To feel this was inappropriate of childminder?

[Porpoising]

My 1 year old goes to a childminder 3 days a week Wednesday - Friday.

Wednesdays I have a meeting so pick her up 530. Thursdays I stay a bit later to plan and get organised, so similar pick up time. Fridays I pick her up a bit earlier at around 4.

Childminder has told me that it’s upsetting for my daughter to be the ‘last one’ and she feels she would benefit from me trying to get her a bit earlier. I’m really upset by it. AIBU?

This is my twenty ninth reply.

The one timed above at 1540 is your twenty seventh.

There is nothing wrong with posting a lot on MN. There is a lot wrong with those posts being snide and scornful and having a tone to them which is gleefully bitchy.

Why don't you filter the OPs posts and read them? It's quite easy!

This is your thread so you can respond as much as you like ..I would just ignore people like @greenbeansrock.

Yes … one should of course but it gets like a fly buzzing round your head at a picnic: irritating, persistent and bringing over shit!

confirms you were wrong?! 😆

and you really don’t want people to know what her you have a partner and if so… his / her view on it.

enjoy your day off OP
i will hide thread and bow out!

@greenbeansrock are you five years old?

Hooray 🙌 🥳

Incoherent angry ratings! Slow down, deep breath and try to post again.

Even X time to say goodbye would get the reaction or anyone going to the door etc it doesn't have to be a specific word. Children know routines very early.

But @jannier - they are your routines; if they are causing the children distress it is in your power to change them.

How do you change children going home if there are 3 children or more that's a set of parents for each child los like routine if they go home first on Monday it takes time for them to adjust....or are you suggesting the cm refuses others collecting ....maybe stick them in a cupboard so they can't see ....lol...
It's a few weeks then they settle and run away from the door.
I would actually suggest collection is always the same time and if early is out all collection is later then child knows they are always last

I’m suggesting that a childcare professional can recognise points in the day when children are likely to become distressed and manage it.

Another teacher here (part time too)! YANBU and it’s ridiculous that the childminder has made you feel bad - as your daughter gets older she’ll understand and you can explain that you have two days off to be with her but you have to work the other days.

Mine are in until 6 at nursery and now ones at school, the youngest is picked up last. It’s just how it is and isn’t an issue.

I think nursery are better about these things as they know they have to work until 6 and it wouldn’t even come up that the children are there late. Some kids are there 8-6 every day!

DH has one day off so has the kids and I’m still working late (as lovely as it would be to be home earlier with them) I have a staff meeting and things to prepare and mark. The job is what it is.

Thanks @IgnoranceNotOk It was a teeny bit awkward giving notice. Just hoping it doesn’t compromise the care before she starts nursery.

Hopefully not if she’s professional! Although she’s obviously already not distracting and reassuring your child enough if they’re that upset that they’re the last one.

Do you have to pay her until 5:30 even if you collect early?
Just seems more like she wants to finish earlier and is maybe tidying, cleaning up and your child is not getting the care at the end of the day so is bored and noticing she’s the last child anyway!

Yes it’s set hours - I’m a bit bewildered by it all, to be honest. I do think there was an element of knowing I’ve ‘finished’ at 3 (although I’m actually contracted until 4) and therefore wanting me there early but I can’t manage that!

Childminder just wants an earlier finish, that's all it is!

If your DD is upset, obviously that's unfortunate, but managing that is what you pay her for.

I asked if she was collecting late or not because it does make a difference.
I am not suggesting that the op changed her hours but explaining to the posters saying a one year old wouldn't know if they are later going than normal that they do know and are affected by it. Especially when relatively new, tired hungry or last one left.
As a cm yes I'd deal and distract etc but I'd still be talking to parents and as per the EYFS guidelines discussing strategies and how we can work together one idea maybe the possibility of hour changes in the short term but if it's not possible it's fine and it's only one strategy.
I'm amazed at people saying they would rather not know or be involved in discussion.

If that's so it's distinct lack of imagination. Teachers I know work longer hours than almost anybody else in term time.

Hope nursery settling goes well. It all comes down to individuals at the end of the day.

@jannier I think letting someone know is one thing but putting the responsibility for this on their shoulders is not fair. It would be different if the conversation had been ‘she gets a bit tearful when the others have gone home, I’ve been singing to her which helps a bit’ and ‘can you not pick her up a bit earlier as she’s upset at always being the last to be picked up’ (which she isn’t.)

What a weird thing to say to you.

What makes her think you can " just leave earlier ". In what world can most people do that?

If she'd kept you informed by saying " baby porpoise gets sad and unsettled after the others have gone but I'm going to try a, b, c ... " it would have felt very different.

I'd be very skeptical about 1 year old knowing what other children are doing at leaving time. More like she's getting tired and grizzly because it's that time of day, like babies the world over.

The time she's alone with the child minder waiting for you to arrive is when the CM should be coming into her own and proving her worth, soothing baby porpoise and keeping her happy till you get there.

I think you've made the right decision OP.

Her approach to the holidays is ridiculous. You paid for child minding not judgement from this woman.

I was saying it is reasonable for parents to have time to themselves

Is it still ok if their child is upset while with the grandma @Iwasafool because basically someone sitting in a car outside is having time to themselves.

This. I would just say “well unfortunately I need to work and someone has to be last”. My DS was in nursery full time from 18 months and not collected until 6 everyday. I had to work so we could pay the mortgage and eat and pay our bills. I think this is more about the childminder than your daughter anyway. If she didn’t want work til 5.30 she shouldn’t have taken your daughter on.