He just turned up

[AmusedPearlSeal]

I’ve got a bf of a year and a half, he never comes to mine. We live around a hour away, The last time he came to stay at mine was in December (that’s a whole other thread!)
Yesterday he asked me what my plans were for the evening, I said I was going for dinner with one of my friends and all our kids. We got home at 8.30.
At 10pm, I was busy doing something and saw something out of the corner of my eye and he’s standing there in my dining room to surprise me…it was very sweet but completely unannounced. After thinking about it today, I’ve been thinking maybe he just turned up to check up on me…how would others take this? He got up and left at 7am this morning.

OP get tf out of there now don’t wait for a “suitable time” this is the danger zone he’s going to go ballistic- you & dc are not safe.

After all this please get counselling to work on yourself and the way you relate to men because you deserve a healthy safe relationship.

How old are your children?

Happy Birthday by the way!

I hope you've left already & are giving yourself the best birthday present ever, getting away from this controlling bastard.

its inexpensive to get locks changed, do it, he may have copied your key without you knowing (you can change the lock barrel yourself if you want to). Get a chain on the door.

most importantly, get some counselling!! You have ignored a LOT of Red Flags!

I hope you are well away and safe. How awful for you.

Did you say that you had just been away together for a few days before he did his sudden appearance at your house? How was that? Any sign of this jealousy ramping up?

Best of luck for a far better birthday as the day goes on!

I hope you’re all up and away to your own home very soon. Happy birthday!

One abusive ex to another and with kids involved. Maybe stay single for a while after this as you're clearly.not.giving your kids the best home lifez poor bairns

Get the kids up and pretend you want a McDonald’s drive through breakfast, you need to get out of there without panicking them. Text a friend to ask for help too.

You know it's her birthday and she has to leave an abusive man safely with her kids. Maybe don't kick someone when they are down

Yes, I must say, I often wonder why more men who have been in relationships for less than 2 years (ones that don’t have their partner’s house keys, are not frequent visitors at their partner’s house (why the fuck are we even saying partner - 18 months is a boyfriend), haven’t been to the house in 5 months, etc), don’t more often just show up, knock on the kitchen window and scare the hell out of the girlfriend’s minor child who DOES NOT open the door, so then the boyfriend just silently lets himself in the UNLOCKED door and stands in the kitchen until his girlfriend notices him standing there like a horror film. Yes, does sound terribly romantic; I just CANNOT figure out why all the fellows aren’t doing it and why we all thought it was a red flag. A true mystery!

But as it turns out, there is a back story of him being insanely possessive and intrusive and checking her phone constantly, accusing her of cheating, so there you go.

The real question is: most of us saw the red flags before she shared the “rest” of the backstory. What’s up with the people who didn’t? No joke, I really hope you’re not at risk of men like this yourselves. Just in case you’ve realized something you thought or hoped was romantic really isn’t, there’s help. You can start at https://www.womensaid.org.uk/ and then call when you’re ready.

This is exactly what I did! We stopped on the way home and had McDonalds for breakfast.

We are all home now x

‘It was very sweet but completely unannounced’ from the OP.

@AmusedPearlSeal hope the rest of your birthday is peaceful!

Thank you everyone for your advice this morning.
I probably wouldn’t have been able to go through with doing it if I hadn’t had all of these comments telling me to leave and that I was doing the right thing x

Spend some time single please.

Oh that is a great start to your birthday, especially when compared to what he put you through last night!

Have a great day with your DC. I left a fuckwit when my DC were between 2 and 8 and had six brilliant years of being fully single, no dating. Life was just family, work and friends. When the DC were in bed in the evening, I could do what I chose, little treats like my choice of TV, snacks with noone commenting, spend or save as I chose. It was such a good time for my self esteem and self belief. I recommend it!

I totally agreee

OP, please change the locks and potentially even your phone and number. This man is dangerous. I would also try and have a friend or something stay with you tonight if at all possible, and get a camera doorbell installed.

Never been so glad to see an update! Well done, and have a lovely day with your kids. And start thinking about beefing up your security, getting your phone checked, changing the locks, everything you've been advised by PPs.

I would’ve had a heart attack.
Nothing wrong with chapping the door

Thank goodness you are away & safe!

More red flags than a communist convention. 🚩 🚩 🚩

“He did also once give me a love bite ‘so people would know I was his’”
Creeped me right out. This will only get worse and worse.
Block him, get your phone checked at a phone shop for privacy. Change ALL your passwords and your house locks. Check the house for cameras. ( easy to do, Google it)

You gave him your phone last night. First thing you need to do is get your phone checked. Although if it were me I’d be changing my phone and number.
Next thing I’d be changing the locks.
And then I’d be putting tape over the webcam on my laptop.
I would also be telling family and friends not to engage with him.

Just check that he hasn't enabled any tracking apps on your phone or linked it with his. So glad to hear that you have ended this relationship, he sounds controlling and abusive! Hope you manage to have a nice birthday with your children 💐

What an amazing community of strong women.
That's two threads I've read today whereby the OP has found the strength to leave after reading comments and encouragement from amazing women on here.
Without them how long would they stay in their awful relationships for without people in RL to discuss it with
Happy birthday OP I hope you have a lovely day and that you don't hear from him again and please lock your back door, that gives me the willies

Very happy to see the update.

Now, for your sake and your children’s safety - BLOCK HIM ON EVERYTHING AND DO NOT ENGAGE WITH HIM ANY MORE. EVER. NEVER EVER AGAIN. Even if he turns up on your doorsteps with flowers. Or threatens to take his own life. Because that’s what these idiots do. JUST IGNORE.

Get on with your life with your lovely children and stay single for a bit. You really don’t need a man to be happy.

Have a fantastic birthday knowing you’ll never have to put up with this shit again.