I know it's been done to death but I don't think people realise how hard it is to work in a school!

[user4692821]

I work in a small village primary school in the north. I'm so used to hearing people saying "oh I'd love to work in a school so I could have the holidays off" or something along the lines of "well you can't complain as you get so much holidays with the kids" etc.

My week normally consists of:

Being called a bch 3/4 times a day
Told to shut the fk up at least once a day
Being punched
Spat at

And that's just some of the 'bad' incidents. It's not mentioning the other more 'minor' incidents that happen constantly through the day.

I work with 6/7 year olds. In a mainstream school. It's not uncommon, most TA's have similar in their classes. When we meet people from other schools they say the same.

Yet we are constantly told to be grateful we have a job that gives us time off for our kids. I 100% get that it's lucky we can have the holidays off so we don't have to pay for childcare. However what I ask myself everyday is: is this worth my mental health? Because honestly (apart from NHS jobs or similar) where would you go in to work and expected to be treated like this and paid minimum wage?

What job did you leave for?

And this was in a inner city primary school with a fair amount of deprivation and poverty

I'm a teacher too and feel your pain! In any other job the person abusing you would be escorted out and permanently barred but kids now can't even have a telling off and you just have to carry on and act like it never happened! It's not how the real world works, kids are pandered to and it's doing them an injustice. It's how schools have gone now. Half the time to appease the parent.

I know we do get the holidays off but we often have lots of work to do in the holidays too. And during term time we start so early and finish late that my kids live in breakfast club, after school club and are passed from pillar to post. And God forbid you are ever ill. None of this 9-3 myth. It is annoying when people make those types of comments, if teaching sounds so easy they should come and do it.

I was kicked very hard by a pupil at my last school and told to, ‘fuck off you fat fuck’.

This was an infant school!

They struggle to recruit there now, but to be honest, we are also now struggling to recruit in my current (lovely) school. Nobody wants to work in a situation where you are not only kicked, punched, sworn and spat at for minimal wage, but told how lucky you are other people working with little children because it must be so rewarding and lovely.

I've worked in a school for many years and this type of behaviour is rare and usually Sen linked if it happens. What's going on in schools/areas where this is common?

I work in a school a school and it is hard. We had OFSTED in this week so it was 3 12 hour days on the spin (including the first one which was preparation). Then home to mark books and prepare lessons. My friends say it must be great to finish at 3.30pm, which I’ve never done. That said, there is nothing like bumping into a lovely young man or woman in the street and have them call you Miss, and remind you of times you were there for them ❤️

I left 18 months ago and have never been spoken to in my cosy office job (from home)
in the same way that I was spoken to working in a junior school.
One of the frustrating things is that you are open to being a verbal and more often than not a physical punchbag to children yet we have to forgive them every day because that’s just the job. I likened it to being in an abusive relationship - they treated us like shit, we had to follow a very strict (yet entirely inefficient) set of behaviour steps and then turn up the next day all forgiven with big smiles.
Such a toxic fucking job, head was lovely and kind and cared about us but not enough to tackle the issues.
No better feeling than leaving and getting my life back. No regrets.

Such incidents are extremely rare in my son's primary because regardles of the child's SEN status or behavioral challenges it immediately ends up with suspension. Yes there were, but very rare.

I would be horrified if my children spoke to anyone like this. I hope it gets fed back to the parents. I'm so sorry you're treated like this. Truly awful.

@cassgate Id like to think I fall into category 3. But I've had the other side over the use of SEN. My DD had a horrendous year 9. It was like a wave came over her. School would ring me up and I could hear her kicking off in the background, swearing, making threats, making off down the corridor. I was so so embarrassed. When I got there, it became clear that this wasn't just her. It was utter chaos in there. Kids having meltdowns in the corridor, teachers on radios looking for x/y/z, pupils being chased down corridors. I couldn't believe what I was seeing - and apparently this is a daily occurrence! I stressed to the school how my daughter had not been brought up that way. We don't swear, we don't shout, her sister is well behaved etc. So I take full responsibility when my child misbehaves and accepted the suspension that followed, with my apologies on the way out,
However, following this I got a phone call from the SEN leader asking if I had ever considered whether my daughter had SEN. No, she does not have SEN, she was just being a t*at, there were NO excuses and I didn't want it to be brushed under the carpet as an SEN incident. My daughter was punished and thankfully, it's not happened again.

It can be brutal you have to parent the parents

It's interesting in my nephews year it's a big issue (he's 8) my son is 11 and a couple of children have been known to swear and get pulled up on it. None of the other children do. I guess it's what they are exposed to?

I think working in a school would have its challenges, but I’m in Australia and nearly all of my teacher friends would be horrified if those things happened at their school.

I think ye are amazing! I think it’s as much of a vocation as nursing and takes the most special person- it’s the rain hail or shine as opposed to most people being able to take random days off (some of my friends who are teachers have never seen first or last day of term with their own children, and never get to do school pick ups.

Secondry school sounds like hell to me- every day my sons have new stories of kids cursing badly at teachers, throwing things, breaking equipment, even setting fire to things in science and cutting up tables etc in woodwork. My son doesn’t go to the toilets or lockers and when I said it to my elder son he said ‘no, he’s probably better off’. Everything’s gone nuts!

Schools are full of this type of parent. I remember one parent in particular who I’d called to come in due to his child’s behaviour. We had a visitors book and the reception staff showed me that he’d written “fuck knows bunch of cunts” in the Reason for Visit column. That child never stood a chance tbh. Shortly before I left we had a meeting with another parent who stormed out the room after calling me a “fucking mong”. The meeting was regarding the names their child was calling others in the class.

It just seems acceptable for children and adults to behave badly without any great consequence these days. Teaching is so tough..as are a reasonable number of other jobs too. It's so hard to compare and not productive to compete about which roles may be harder than others etc
I am a Samaritan. I do a night shift a week to fit around my full time work.
I get told to f off, insulted, used as a sex line, try to get coerced into all sorts of nasty and vile things... all as a volunteer. These calls are as frequent , if not more so, than the actively suicidal people many people believe we speak to all the time.
To hear how teachers, nurses, shop workers, volunteers etc etc are treated these days by children and adults is sad and depressing and we need to hope and strive for better.....but at the moment that feels a long way off.
I have so much respect for everyone who keeps going in these roles , even if leaving would be better for their own mental health and well being.

That is so awful! Yes these kids really don’t stand much of a chance.

I have so much sympathy for you and teaching staff who need to tolerate parents like this.

I get so angry listening to my friend and have challenged her several times. Her kids primary school trips were £10 donation but you had the option to not pay if you couldn’t afford it.

Predictably, when I asked how much she contributed she claimed she couldn’t afford it so didn’t pay a penny for any of her kids trips, but yet had the nerve to criticise the teachers for not doing “good enough” school trips when they were scaled down. She had the money to buy iPhones for her kids but not contribute towards £10 trips 🤔

I said to her maybe if all parents that could afford to contribute, did so the school might have been able to do more /better trips!

I run my own business, b2c.

I can’t even describe how rude some clients have gotten in the last 4 years. I’ve had clients repeatedly WhatsApping me at 3am with lists of demands. They’ve got shirty when I’ve told them to please contact me by email.

Demanding brats who are used yo getting what they want by making a scene. It doesn’t surprise me it’s the same in schools.

There needs to be some new laws for this type of behavior and those laws enforced.

My children have been adults and out of school for a decade or so at least, but I remember the last school they went to they had a very strict policy against aggressive and violent behavior.

Cursing was an immediate suspension, and there was nothing in their parents could do about it. nothing at all.

They couldn't come in and argue about it and get their child out of trouble because it was just in the written policy, and it was enforced. I believe at least two parents were also arrested.

I think it took about one whole school year for the behavior to dramatically decrease. I think that is because both the students and their parents knew that it was strict and would be enforced.

Any type of violence was also an immediate suspension, and the police were called. The kids were arrested and taken to the juvenile detention center. And they had to go through court and counseling to get back into school.

I worked in a school. As staff we had to lock our personal possessions in the store cupboard and hide the key during lessons - this was in year 1. Called a fat xxxxx. We took some of the shoes off the reception children so we didn’t get bruised when we were kicked. And this was for a pittance. I couldn’t bare it so I left. Hats off to anyone who works in a school.

Yesterday, sworn at numerous times. So many I lost count!
Had to stand between kids to stop one being battered, in the process got kicked and punched by a group of kids.
Had a chair thrown at me.
Day before: sworn at and spat on.
Last week child whittled a stick with a pencil sharpener. He effectively made a wooden dagger. It only didn't actually stab me because it got caught in my cardigan.
You get the idea.
I've been doinh this a long time. It keeps getting worse with less and lesa staff to go round.

Fuck. That. Get out of there.

Are these kids talking to their parents this way?

I would back any punishment my child got for speaking like this!!

Neurodiversity is not an excuse. I'm autistic adam and never acted that way. My dd is undiagnosed but would never act that way. My son who is diagnosed and has significant challenges including violent and challenging behaviour so bad he's not safe in school would never speak to someone that way!! He can have violent meltdowns if he's not supported when he starts to struggle, he will destroy his work and he constantly climbs dangerously and escapes school grounds. But he does it because he is struggling not because he's a little sh1t. We have a home tutor now and I can't remember what he did but he said "it's not my fault I'm autistic" and I came down on him hard for that! It may be the reason he are but it is absolutely not an excuse not to try. His disability social worker was off sick so a cover one did the visit and he told her "go away I hate you" that was said because he struggles with someone new but again I pulled him up on it he can say he's feeling uncomfortable without personal attacks and I won't tolerate it. But I've found both tutor and SW say oh don't worry it's not his fault. That's the message he gets from so many people that autism means he can act poorly amd get away with it. It REALLY gets my back up. And I fully agree many parents of SEN kids are too permissive and many kids in the SEN groups do seem to just be poorly behaved not SEN. HOWEVER it's more common for education staff to dismiss the real Sen and cause families years of difficulty because they won't make referrals- likely because the kid has SEN the parenting has become too permissive but the parent blame is too much and unacceptable.

But yeah I went off on one there I honestly want to know do these kids parents allow this behaviour/language at home?

YABU OP and worse, misrepresent teaching, leaving it open for the bashers to swoop in.

You generalise. In reality, it's some people don't realise how hard it is to work in a school.

I loved teaching to begin with, I was a class teacher then a PT, DHT and eventually HT. I honestly thought I could make a difference in children’s lives. For me to teach was my dream, it always had been. I got to DHT, still taught part of the week, I had the best of both worlds then eventually I got my Headship. I was going to change the world. I had an amazing staff team who were SO dedicated to educating and nurturing children, each and every one of the colleagues I worked with throughout the years were mostly amazing people. The lack of support from the authority was always an issue, the lack of support for parents who had children with SEN was awful, you can try your best as an HT but without funding some parents are left no option but to send their children into mainstream school without the relevant support. Most days I spent my time trying to support my teachers by taking the children who had been so badly failed by LA’s refusing 1:1 support. There’s only so much you can do. I see so many threads on here encouraging parents with SEN children to “shout” “advocate” etc and I totally understand why that advice is given. At the end of the day it isn’t the schools fault, most of us try/tried our best.

Then you have the parents who simply don’t give a shit. They allow their children to sit on computer games every night or it could often be YouTube. I lost count of the children at 8 years of age that were uploading TikTok videos. I realised in the end it doesn’t matter if you pour your heart and soul into educating other peoples children for some parents it will never be good enough.

I live a much happier life now but my heart will always go out to teachers and support staff on here who continue to go in day after day, term after term who really care about the children they support.

School trips are always a bone of contention. You will always get the parents who claim they don’t have the money to pay for them. I’m sorry to say this but some parents do play the “I have no money” card but surprisingly they always manage to have their nails and hair extensions done. They’re the talk of the staffroom. Whether that is professional or not it does happen. Teachers and support staff are only human.