AiBU to decline sun hol with relatives due to food timings?

[user1471554720]

Normally I go on hols wirh dh and 2 tween dcs in June. We go on a sun hol half board, with breakfast and dinner in a package. I always put on weight due to having breakfast, a small lunch and wine with dinner. We eat dinner at 7pm so not too late.

I am 5ft 3, 53 years old,weigh 11 stone. I follow a loose version of the 16:8 to maintain this, not eating til 12pm and eating 2 meals a day.

I don't mind putting up the weight as weather is fine over the summer and I exercise a lot with walks, jogging. It comes off over a month.

For the past few years, I have taken a second sun hol in Sep/Oct with 2 relatives one 40 years and one 70s, also half board.

I find it much harder to get the weight down after it due to winter and not able to exercise as much outside. I work fulltine and don't have loads of time for gyms.

The two relatives eat breakfast, then nothing til dinner at 8pm. I tried this and was very hungry by dinner. I suggested getting dinner early and one laughed like as if I am greedy. The correct thing for me would be to skip breakfast and eat a lunch. This would make the waiting for 8pm dinner more bearable.

I am considering not going this year, as it looks odd not eating the breakfast. If i do eat breakfast I can't fast til 8pm and eat lots of calories with 3 meals.

I don't eat out or go to pubs at home so the dinner and wine is very important to me.

Also when I go on hols with the relatives, one drinks very little. One will share wine with me and will drink more than her share. They go to pubs to get beer after but I don't love the wine in pubs so the wine with the meal is my only chance. I try ordering a different wine to them so as to get my small bottle to myself.

Am I missing something? Why can't you go to the supermarket and buy some wine for your accommodation?

Aren't you allowed crisps to snack on?

This is madness. They can't stop you eating lunch! Just go on your own with a good book!

It sounds like this isn’t really about the holiday it’s about you having fairly disordered eating habits and getting stressed if you feel you are put in a position where you can’t control it.

I think you should tackle your food issues first: you should get counselling.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with following diets but when you feel pressured into hiding your food habits and when other people’s food behaviour makes you feel judged and stressed it’s worth considering that the problem is you. The need to follow a diet regimen on holiday should not trump the fact that you are supposed to be relaxing.

If you don't go, you won't get any wine at all.....

Personally I think pay more, get your own room, don't go down for breakfast but join them afterwards and grab a sandwich for lunch.

But it doesn't sound like you enjoy holidaying with them, so why do it to yourself?

I would just be honest. "I'd love to come, but I'll need to eat lunch. Is it going to be inconvenient for you if I take myself off for an hour or so to find something to eat?"

You need to eat as and when you want. My partner never eats breakfast and rarely eats lunch but eats a massive and I mean massive dinner. I can't eat like that so I just do my own thing. If we are at home I will offer him whatever I'm having for lunch, to be polite but he always says no. At dinner which I insist on no later than 7pm because any later than that and I would literally eat my own socks I give him loads and just put on my plate what I want to eat. If we are away I love eating breakfast on my own and I always get lunch. I can't stick to his schedule it would make me poorly.

Can't help thinking that if you didn't bother with the wine, you'd have plenty of calories spare for another meal - there's no law that says you have to miss meals or faff around trying to get a bottle to yourself. It would also have the happy side effect of making that person responsible for sorting out their own alcohol intake.

@user1471554720

why can’t you go the gym in the evenings in winter Op?

I'm going to take a wild stab in the dark here and suggest that relatives you are going away with (DM and Dsis) are why you have such a disordered eating pattern.

Sounds like younger relative enjoys her position as the good, thin one, hence the sneaky drinking of "your" wine. They both feel free to comment and critique your eating habits and impose their own preferences. The taking up all the space in the hotel room shows your place in the pecking order as well.

The pointing out overweight people is awful.

But the real question is why you feel so powerless to simply do what works for you and ignore their comments.

I think your approach to eating sounds fine. It's just not compatible with these relatives.
Why are you going with them? Because sharing a room and being careful about hotel wine and criticising you about skipping breakfast just doesn't sound v pleasant. So don't go

Or go and say this is how I want to do things and that's that. I won't eat breakfast so I don't care what you say. I will eat lunch and I dont care what you say. Etc

The 16:8 isn't the issue here. Lots of people eat in that way and it doesn't impact anything, you just don't have breakfast, have your lunch as usual, have your dunner at 7ish and don't eat after that. It really works for me in my 50s to both stay a reasonable weight and manage my cholesterol. But I'm not a slave to it. If I fast 14 hours a day rather than 16, no biggie. It doesn't stop me going out for meals with people or going on all inclusive holidays, I just drink coffee at breakfast as I would at home. It's not "disordered eating".

The real issue is the attitude of these two people who the OP is expected to dance around on holiday, who don't consider her needs at all and who are nasty to both her and other people.

Do you WANT to go on holiday with these people?

I'd weigh it up this way (sorry, no pun intended there)! If they are ideal holiday companions then they won't be tied to your side 24/7, and will be all for everyone doing what makes them happy, doing some things separately and some together.

If they're a suffocating nightmare, they'll want to glue themselves to you all day and every evening, putting pressure on you to do things exactly their way.

What these two groups boil down to is that one is capable of compromise and the other isn't. If your relatives fall into the former group they're the sort of companions whose company I'd enjoy, and if I wanted to go, I'd go.

If the latter? No effin' chance.

really NOT an issue... lots of people dont eat breakfast (including me) - yes, fine to have coffee/tea then ... or just extra time in bed!!

Dont make it an issue IF you want to spend time with them...on the other hand if it's an excuse, own that it is.

This is literally one of the weirdest things I’ve ever read on here. You’re an adult, right? Over 18? This means you can eat and drink what and when you want, go on holiday where you like, and with who you like. Stop letting other people control your life.

I would choose to eat breakfast/brunch at an apartment, then a dinner out every night.

My companions think the half board is handier. I think it contributes to eating 3 meals when I normally eat 2. A lot of my extended family are large. 3 meals do not suit everyone. I am in my 50s with high blood pressure so I should lose weight. It is hard to lose on 2 meaks a day and I think it is wrong to eat 1 meal a day.

I get 20k steps in when on hols. I don't get my half hour jog in as it is too hot.

You’re an adult, you need to say I’m giving breakfast a miss and will be eating lunch.

I know many have said this but I feel quite sad reading this. It’s 1 week you will be away for you won’t put on an insane amount of weight by being slightly flexible. Don’t have breakfast or just a drink and some fruit, smal lunch and then have a nice evening meal. Given the fact you are considering not going on a holiday due to your eating habits I do think it may be becoming a bit of an issue for you and maybe something you may need help with or at least have a look at your relationship with food.

Don't go OP but also think about how your relationship with food is . I don't think I've ever thought so much about mealtimes etc in my entire life

Have a small breakfast and take banana, apple and boiled eggs off the buffet. The egg in shell is fine in your bag for a few hours and great way to fill up healthily on holiday- perhaps pack a zip lock sandwich bag and get a couple of salt & pepper sachets on the plane or from one of the airport cafes. Eat less at dinner if you’re putting weight on.

You sound incredibly rigid. It’s one week a year. 2% of your meals annually.

Don't feel compelled to eat a meal you don't want just because it's included in the accommodation deal. There's nothing 'disordered' about regularly eating two meals a day. (What's 'disordered' is skipping breakfast and then scoffing muffins or suchlike instead of a proper meal)

I really like that more hotels nowadays give a choice of not including breakfast. If we're not going to be doing serious exercise we'd rather just get a coffee or brunch out and about.

Just eat less.

That sounds utterly miserable.

Who are the family members?

I get the point others are making about you being rigid, but your fellow holiday makers also seem very rigid,

Don't go, it's not worth the aggro. Use your calories to have another hol with people you do get on with and can just be!

People are missing the point. With or without the food issues, this sounds grim, grim, grim! Sharing a room with two others and no space? Not being able to drink as much wine as you see fit? Being scrutinized?

It would be masochistic to put yourself through this. Why would you even consider it?

Is this your mother and sister, or some other combo of close relatives? Don't let them put you in this position. Plan some other sort of gathering with them - city break for museums, or whatever - and get your own room. Frankly I'd give it a miss unless their attitude massively changed.