Is it harder to cope with ageing when you are beautiful?

[ettieb]

I have a friend who is absolutely gorgeous.. she is mid fifties now and still looks lovely but obviously is showing signs of ageing. I have seen pictures of her when she was younger and she was stunning. She is a lovely person and makes jokes about her ageing and is very self depreciating. I am fat and average looking... I'm not finding ageing too bad as I didn't look that great to begin with. I think it must be so difficult when you have been attractive and then it gradually fades. I know people will say it's what's inside and it doesn't matter but surely being stunning must define you to some degree and make ageing more difficult to come to terms with?

@MsLuxLisbon

Eva is beautiful, but in a less classic, cookie cutter type way than Margot Robbie. She's what I would describe more unique/striking rather than pretty (i.e. if you used one of those beauty masks that are supposed to tell you the proportions of a beautiful face, it probably wouldn't fit Eva as well as Margot).

But as I say, there are different types of beauty, and I think that some types age better than others.

Looking back, i was always pretty in my teens and twenties but something happened as I got older and I look better now.

I also think that I look better in my 30s than I did in my teens and 20s.

I think it's about learning what suits you and how to make the best of yourself. I cringe when I look back at some of the things that I used to wear. In my teens and early 20s I didn't have a clue!

I believe you but I think it's more than that. I always have a lot of luck and attention but tbh not really sure why - at Uni we used to joke it was pheromones but it's not men just sort of lucky

I was never pretty but often described as striking . It lead to lots of unwanted attention when I was young . Also though I would say it was much harder to find a decent boyfriend .

At 50 I am very happy to be invisible . I have noticed how much more unpleasant random men are though now I’m not worth being nice to

I don't know. I think it may be more about vanity than beauty. My mum has always had the outlook that a woman's best asset is her looks and she's struggling massively with ageing.

On the other hand, a beautiful 50-year olds is still more beautiful than a 50-year old who has never been beautiful.

I think it varies. My aunt who is now 80 used to be stunning. People said she was like Brigitte Bardot. She had so many admirers. You know what? She hated it! If ever anyone mentioned her beauty she'd be pissed off and sigh and say "I do have other qualities, you know."
I think aging for her was a blessed relief! She was so happy to lose the attention. That people saw her for who she really was.
But then I have another friend who's 55 who was beautiful. She still is in my opnion but the fact is she's aged a lot. She told me she finds it desperately hard. Her looks we're always important to her and she feels she lost them and all the admiration that came with them.

So happy to have found this thread. I’m 64 and have been struggling with what I feel is a loss of physical beauty. I was quite pretty when I was younger and because of it, got a lot of attention. However, my self esteem was low back then, and I now know confidence is a very attractive boost to physical beauty and how one is perceived, so I didn’t ’have it all’. At this age, I’m still attractive, but feel marginalized and miss the attention. I love myself and the person I have grown to be, and I have a full and charmed life that I am extremely grateful for. I was speaking about these feelings with a wonderful woman at a party recently, and she recommended to be in my power, stand up straight and look people in the eyes. I always look people in the eyes, but I don’t think I always let my power shine. I think this feeling of being marginalized will pass as I learn to accept my physical self at this age, but I’m not there yet. I remind myself old age is a gift not everyone gets to enjoy.

I’ve just come across this thread and find the content interesting and thought provoking.

I’m in my early 50s. As an older teenager and well into my 20s (and well beyond) I enjoyed the privileges that come with being physically attractive. Right up until Covid, in fact, I knew I could get away with more than the average person, ask favours, and others would generally be eager to please me.

Since Covid this has not been the case. I heard someone use the term ‘dermal collapse’ and I think that has happened to me. Within 18m or so, I gained jowls, wrinkles, eye sagging etc. It hit hard.

I think I’ve come to terms with it now but it was quite unexpected as I’d never fully realised the advantage it brought me.

Great, insightful post. I agree - we’re all afraid of losing that ‘something’ as we age.

No

you just have to accept that you can’t use your looks like you once could it’s life

I am amused seeing young women doing what I did and enjoying the power it gives you

People pay good money for face fillers and here I am, au naturale, blessed with a chubby round face which I'm told looks younger than my years - I think having a moon face stretches the wrinkles out so you can't notice them as much!

I was quite unaware of my beauty as a younger woman.

Now I am 53, I actually really miss the attention that I had just accepted as normal and nothing to write home about.

So yes, I am finding it hard to age. And I wish I had made far more of my looks when I was in my 20s and 30s!

I've always told my children and friends, as I've got older and things wrinkle/drop, that I have a picture in the attic that's growing more beautiful by the day. Frankly, I don't care about the growing wrinkles and they (friends and family ) just accept me as I am :)

I also think of the late, great actress, Maggie Smith - she never let her ageing face stop her from taking on excellent acting roles...

I was an ugly kid - I really was. So I had to watch my cute best friend be a bridesmaid 6 times and see all the boys find her cute from about 10 years old and always feel a bit invisible.
Somehow at about 16 things changed and I grew into my features and my figure blossomed and I suddenly found men liking me all the time and people saying I’d changed. It is an odd one to notice the difference in how you are perceived - you haven’t changed on the inside at all and yet suddenly everyone is nice and attentive. It definitely makes you realise how fickle men are. It took a long time to get used to it.

Now in my forties I still get asked out a fair bit and looked at a lot but it’s fading. Somedays it makes me feel sad and pissed off it‘s going, but other days I realise beauty is a temporary thing and what can you do.

No, I don’t think they do. Sorry but it does sound like you’re secretly getting a little thrill out of imagining she does find it harder to age. I don’t think it’s true that it harder for beautiful people. Nobody (or very few people anyway) categorises themselves as beautiful. They might think they ‘scrub up ok’ or have nice eyes, or appreciate their good skin or whatever, but they look at themselves just like any other woman does as they age.

Don't be silly. Of course beautiful people are aware that they are beautiful. Whether or not they will struglle with ageing is down to the individual and their outlook, and I suppose the manner in which they age. Many very beautiful women age well and become beautiful older women.

I was very beautiful when I was young, but never realised it. I was also clever and sort of knew that.

The brain fog etc of peri menopause is so much harder to deal with that the aging process looks wise.

I agree with this. I think beauty ideals change as people age. At 50 it’s not about crop tops, fat lips and leggings is it. It’s probably more about style, elegance, a glossy finish! Sounds like I’m talking about a new bathroom design 😂 but you get the gist!!

I'm early 50s and recently attended a university reunion.

In general, those who were attractive in our university days, still are.
The tall, handsome young men are now still tall, handsome and well-built, with grey hair. The attractive girls are still attractive, with glossy hair, subtle make-up, good figures.

I disagree with the saying "beauty fades" - I think the bloom of youth fades, but beauty/attractiveness generally stays (relative to peers, not those 20 years younger).

There's a certain note of complaint in women who protest that they're invisible now, in that they're "owed" visibility.

I assume they're used to getting a particular kind of attention when they haven't done anything specific to deserve it.

I scrub up very well when I do, but usually I don't, so I know the sort of attention they mean. I'm just not fussed about getting it. I'm perfectly capable of talking to people/getting help etc if needed.

You see, I just don't understand this. You can still be beautiful at any age. My Auntie is very beautiful and was a model back in the 1960s. She's now in her 80s but is still very eye catching and still turns heads. She is still always the most beautiful elderly woman in the room, and is still more beautiful than most other women, regardless of their age.

I think if you're used to being 'pretty' then getting older can be harder. But real, true beauty doesn't ever really go away.

I don't know because I am and have always been ugly but I would imagine if your looks are what you value about yourself above all else then anything that happens that, in your view, takes that away from you would probably be hard to deal with.

I agree, but I also tend to find that "pretty" people are appreciated more than really beautiful ones when young?

I'd say all the most popular girls in my school were "pretty" in an impermanent way, but there were a few knockout bone-deep stunners who were less popular. Almost too gorgeous to be true, perhaps? This rule seemed to last until mid twenties at least.

I think if you've relied on your looks for attention or to get what you want then to lose it with ageing it will hit hard. I remember poring for hours at my face as a teenager wishing I didn't have chickenpox scars, a low hairline and thick brows - then surely I'd get a date! As my gran used to say by all means use face cream but if you smile and look people in the eye you look and feel beautiful - people are attracted to confidence.

One of the most beautiful women I know just celebrated her 80th birthday. Yes she has grey hair (beautifully cut) and wrinkles of course but stands up straight and is always well turned out. I used to think she was a model when I was a child. Her secret is she always smiles, asks Qs and looks happy to be around and it draws people to her. She's had a tumultuous and tough life, but finds positives, focusses on others rather than being stuck focussed on what has gone wrong in her life.

I'm thoroughly average but am ageing fairly well. No grey hair or wrinkles at 50 and stayed similar weight and shape but that's just genetic. It's a bit of a lottery basically.

Yes it is !! 😭😭😭😭