School run mum

[Rainbow877]

There is a mum on the school run who seems to have taken a disliking to me for whatever reason. Every time I see her she does a smug kind of smirk or stares at me. I think for some reason she thinks we live near the school but we actually live a 10/15 min drive to school. Yesterday when I walked past her she purposefully said to her child ‘we walk to school, we’re not lazy’ and looked at me for her reaction. What would you do?

This.

Ignore Ignore, Igorne her OP, she's dying for you to rise to the bait. So don't.

Glide past innocently as if you haven't got a care in the world, you can't hear her, and you think she couldn't possibly be referring to you. And in any case how many other parents drive for whatever reason.

She's got some bee in her bonnet about people driving to school without knowing your circumstances, but who cares what this person who doesn't even know you thinks?

Its virtue signalling as she thinks others are watching. Take comfort in the fact that if she lights on a total stranger like this, she's probably already well known for it and no one will think any the worse of you.

Why would I need to do anything?

It's astonishing that someone who thinks this is a normal and appropriate response to a total non-situation is actually probably an adult.

Nonsense, she didn’t say it whilst staring at the op, even the op didn’t say that, lol. She said she said it to the kid then looked at rhe op.

nothing to see here, move on.

Are you or your child significantly overweight OP? I'd just ignore or smile.

The school gate scenarios bring out complete lunacy on MN. Absolute raving paranoia and aggression.

Are you living in a rural area? At a private school where most parents drive or in a city school where parking is difficult/school tell you not to drive?

I ask because we are in a city school; all schools are oversubscribed and you generally get your nearest primary school within a 500m radius. I understand people may move away bit still want their child to attend for social/continuity reasons but there are a lot of parking problems which are dangerous. People almost being hit by cars coming up the kerb, blocking residents driveways, traffic standstills, residents cars being hit, cars on zig zag lines, parents shouting at residents and dangerous corners. The local senior school also had wardens all around it today and parents arguing with them. Senior school children should be able to walk or get public transport to school most of the time; unless child ill or a one off day where you need to rush elsewhere. The local schools and traffic wardens are now involved in primary and senior schools. I have no idea how so many drive when the distance to get into schools is so small; but it's causing a nightmare for residents and should not be happening.

The school gate scenarios bring out complete lunacy on MN. Absolute raving paranoia and aggression.

I agree with this. Why is it always the school gate where all these terrible, cliquey awful women that all these mumsnetters encounter behave so badly? These are the same people who have jobs and are just normal people. And why are they being watched and scrutinised so much that the person complaining knows they're in a clique, sees them give dirty looks, knows who they're inviting on nights out and play dates etc? Why are they so invested in them?

Next time she smirks/glares/makes comments etc ask her, “have I offended you in some way?” I bet she squirms and pretends she knows nothing. Reply,
“I just noticed the funny looks and odd comments and thought they were aimed at me”

I guarantee she keeps her nose out of your business in future.

I only came on this thread because I thought it said 'school run nun', and was going to jump in with saintly advice. I'll leave for another thread now...

Or she might say, quite reasonably, "This is my usual face. I was talking to my lazy son, you paranoid android!Get your nose out of my business".

totally the wrong move. if she raises eyebrow, you raise your eyebrows even higher. if she smirks, smirk more than her

when she passes by make random comments to your child that will piss her off.

having taken the high road all my life, in my old age I have found it was hugely overhyped

She may do.

If she genuinely isn’t giving the OP the stink eye she may also say quite reasonably, No! Sorry, I’m always mumbling to myself when I’m rushing on the school run. Didn’t mean to offend anyone. She and the OP might laugh about it going down the line.

If she is giving the judgement stink eye, it will make her think twice before doing it again.

People actually confront other people ... for this? Stroll on, whose life is actually this boring?

It's fine removing yourself to a distance from school-gate histrionics, but I confess I've never anticipated being on the receiving end of this kind of insecure neurosis. Far harder to smile breezily and move on when someone dumps their own paranoid baggage right at your feet. The natural response, I suppose, would be to justify yourself (just as PPs above suggest defending the distance you travel to school in the face of an inquisitive, petty mum). But people like this are too much like hard work for my taste and shouldn't be encouraged.

Bet if you hadn't intentionally blanked these idiots in the first place, you've given them short shrift since.

I really doubt it. If she's deploying childish, passive aggressive gestures then the MO is plausible deniability. People who do this want a response. When they succeed in provoking one, they adopt a wide-eyed innocent pose designed to make their target appear the one who's neurotic and unreasonable.

It's manipulative, devious and ultimately cowardly behaviour, because it shifts responsibility onto the other person and avoids the passive-aggressor having to make a direct confrontation.

I have not one nanosecond of precious time to expend on people like this. WGAF if she's got her head up her arse about some perceived minor slight? The most insulting response these types could possibly receive is to remain completely oblivious to her lacklustre efforts to offend.

With some people, the only way to 'win' is not to play.

You are falling into the well worn trap of caring about what strangers think of you. If this were me I’d give her a smile, say ‘morning!’ and get on with my day. What she thinks of you is none of your business and vice versa.

This is probably what's going on, not everyone who drives to school has to

Invite her for a play date. Tell her to walk there as she just loves to walk

Next time she looks at you, OP, put your thumb to your nose and waggle your fingers at her.

As my dear old dad used to say, "don't put down to malice what can be explained by stupidity/ignorance."

Not sure it's ignorant to want fewer cars at the school gate

What it is, is an exercise in futility.

The driving and parking at school drop-off/pick-up is appalling. It's notorious for it. Getting your head up your arse with persistent offenders (and who is to say that's actually the case here) won't have the smallest effect as a) they're the type least likely to care and b) there will be plenty more offenders where they came from.

What would you do?
Fuck all, probably.

Are you sure you’re not being paranoid?

I wouldn't be able to help myself, I'd have to pop it in there where I live just in case that is one problem 🤣🤣 a simple oh I live in bla bla, do you? because I think I saw you there yesterday! Oh it wasn't you? AHH ok musta been someone else!