her looking about 65 (we're 50). Several people from my year at school have died already - these were all people who grew up in deprivation.
In contrast, the middle class kids I knew all look pretty much the same. Yes, they have some lines around their eyes but they are completely recognisable from their school days.

It is a struggle I'll admit, but seeing my friend's faces usually cheers me up 😊

I recently watched "The Substance", really enjoyed it and it addresses this topic well.

Demi Moore is gorgeous but in the film she really struggled with looking older. I'm 6 years younger than her and would be thrilled if I looked like that! But she was really unhappy in the movie.

I'm on the low side of average looks wise and I haven't really struggled. I've accepted myself as I am. We all get old, if we're lucky. It's true I haven't really "lost" anything looks wise, other than youth. I don't do anything to try and look younger, don't even dye my hair anymore. Can't be doing with all the faff! But if I was trying to maintain beauty, I guess I would put more effort in.

Yeah, I find that to be true as well. In my family there is a distant relative who was "the beautiful one" since she was very young (a lovely person, very humble and sweet, but she is movie-star gorgeous and nobody could deny this). Other relatives were a bit envious of her, and while growing up I sometimes heard them whisper (with glee) that this person will find it difficult to get older. However, now they are all in their 70s and "the beautiful one" is still the best looking of them all and still gets complimented on her looks and elegance, she aged amazingly well. Obviously she doesn't look 25, but she has amazing bone structure, lovely skin and hair etc.

It's pretty funny to me. I think people like to tell themselves "beauty fades" as a consolation thought if they don't have it. Sometimes it's true, sometimes it's not, so don't rely on your beautiful acquaintances becoming ugly to make yourself feel better! But to be honest, being beautiful hasn't been that much of a blessing to my relative. She had a very hard life.

Yeah, I find that to be true as well. In my family there was a woman who was "the beautiful one" since she was very young (a lovely person, very humble and sweet, but she was movie-star gorgeous and nobody could deny this). Other relatives were a bit envious of her, and while growing up I sometimes heard them whisper (with glee) that this person will find it difficult to get older. However, now they are all in their 70s and "the beautiful one" is still the best looking of them all and still gets complimented on her looks, she aged amazingly well. Obviously she doesn't look 25, but she has amazing bone structure, lovely skin and hair etc. It's pretty funny to me.

@DancingLions I fancy that film. Might watch it tonight as available to stream now on amazon.

I think there is a difference to knowing you are very good looking/beautiful and accepting it

I knew, I was told constantly from as young as I can remember and often shown off. I was never told I was clever or smart and I picked up that my looks were important to me to getting on in this world. Maybe if i was an actress of a model then this would apply. I always always will comment on smartness/intelligence over appearance (when situation applies)

I have been able to accept that looks do fade, you can still look great as you mature (not so much for myself but that's life) but you do not have the same impact on people and really I mean men as when you are young and beautiful it was powerful and well I am glad I was aware and enjoyed it.

Being so self absorbed to think that its devastating to loose your looks or to cling on to the need to have the attention you once had is so unattractive. I have family members who can not stop dropping it in to every conversation, relevant or not, how beautiful they once were (from both sides of my family) I do not know if I should pity them of say ffs get over yourself

My Mum had a hard life with her parents and then my father but her "thing" was always how beautiful and glamourous she was, unfortunately it manifested in being overly competitive with other women. She was very fixated on looks and very disparaging about other womens looks or if another woman was beautiful she would find another way to attack them. She was a very clever and capable woman but those weren't things she valued in herself or anyone else.
As her looks went she got more and more bitter about it and her target range widened to include her grand daughters (never DD in my ear shot though) and now they have quite unhappy memories of her sadly.

@alrightluv

I recommend it. Endings a bit crazy but the story itself is really good.

Cheers

I'm the opposite, I never liked the male attention when I was younger. Ick.
I like being invisible now I'm in my 50s, it's so much more freeing!

To the op's question, how long have you known your friend? Because I felt worse about ageing in my 40s than I do now, I guessed I've done to terms with it more. But it really hit me harder earlier on, maybe even late 30s.

If someone is really beautiful they don't usually turn into mingers in a few decades unless you really haven't taken care of yourself. Even then you'd still manage to hold onto some of it surely. I think lots of people like to convince themselves they were attractive/head turners in youth when really they were just average and had youth. Like another poster said, completely losing your looks as you get older is something to make the average person feel better.

Just as an aside I've never attracted attention for my looks in 50 years, I'm average with nice big eyes but I suppose my nose and teeth are a little wonky... And during Covid with a mask on covering them I got more male attention than I ever had, doors opened, real flirting etc... gave me an insight into another world!

One thing that always makes me wince is reading an affair thread where the OP talks about how they stay "nice and slim" and "take care of their looks", whilst describing the OW as dumpy/scruffy.

I know it's coming from a place of hurt, but if your partner only values you because you're nice and slim and well-groomed, then that's depressing enough in the first place, surely?

But if the partner has had an affair with someone less slim and groomed, then presumably that wasn’t the value they placed on their wife/partner in the first place?

Affair partners are often a downgrade.

Perhaps they’re an upgrade in other ways than appearance? And, no, I’ve never been the OW!

No. I think someone who is prepared to get involved with married people is really not an upgrade!

Of course the married person is the skank but the ap is willingly involving themselves in lies and deceit. So no, not an upgrade.

You think someone seeking an affair doesn’t lie?