Is it harder to cope with ageing when you are beautiful?

[ettieb]

I have a friend who is absolutely gorgeous.. she is mid fifties now and still looks lovely but obviously is showing signs of ageing. I have seen pictures of her when she was younger and she was stunning. She is a lovely person and makes jokes about her ageing and is very self depreciating. I am fat and average looking... I'm not finding ageing too bad as I didn't look that great to begin with. I think it must be so difficult when you have been attractive and then it gradually fades. I know people will say it's what's inside and it doesn't matter but surely being stunning must define you to some degree and make ageing more difficult to come to terms with?

Vanity is deeply tedious. I have an octogenarian mother who STILL goes on about people calling her beautiful. God enough already.

I just focus on my health. I’m the acceptable end of attractive and that’s good enough for me.

Do people genuinely think good looking people have a leg up in life?

I think that Eva Green is far, far more beautiful than Margot Robbie! Margot is pretty, but Eva is absolutely stunning.

Of course they do. A current example, as the Girls Aloud tour is in the news today, is Cheryl Cole. Do you honestly think that if she looked like the back end of a bus she would have been in Girls Aloud? No, she'd probably be on benefits and have five kids by three different fathers.

Yes she's average but she has youth in her side. I've noticed a number of people commenting (well men mainly) that she couldn't possibly be guilty.

She does look young & innocent so I suppose that plays into it.

There are different types of beauty as well. Certain features, like high cheekbones, age particularly well imo.

Yes agree with different beauty & high cheekbones are like scaffolding.

Do people genuinely think good looking people have a leg up in life?

I think if you look attractive/healthy, with good skin, hair, teeth etc and are smiley/approachable people often do perceive you as being kinder/nicer/more approachable etc.

This is a topic in itself. The same goes for losing parents, those who have enjoyed a full, close knit, best friendship type of a bond with their parent(s) and were a phone call away from a chat about almost anything, a problem shared, advice, words of wisdom and physical support be it with childcare or household things have a horrible time when they pass. They've loved and lost, at they say. The price of love, if grief.

Whereas those who almost grieved for their parents whilst they were still alive due to not having that bond, really escape the grief altogether.

In conclusion, anything we have, we risk losing - looks, brains, wealth, love, family members, health.

Another example. The more active a person, is it harder when they lose their mobility layer? Look at professional footballers who retire young, many fall into depression, whilst the rest of us kick start our careers at the same time. Mind you, we never had what they had in our early adulthood - praise, success, fame, millionaire wealth, opposite sex throwing themselves at you.

Oh dear, my cheekbones are somewhere around my feet so I've got no hope

The women in my family are naturally beautiful. Amongst my immediate relatives we have had an actor, a ballet dancer and at least four of us have been models.

I would say for my Mother who has now died and my younger sister it was and still is ageing was extremely tough for them. Of all of us those two were outstanding beauties, I mean breathtaking, they looked quite alike really.

It is true people treat you well, they want to talk to you, I’m still someone though in my later fifties who people seem to like quickly. I haven’t done anything to warrant this and make friends very easily. I have retired now so joined some classes, I was invited to the inner sanctum of one group immediately. It reminded me of popular girls at school so I dropped that class.

It has caused issues. My younger sister and a niece have eating disorders. Another niece has gone down the cosmetic surgery route as is quite distressed about ageing.

@MidnightMeltdown thats what we have inherited very high cheekbones, long legs, olive tone skin and heart shaped faces, Mother and younger sister had hazel eyes as well which are rare.

@curiouslycoy In a world where looks are judged it meant we were all very confident and people like confidence. I was making the current day equivalent of about £100 per hour modelling when I was only 17. It’s easier to get men to do what you want, my sister especially exploited many men. She go one sap to buy her a car.

Of course they do. I found that both men and women love having me around because I am so beautiful.

It helped me in my career as a supermodel, international rock-star, hollywood actress, and entrepreneur. It might have helped me bag a beautiful, successful billionaire husband but he assures me that it's my modesty that made him fall in love with me.

She definitely is as beautiful on the inside as well as the outside... I'm honestly not annoyed.. of course I would love to look like her but she must have attracted so much attention when she was younger and it must be hard to lose that. It's not that her personality is lacking.. she is kind and great fun. I think that the other thing for me about ageing is that my mother died in her early fifties so i was convinced I would too and am now 3 years older than her when she died. I suppose that changes your attitude as I'm just grateful to be alive.

God of course they do! Don't be so faux naive

I don’t know that making self-deprecating jokes about aging means you’re struggling with it.
I make jokes about aging, but it’s just a bit of a laugh, I’m not in the least bit bothered about aging at all. In fact I welcome it.

I’ve found it ok, I’m now a very pretty mid 50’s woman who looks mid 50’s. I think if you have attractive features and don’t mess around too much with your face then you’ll always be attractive.

I’m struggling with the shape of my body/weight as I’m getting older. I was always so naturally slim and could eat what I like, I liked how I looked - I wouldn’t say I was ever drop dead gorgeous but I think people considered me attractive and I was confident in my looks.
I feel it all went to pot at around 35 and now I don’t like what I see in the mirror/photos, definitely has affected my confidence.
Don’t know if this answers the question or not but I find the change in my looks hard to accept! I’m aware this sounds vain 😔

Yes it's terribly hard. Thank you for checking in.

Everyone's different. I think some beautiful women don't mind at all. Maybe it's even a relief to lose that male attention! But yes, others do find it hard. My friend hates the fact she's no longer a beautiful woman. It was always so important to her and a big part of her life.

I was very attractive and slim when I was younger(53 now)and don’t think I ever appreciated it at the time. I’ve piled on several stone and it’s definitely affected my looks. I keep looking in the mirror and thinking I need to lose weight and get my looks back but then I think nah fuck it I’m never gonna be what I was at 25! 😂

I wouldn’t know 😜

No, I don’t think they do. Sorry but it does sound like you’re secretly getting a little thrill out of imagining she does find it harder to age. I don’t think it’s true that it harder for beautiful people. Nobody (or very few people anyway) categorises themselves as beautiful. They might think they ‘scrub up ok’ or have nice eyes, or appreciate their good skin or whatever, but they look at themselves just like any other woman does as they age.

I can see the signs of ageing in myself and what I don’t like about them is that my complexion doesn’t look as even (the same will happen to beautiful and non-beautiful people); I look more tired and don’t recover from late nights as well as when I was younger (this too will be the same for everyone) and the signs of ageing irritate me because it makes me not look like me (again, that affects every woman).

You surmise that she’s not getting as much attention as when she was younger. That’s not necessarily true - and even if it was, perhaps that’s not something that bothers her. Who wants wolf whistles and tedious, pushy chat up lines all the time?

Finally, she’s in her 50s!! Although she won’t look like she did at 30, she’ll hardly look ancient. When she’s in her 80s of course she’ll look a fair bit different, but one’s primary concerns then are good health - just as yours will be at that age.

I’ve always been considered very attractive, winner of beauty contests when young and then some modelling, I’m 56 now and the past 5 years yes I am struggling with it a bit, I’m still tall and slim and yes people would still consider me attractive for my age, but no I don’t turn heads anymore and I used to all the time up until about age 50 when it fell off a cliff, but when I think about it objectively I think it’s partly because I’ve lost the spring in my step and my confidence has hit the floor since menopause , plus high levels of anxiety so I think me shuffling about in an apologetic manner just for existing doesn’t help rather than me just losing my looks as I age and this is something I need to address. My turkey neck and softening jaw line really do upset me though so I’m thinking of getting that fixed for my 60th.

I suspect it can be harder. Like an athlete who becomes physically incapacitated or an artist who loses the quality of their sight. Or a music lover who loses hearing in one ear or a brilliant scientist who starts losing their mental capacity.

We make up our identity based on many things. This doesn't make people vacuous if beauty is one of those things.

I was very good looking until about 28 and yes a head turner, stopped on street for dates etc.

I then developed a health condition and put 2-3 stone on (now early 30s).

I feel more invisible now though not completely. I'm aware that I need to lose weight and yet a part of me enjoys not getting so much attention. I also have a partner who I know loves me for me.

When I was 29, I panicked. I became obsessive about lines. Now I'm not thrilled about it but I shrug and keep enjoying life. I've lost multiple friends before their time. I feel ok about it but other times miss my youthful looks.

Yes

I’ve never been good looking but always looked much younger than my age. In many respects I still do but I have clearly aged, I’m in the right decade now and rapidly
catching up with my age. I had a physically fit body and was very active when i was younger, even in the earlier days of my physical disability I was still proud of how active I stayed. In the past 10 years that has really gone and I have struggled far more with the loss of activity and the physical changes associated with age and disability. I’d happily be more of an ageing moose to have even close to my actual age related physical capacity back