He just turned up

[AmusedPearlSeal]

I’ve got a bf of a year and a half, he never comes to mine. We live around a hour away, The last time he came to stay at mine was in December (that’s a whole other thread!)
Yesterday he asked me what my plans were for the evening, I said I was going for dinner with one of my friends and all our kids. We got home at 8.30.
At 10pm, I was busy doing something and saw something out of the corner of my eye and he’s standing there in my dining room to surprise me…it was very sweet but completely unannounced. After thinking about it today, I’ve been thinking maybe he just turned up to check up on me…how would others take this? He got up and left at 7am this morning.

Make sure he hasn’t linked you on find my phone or put any other tracking apps on there. Change your locks and keep your doors locked from now on.
Spend time single working on yourself and your boundaries.

OP - my friend had fella after fella like this, married the worse one too. She did a counselling programme that helped her see how she was manipulated and how to avoid specimens like this in the future. It was a good while ago, but think it was called the Freedom programme or similar.

Thank you, yes the freedom program has been mentioned a lot in the comments.
It’s something I was advised to do last time, I will have a look for it today and see if I can start it.

Well done! I think you should check your phone to make sure he isn't tracking you (shared your phone location with himself).

Also, check in case he's put a tracking device in your car. Might not be in an obvious place. Perhaps a garage could help look?

And, I don't mean to worry you, but you should know that the two most dangerous times for a woman in an abusive relationship are (1) when she leaves and (2) when she's pregnant. So, best be extra cautious, just in case

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Well done @AmusedPearlSeal 💪🏼

And happy birthday, hope you can have a fun day with the kids 🎂

Well done, OP. Happy birthday! Let this be a new beginning for you and your children. Good luck to you.

Agree that you should have someone check your car for trackers.

Why not knock on the front door like a normal person instead of knocking on the kitchen window when he could see someone inside. An unexpected knock on the front door is one thing, an unexpected knock on a kitchen window, especially when it is dark outside, is another.

I’ve been accused of cheating again. Demanding to look at my phone, I refused, but after a couple of hours of listening to him going on about how I’m a cheating cow and can’t be trusted, demanding to have my phone so he could look through it, I said I would show him

Just wanted to say, you know how he wore you down with this till it seemed the only way to get him to stop? He could well repeat this tactic in an attempt to get you back. Bombard you with possibly quite lovely messages, break down your defences, till you think it's too difficult, you're overwhelmed and getting back with him seems the only viable option. Forewarned is forearmed!

This was my thought...How the heck did he get in to your house, @AmusedPearlSeal ?
I'd have absolutely freaked to have seen someone standing in my house like that, uninvited.

Even my son who has a key {adult} wouldn't do that.

oh so many red flags.

Happy Birthday, OP.

LOCK YOUR DOORS AT ALL TIMES NOW.

Sorry, just read all your updates. Him turning up at your house is another brick in the wall to add to all the others.

Happy Birthday @AmusedPearlSeal , welcome to the rest of your life.

You're free to enjoy your birthday now without some creepy man 🎂

What are you planning to do?

OP - lock your doors and tell your DD not to open them and let him in. Explain to her she won't get into trouble for refusing, and that if you are in the house she is to walk away from the window and tell you. If she is alone she is to go upstairs. Don't assume she knows, tell her.

Happy Birthday OP..

Please change your locks - he sounds so very alarming and creepy as heck.
Giving you a ''hickey'' {Love bite} so people knew you are ''his''? That's deeply revolting.

This awful man will try and get back in to your life - as other posters have said, ''Forewarned is forearmed''.

Stay safe.

Huge well done for posting about it and realising how properly awful he is and abusive and controlling and leaving.
definitely change your locks and have a read to get someone to check your home for cameras/check you’re not sharing location etc

Happy birthday OP. Hope you have a lovely day with your family.
I'd definitely change your locks and get your phone checked in case he's fiddled with it.
You're well rid!

This

OP I haven't read the rest of your responses. This and your previous ones are enough for me. Please seek professional help from the police and womens aid before he escalated into dangerous territory. Ask the police to do a Clare's law and Sarah's law on him. But ultimately, get out of this relationship, it is not healthy and he will end up hurting you.

Happy Birthday OP 💐

This really is the best gift you could have given yourself. He was bad news and would only have got worse.

OMG. You've just dodged a bullet, that's the best birthday present ever. Well done and happy birthday.

Happy Birthday 🥳. And well done for getting rid. Any future with him was not looking good.