Is it harder to cope with ageing when you are beautiful?

[ettieb]

I have a friend who is absolutely gorgeous.. she is mid fifties now and still looks lovely but obviously is showing signs of ageing. I have seen pictures of her when she was younger and she was stunning. She is a lovely person and makes jokes about her ageing and is very self depreciating. I am fat and average looking... I'm not finding ageing too bad as I didn't look that great to begin with. I think it must be so difficult when you have been attractive and then it gradually fades. I know people will say it's what's inside and it doesn't matter but surely being stunning must define you to some degree and make ageing more difficult to come to terms with?

I think it would depend entirely on whether the beautiful person had made their looks their entire point of being. Your friend sounds as beautiful on the inside as she does on the outside, so I doubt she’ll struggle more than your average woman.

I do want to say though, you’re coming across as a little bit…. I’m not quite sure what the right word is. Not bitter exactly, but almost annoyed or surprised that she’s not struggling more, and feeling like she should be? I’ve not worded that very well, but I think you’re being a bit unfair to her and not particularly friendly about her.

Also in my fifties. I’ve always been a moose and judging by conversations with beautiful friends - yes. A number actually avoid reunions etc because of the way they look. Yet they still look stunning. Has made me quite grateful to have had to get validation elsewhere during my life tbh.

I think that beautiful people tend to stay more beautiful than their peers, regardless of age. Not always the case (especially if they put on lots of weight), but more often than not.

Sure, if a 50 year old is competing with a 25 year old then the odds aren't in their favour, but outside of Hollywood, I don't think that many older women are doing this.

I think a lot of people make jokes and are self depreciating about how the ageing process is affecting them. Your friend sounds as if she is dealing with it in a very normal way. Perhaps she didn't obsess about her looks when she was younger.
I think the people who don't cope with the aging process are those who are obsessive about how they look even when they are younger. People who have cosmetic surgery and procedures even when young because the appearance of a wrinkle is a major disaster. These people are not necessarily the most beautiful but insecurity about aging as regards looks is more to do with not being satisfied or comfortable about how you look in the first place.

I think if they were used to using being very attractive to their advantage to get what they wanted, then yes, it’s bound to be harder for them when they have to put more effort in.
It’s like anything I think, if you use the thing to define you, when you start to lose it, then it’s bound to effect you more.

Obviously this is going to come down to the individual. An attractive person might miss the power/benefits they've enjoyed as their beauty fades. If their partner chose to date/marry them partly for their looks then it could negatively impact their relationship.

It's like anything in life, every positive has a downside in some way. For instance, if you're very intelligent then you might be impacted more negatively by ageing and losing some clarity in thought.

Ultimately, you can't dwell too much on losing what you were lucky to have in life. You have to adapt and change with the times or else you'll be left behind. I don't think that's exclusive to attractive people.

I’m in my late 60s and from time to time I still get called beautiful. Often people will say “you were so stunning when you were younger”. The thing is, yes I miss it but it’s a gradual thing. I was very aware of my aging face in my 50s but I suppose I’m used to it now. Just make the best of what I’ve got. My husband still compliments me. 🙂

I don't think many women would be consciously trying to compete with women in their twenties, but I do have peers who have said they struggle with feeling invisible as they've got older. I genuinely don't think I've noticed much difference, I'm quite quiet and plain so I've never turned heads. Even if you don't put much focus on your looks, society does give us plenty of feedback so I can imagine if you are striking and then it starts to change that could be hard to get used to. Though beautiful women do often age very well!

Having never considered myself, or been considered to be, beautiful perhaps that’s why ageing hasn’t bothered me!

I think it must be difficult if you are used to being treated in a certain way, and you find that isn't happening anymore. And, I mean that for anyone, no matter if they were vain or oblivious at the time of getting the better treatment from those around them.

I would say, that from a purely standardised beauty point of view, the people who were quite plain when younger have sort of grown into their looks and are now pretty 'good for their age' (we are mostly early 50s now). I think a bit of money for hair and make up, more time for fitness, better dress sense and maybe less pressure helps !

I imagine coping with ageing is harder when looking YOUNG is very important to your self esteem.

I think that beautiful people tend to stay more beautiful than their peers, regardless of age. Not always the case (especially if they put on lots of weight), but more often than not.

Agree, someone who actually has a beautiful face tends to still have the components of that as they age even with some extra weight. I was at a friends wedding & noticed a women who had the most amazing bone structure & face. She stood out amongst everyone & later I asked my friend about her. My friend said that’s aunt X & everyone always notices her. She was in her 60s.

Lots of people are very attractive when they are young but it’s the youth & overall package that makes them so & they often don’t age well imo. Plus beauty is quite rare & there aren’t actually many beautiful men or women about.

Except on MNs, everyone’s dc are stunning! 😄

Maybe? Although my sister is 70 and has aged well and is still beautiful. I'm mid 50s and am too. Sounds bragging but it's people who say it. We were both stunning when younger. We're not particularly vain though. I rarely wear make up nowadays.
DM didn't cope as well with aging but she still looked amazing for her age tbh. Her dp was a lot younger though.

I think as you age you realise there's much more to life than appearance. Keeping healthy and having lovely people around you is more important.

It's hellish, @ettieb . Fortunately, I'm still exceptionally beautiful, but it's hard to accept that i'm not as stunning as I was. Hanging around with haggard-looking plain friends helps.

Better than the alternative.

Sadly I have never been a stunner!
Even so I'm not as upset as I thought I would be about looking older.
10 years ago I thought that by the time I got into my late 50s I would be looking to have a face lift but as it turns out I now have no interest in anything like that.

Instead I focus on staying in shape because that's cheaper, and there's no risks of general anesthesia or looking weird/distorted 😳

I was absolutely stunning as a teen/20s/30s, had a good figure and would often get stopped in the street and asked out.

I had precisely zero confidence, hated my body, felt I had to make an effort every time I stepped out the house for fear someone would tell me I looked crap.

Now mid 40s, went through cancer a few years back so everything went downhill, am chubby and pretty average looking, but so much more confident now. I hated being seen just for my appearance and the expectations that brought.

I really miss turning heads. I became conscious of people staring at me whenever I walked into a restaurant or down the street.

I'm not a confident person so it used to give me a real boost. Don't know why really as it's all such superficial meaningless bollocks.

I'm 53 now and I still miss though.

I think it is all about identity or how we perceive ourselves. One of my friends is beautiful. She literally turned heads when she was younger, and she still looks stunning. Yet, as she entered her mid forties, she began undergoing cosmetic procedures to maintain her looks. She also deliberately pursued the attentions of younger males, perhaps to reassure herself that she was still desirable. In conversations, it became obvious that she was very frightened of ageing, and she had strongly identified with being a stunningly beautiful person.

I used to feel sorry for her, and quite glad that, as someone who has been shockingly unattractive all her life, I would never experience such fear of ageing. Then I realised that, I had put a lot of effort into gaining qualifications and being perceived as 'clever' and that I had similar fears connected to ageing. I did not fear the loss of my looks; I feared the loss of my mental faculties.

As we approach our older years (I am in my sixties), we may fear loss. This could be the loss of our sexual attractiveness, the loss of our mental prowess, the loss of our physical strength, the loss of our roles as mothers to dependent children or whatever. The loss is felt greater if it involves a quality or role with which we have strongly identified.

It was initially a shock when I got to 55 and suddenly became invisible to men.

But then when I had time to think about it, I don't mind at all. I'd had unwanted male attention since I was 11 and actually, it's nice to be left alone.

In terms of how I look, I have a few wrinkles but I have no imperfections on my skin. I run twice a week and practice martial arts so I'm still fit and flexible at 60. No issues there. Still a size 10 and plenty of energy.

And after losing my hair to chemo a couple of years ago, it has grown back so thick that the man who cuts it struggles to take the weight out of it, so I'm lucky I don't have thinning hair. I have it coloured and still feel happy with the way I look & feel.

Life is good, I still get plenty of confidence-boosting compliments so I'm happy. I know I'm lucky. Things could have turned out much worse.

It is hard, I don’t obsess about it but I certainly know that I am struggling a little with aging. When younger I was considered beautiful, turned heads, won a few beauty competitions (yes I know I will get flamed for this) and had a modelling contract from the age of 14-26 when I decided I’d had enough.

I haven't had any work done and don’t intend to, I’ve put weight on and when I meet people I haven’t seen in a while sometimes they don’t recognise me which is embarrassing. If I was really really bothered about this then maybe I would make more of an effort to lose weight, get my hair and nails done but I just don’t have the energy for it to be honest.

I think as we get older we realise that there are much more important things in life.

Possibly, for some people.

We have a lot of frankly quite nasty and stupid people who will treat someone slim and pretty far better than someone average looking who's a bit overweight - or really anyone who doesn't conform to a traditional magazine style image of a woman.

My father thinks that people who are tall, slim, blonde are actually better people than any other kind of person. If he sees one, he thinks they are wonderful at everything - more competent at their job, kinder, just better in every way. And I don't think his views are unusual, sadly.

I was a beauty queen in my late teens (when it was ok to be so I guess) but by mid 30s was a few stone overweight , crap teeth and not fit. I'm 62 now, still overweight and not as fit as I should be but have great skin and people tell me I'm still 'pretty' for my age! I just try and make the best of the bits that still look ok- I also avoid looking at any old pics!!

I have a stunning friend who used to be a model and I really admire how she's tackling ageing.

She's 56 now and while still 5' 9" and perfectly proportioned - long legs & hourglass figure - she's a size 14 now not an 8 - as she loves food.

She's not gone down the treatments route either but instead, she's simply embraced it and stopped wearing make-up and dying her hair. It helps that she has exquisite bone structure and beautiful features (think Debbie Harrie).

She always had a full life (husbands, children, successful career after modelling) and a larger than life personality though, so she's not had to rely on her looks for happiness or fulfilment if you see what I mean.

It must be hard if you dont have all that.