Is it harder to cope with ageing when you are beautiful?

[ettieb]

I have a friend who is absolutely gorgeous.. she is mid fifties now and still looks lovely but obviously is showing signs of ageing. I have seen pictures of her when she was younger and she was stunning. She is a lovely person and makes jokes about her ageing and is very self depreciating. I am fat and average looking... I'm not finding ageing too bad as I didn't look that great to begin with. I think it must be so difficult when you have been attractive and then it gradually fades. I know people will say it's what's inside and it doesn't matter but surely being stunning must define you to some degree and make ageing more difficult to come to terms with?

I'm 42 and considered beautiful by many people and I can objectively see it too. Through the years, many, many people have told me and I've also been told I'm 'stunning' and 'striking'. I've never been short of admirers.

Looking back, i was always pretty in my teens and twenties but something happened as I got older and I look better now. I think my face has became more angular, my hair and make up look better as I knew what I suited and I have finally perfected my make up style. I also have so much more confidence in myself as a holistic, whole person and I don't need validation from others based on how I look.

I see style and beauty as a bit of fun and it doesn't define me in any way. I don't feel like I'm in competition with anyone, I don't automatically assume youmg women in their 20s are more attractive than me by Virtue of their age either and generally am in a sweet spot where its nice to have them, but I've got more going for me that just my looks.

I think the subtext of the OP is that beautiful women only have beauty and once that starts to go, there is nothing left. Beautiful people can also have many layers to their character; be intelligent, have hobbies, interests, talents, careers, academic studies, a spiritual life, relationships with family and friends, relationship with God, or a million and one other substantial and meaningful aspects to their character which mean they'll be just fine if their beauty fades.

So ageing is not difficult for me. I've still got it, more than I had before even, and if I didn't have it, I'd still be OK.

Not everybody likes the attention though. At some point in my late 30s I realised that when I wore certain make up, clothes and jewellery together, lot of people (men) would look at me. I'd try to meet a friend for a meal or a coffee, men will try to talk to me amd its annoying. I get stared at. Men will just stare. At work the other day, I was talking to a male colleague and I could tell he was getting embarrassed because i was talking to him and then i felt under pressure to act like i hadnt noticed and I just didn't feel good about it.

Anyway, i don't like getting attention from men and decided a few years ago that if I was going anywhere without my husband and kids, I would dial my make up back and try to dress down a bit etc. I actively avoid attention now and actually enjoy that when I'm out with my kids all frazzled and stressed, the staring stops!

Sorry I know that this sounds so boastful. I am cringing writing it !

Sorry about your mum too!

I was say II agree with this entirely It really depends how much you see your identity as your beauty . It's not good to put your entire self as your looks .

I'm not being big headed. I'm being genuinely honest. I was actually very attractive, from probably about 17 or 18 years old, right up to about 40. I really turned mens heads, always got men whistling at me, and trying it on with me. Friends husbands, work colleagues, even the odd neighbour. After a few years it became actually quite annoying, and I got sick to death of not been able to walk down the street without being catcalled and letched at. And I got sick of men trying it on, and fancying their chances with me! Even a couple of DH's colleagues tried it on!

If I had to compare myself to anybody, it would have been probably like Kim Wilde. Very pretty, full lips, large blue eyes, long blonde wavy hair, nice legs, decent boobs. And I'm not Samantha brick. (LOL!) But I genuinely had women at work who were bitter and pissed off and jealous of me (as all the men looked at me and not them.) The men looked at other pretty young women too, but yeah they did ogle me!

Anyway, I hit my early to mid 40s and started to put weight on - probably put two or three stone on and never really lost it. And by my late 40s I can honestly say my looks were gone about 60%. I still am fairly pretty. Got quite a nice face, nice smile, nice eyes, but am quite short. (5' 3") and about two or three stone overweight, and I've gone from what I would say was a 9 out of 10 now to maybe a 5.

I don't turn heads anymore. I don't get any men trying it on or hitting on me. I don't get wolf whistled. I just get men being polite - or just ignoring me... And yes, to be honest with you, it does sometimes bug me a little bit that I'm not as attractive anymore, and I don't turn heads. But I really don't miss the wolf whistles, and men constantly hitting on me, letching at me, leering at me, and in some cases, even groping me. Several men even suggested we have an affair behind the wife's back. I don't miss ANY of that at all.

What does really piss me sometimes off though is this... My two daughters in their mid to late 20s are really striking and beautiful. (Yes, they really are.) And I've had a number of people over the last 5 to 10 years saying 'you girls are gorgeous! Your mum used to be a stunner.' 'Your mum used to be very good looking.' 'Oooh, you got your looks from your mum. She used to be a real knockout!' I actually find it quite insulting and upsetting (not always, but sometimes!) that they say I used to be. I just think 'RUDE! Used to be?! So I'm a minger now am I.'

LOL. I know I'm being ridiculous, you don't need to tell me! 😆

I think also if you are beautiful that stays with you as you age

Not always. I have seen quite a number of celebrities who were stunning when they were younger, who have really not aged well at all!

Some do age wonderfully, but some really don't!

As I said, I was very attractive when I was younger (18 to 40ish) and used to turn mens heads a lot - (and even some womens!) But whilst I am still quite pretty, I don't turn heads now. IMO it's because I gained weight. (About 2-3 stone. My weight fluctuates, but after gaining 2-3 stone I never got back down to my original size 10-12 weight.)

I am in my early-mid 50s now.

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There's only one most beautiful baby in the world and every mother has it

Let's be honest, there are different types of beauty. Yes I think my 76 year old mum is the most beautiful woman in the world because to me she is. She's the kindest person I know. I know a 94 year old woman who I think is beautiful.
However, I suppose when people mention beauty, they're often talking about the kind of youthful beauty that makes someone sexually desirable. Yes an 80 year old woman can most definitely be beautiful but it's a different type of beauty.

It’s a weird one. I wasn’t anything special when I was young but have been fortunate that my looks have improved as I’ve aged. I was in my late 50s when a guy told me that I was an exceptionally attractive woman - then asked why I didn’t dye my (silver) hair! My closest friend is still gorgeous in her late 60s - she’s half Danish and has amazing green eyes and cheekbones you could slice bread on, I reckon she’ll be beautiful until the day she dies.

Yes agree,but 40s50s60s can still be attractive- after that well most women do have a different look

I'm not beautiful, I'm average at best but I've always looked so young for my age that I got asked ID up until 40 ish. Now I'm 45 and I'm aging now and I'm finding that hard to deal with i think because I got away with it for longer than most and probably thought I would look young forever. I guess this is probably quite similar

For me, I find that I welcome a different kind of beauty, the lines on my face, the grey hair, more classic outfits. I feel more confident than ever before.

What I find hard to cope with is the loss of energy and strenght. I used to be super fit, strong, flexible and full of beans, never had to restrict calories. Covid and menopause changed it for me. Also a more sedentary job. So now I have to be mindfull of my portions, choose zero coke and skimmed milk etc
I’m back to dance class and pilates but it is a struggle.

Went to a very comfortable size 8 to a size 10 and I know should not be complaining but my fave clothes are tight and buying new ones feels like the beggining of a slipery slope so I will just have to live the rest of my life dieting and exercising.

Yes it's devastating going through the ageing process as a former stunner

You're only 42.

Wait till you're 55, it changes dramatically once you get past 50 (for me anyway).

Exactly this. ^

Yes, 50 ish was a cut-off point for me for both skin and tending to put on weight - I used to be able to eat anything I wanted. It's called "middle-age spread" for a reason.
I do miss heads turning and the double takes when people first met me.

Not really. There is a nice sense of being a bit invisible to men and other women being friendlier to you. However, I wish I had the looks with the current confidence. I'd appreciate them more and make the most of them.

i’m bemused by these threads as they always focus on how women look, as if that is the only part of ageing that affects us. I’m struggling with how I injure more easily, recover more slowly and my fitness falls of a cliff if I stop exercising even for fairly short periods. It sucks! Oh and I stiffen up quickly too. I’m not even particularly old!

@SabreIsMyFave identical situation here and yes a similar look - the one thing I have managed to keep is good skin and niceish lips!!

When I was 42 I looked pretty similar to when I was 30, to be honest. Now I'm nearly 50, my oestrogen levels are plumetting and I'm aging more rapidly. It's not until you're post menopause that the big changes happen.

My lovely SIL was stunningly beautiful such that men literally fell over themselves to do things for her. When she walked into a bar and ordered a drink for herself the barman would usually say "that's on me". Once she missed a plane and a stranger at the airport volunteered to drive her to another country himself. When her luggage at an airport is over the limit the man behind her in the queue pretty much always pays for it. Her bosses promote her into made up roles where she can do whatever she likes just to have her around. Honestly she lived life on a different plane of existence.
Now that she is older of course she misses that, who wouldn't?

I don’t think it’s even then necessarily. My experience is that you look pretty much the same for years then have a spate of aging. I looked the same throughout my 50s. Both my parents died when was 62 and I aged massively very quickly. It all happened at once.

Ah I see. I always felt the menopause/hormonal changes contribute massively to aging. At my mum's 50th party everyone said she looked 30. By the time she was 53 (post menopause) she looked her age! I suppose everyone's different.

How naive. I remember thinking pretty people were nicer when I was 5 as the ugly sisters in Cinderella were bad but my mum told me otherwise and I saw sense!