To feel this was inappropriate of childminder?

[Porpoising]

My 1 year old goes to a childminder 3 days a week Wednesday - Friday.

Wednesdays I have a meeting so pick her up 530. Thursdays I stay a bit later to plan and get organised, so similar pick up time. Fridays I pick her up a bit earlier at around 4.

Childminder has told me that it’s upsetting for my daughter to be the ‘last one’ and she feels she would benefit from me trying to get her a bit earlier. I’m really upset by it. AIBU?

Well done @Porpoising it sounds like that will be a better fit. I'm actually shocked at the number of people on this thread, CMs included, who are judgy about people's reasons for putting children in child care! (Though perhaps I shouldn't be, people are judgy after all.) It sounded to me like your CM was one of the judgy ones who maybe would have been OK with your daughter being last if you were, say, an A&E nurse working a long shift, but not so much as a teacher trying to finish bits off at the end of the school day! 🤷🏻‍♀️

FWIW my near-one year old is in a nursery setting and thriving.

She might like her as a person, but she is a poor childminder, which OP doesn't like. Understandably.

I don't think there is anything wrong with having time to yourself, I often have GC so DD or DSiL can do that but I was shocked at the idea of thinking sitting outside the childminders reading texts for 25 minutes while child was inside and distressed. I'm glad you wouldn't do that, I find it hard to believe any parent would.

Has the childminder given you an idea of when your child gets upset? If it is 2 pm nothing you can do, if it is 5.15 maybe you can do something on Thursday but Wednesday can't change. It is about working with her.

So it was good she brought it up, you've worked out the issue and can do something about it. That is much better for your child than the childminder not saying anything to you.

I think the point you’re trying to make is I dislike her so I’ve been looking for an ‘excuse’ to move DD. Why would I have sent her in the first place if this was the case?

Maybe your child wouldn't but some would. I know my GS would be upset at being the last one left as he loves being with other children. It wouldn't be him being annoyed about being last it would be him being sad all the other children had gone.

It does surprise me that people think all babies are exactly the same.

Again though not one person has said it was wrong that the childminder brought up the fact the child was apparently unhappy.

What everyone is rightly pointing out is there were better ways of bringing up the issue than bluntly telling the OP she should collect her child early.

Maybe picking up a happy child at 5 pm would be better for parent and child than picking up an unhappy child at 5.30. Once they get grizzly it can affect the rest of the evening so no guarantee that 25 minutes of texting will give you more rest time.

Actually people have said she was wrong to bring it up and lacking skills if she couldn't make that time a happy time for the child even though childminders on here have said you can do that with some children and not others.

The OP has identified the problem, tiredness, so the only mistake the childminder has made is she wrongly identified the cause of the upset.

I haven't seen anyone say she was wrong to bring it up although maybe I missed some as there's been lots of comment most generally saying that there are better ways to resolve the issue than guilt mum into picking her up early.

Either way it's irrelevant as the childminder clearly didn't want to try and resolve the problem and the OP has now chosen to move her child so hopefully they should both be content. The childminder will get her early finish, the child won't be being woken up early and left to get grumpy and the OP wont be guilted for simply going to work.

But is this child really unhappy or maybe it’s a childminder not doing the job properly?
sometimes little things can change unhappy child in a happy child in a second.

@Iwasafool

I often have GC so DD or DSiL can do that but I was shocked at the idea of thinking sitting outside the childminders reading texts for 25 minutes while child was inside and distressed

You often have grandchildren so your daughter can have time to herself so I really don’t think you can or should be casting judgement to be honest. Raising children with no support at all is tough going.

To be honest it sounds like the childminder doesn't like her job if she doesn't like her going during school holidays and is pressuring you to pick her up early. If she doesn't like being picked up last then it's up to her to try and make her feel better. Life is hard and sometimes we can't have what we want and it's a valuable lesson. You have to work and if you've been paid for those hours then the childminder has to work those hours or change them.

I get it OP. Its tough being a parent without much (or any!!) Support. Especially when they're so little.

Its also tough being a parent and a teacher (my partner is a teacher). There's so much more to the job then other people realise.

Being a working parent its really hard as well. I'm a nurse and its a bloody nightmare sometimes.

Basically, I get it.

I don't think she was wrong to tell you they're upset at the end of the day, but she's ridiculous if she wants you to pay for holidays but not use them

I'm glad you've got nursery sorted now ❤️

The CM clearly thought that by taking on a teacher's child, she'd be gone by 3 every day and the CM would be paid for nothing every school holiday. The CM is unhappy it hasn't panned out as she expected.

It’s all been a bit odd. Mostly I’m just really annoyed at myself for swallowing the line that childminders were better for under 2s.

I sympathise with you - I have a 1yo at nursery and am also usually one of the last to collect.

At one point they mentioned that he would get a bit upset when he saw the other children getting picked up, but it has settled now. Now at the end of the day he is actually really happy with 1-1 story time or he likes to help “clean up” with the nursery staff.

When I can I do try and pick him up earlier so he is not always last.

I would trust nursery more than a childminder at home overall, for more accountability and transparency, though I know that’s a separate debate.

not at all

my point is… why were you happy to leave your DD in the first place with someone you clearly don’t like

You’ve got a real ‘thing’ about me liking this childminder 😂

i suppose because in my choice of childcare, whether or not or i liked the person and trusted that they weren’t trying to do one over on me or make me feel guilty… was a requisite

Maybe greenbeansrock IS your childminder!

I also went for childminder over nursery due to availability and changed him at 9 months. Best thing I did even though I was worried at the time. Nursery class is all about the age groups needs rather than a range of kids. Also there is never any mention of pick up or drop off time. Just within the timescales. So much better.

I've never been convinced of that. I was happier with my DC in a room of other babies, with a routine and activities centred around babies rather than older DC's school runs and such. I'm not a fan of a single person I don't yet know well caring for my DC when I'm not there and they can't tell me what's happening.

Ps if you happen to be near a hospital nursery, they are also good for having longer hours (mine is 6:30) and you will find that most parents aren’t able to get there much earlier, so your child will be in good company.

I don’t really need longer hours. I’ve never picked up after 530 which is fairly standard.

@CelesteCunningham yeah … DS went / goes to a nursery where the outdoor facilities are second to none but the downside of this is it’s quite remote so they do have a higher staff turnover than ideal due to difficulties people have getting there. So I hesitated over DD. Wish I hadn’t now!