FIL 'took' Our car!

[LostMyCar]

Evening all,

I'll start by saying that I've NC as I don't want this linked with my previous posts. This is a long one so I do apologise in advance...

Dh and I live abroad and will be visiting the UK for a couple of months next month. We've been looking for a cheap car to use for the month with the intention of reselling when we leave.

FIL has been kind enough to help with the search and the other night found a good deal. He went to view the car and arranged to buy it the next day. FIL had 1k of our money (from selling a car last year) and we transferred the remaining balance of the car over. We're excited that we've got a good deal and BIL mentions that he might want to buy the car off us when we leave. Great!

The next day DH gets a message from FIL to say that he and BIL are on the way to collect the car. All good. Then BIL sends a message to the group chat saying he's going to need to borrow our car whilst his car is getting an MOT. He doesn't ask, he assumes.

Bit of backstory - BIL (by Dh's own admission) is an immature man child who is often reckless and verbally abusive when he doesn't get his own way. He can't hold down a job and FIL is constantly bailing him out of messy situations. FIL is definitely his enabler.
DH says no I'm really sorry but I don't want you using my car. I'm not buying it for someone else to use. FIL gets angry at this as asks why BIL is good enough to pick the car up then? DH says he thought FIL would be driving our car and BIL would drive FIL's car back. Had he have known this wasn't the case, we could have asked someone else to collect the car.

Anyway, it's all blown into a huge argument. FIL phoned DH and did nothing but shout and scream. How can he not trust his brother? He's trying to get his life together! DH reiterated that he didn't want to upset BIL but he doesn't want him having access to our car. It ended with FIL telling DH to go fuck himself and to get someone to come and collect our car off his drive way that night. Whilst all this is going on, BIL sends a message to DH saying our car drives like a dream to further antagonise the situation.

I phone my parents and ask them (1.5 hour round trip) if they would mind collecting the car from FIL and driving it to MIL's house as she has space in her garage for it. My parents kindly agreed to do so. DH messages FIL to say that my parents will collect the car from him when he's ready. A few minutes later, FIL messages DH and says that the car isn't ours, it's his. He's keeping it and then he transferred our money back to us. So now we have no car.

We suspect FIL will end up giving BIL the car. We now also suspect that BIL was probably always going to use our car instead of his own (on its way out) secretly before we return to the UK.

AIBU to think FIL and BIL have both acted like twats? DH is really upset that his father has treated him this way and I'm furious at the way FIL has spoken to DH. I'm sure in time, DH will forgive them both which is fine but AIBU to want nothing more to do with them?

Thank you if you've made it this far 🙏

Yes, and me!🤣

Also sniggering at the “having a Tinder date in the car”

So? It was their car they didn’t want BIL to use.

FIL should have made his expectations over use of the car clear when he offered to do them a favour.

Stop expecting family members to run around for you. Go on Cinch, choose and buy your own car. Have it delivered to wherever you are staying when you arrive.

I think you were unreasonable to not to let the BIL borrow the car for a few hours given he had helped to fetch your car. You seem to have a lot of family members running around after you but aren't willing to help anyone else. You sound quite self centred.

They might have "funded" the car but they saved money having family members to collect it etc. The FIL presumably also did the research, paper work and insurance, hence the fact that it is actually his car. Seems really unreasonable to make a big deal about BIL using it for a few hours and I'm not surprised the FIL has decided to rescind the favour.

What part of that actually makes it FIL’s car?

The paperwork, I presume. Whose name is it on the car documents-who owns it?

If the OP/DH’s name is on the car, then they own it and the FIL can’t just keep it. If his name is in the paperwork, he can.

I think your with in your right to say no. It’s your money and car. You bought it for a purpose . There is a chance something could have happened to the car befroe you even arrived for your holiday. .

Id be angry at the cheek of them both. Feels like you only got a favour as they had plans for you property all along .

I wouldn’t visit like a Pp said fil is happy to take sides and swear and kick off .
He would need to apologise as a starting point but I wouldn’t be forgiving on this visit.

Ohhhhh, I so wish we could hire cats. 😺

Given some of the family stories people share on mumsnet, especially related to childish adult siblings and parents who continue to enable them, I was surprised he gave you back your money to be honest.

Absolute nonsense. That has nothing to do with the legal ownership of a car.

It was actually the FIL's car given that it must have been registered and insured in this name. If anything happened to it before they got their it wouldn't have effected them beyond the fact that they would then have to hire a car which they would have needed to do without FIL help anyway.

It was actually the FIL's car given that it must have been registered and insured in this name.

What on earth makes you think that?

If he has done all the paperwork, and the car is registered and insured in his name and he paid for it, then it was his. OP gave him money but he has given it back.

Not in the slightest.

He must have done all the paperwork, handed over the money and registered it.

How could OP lay any claim to a car if she didn't pay for it, register it or insure in her name?

Still, none of that actually makes it his car though. You understand that being the registered keeper has precisely fuck all to do with being the owner, right?

She can prove she transferred the money for it for starters. The registration and insurance are completely irrelevant.

He is not just the registered keeper. He also collected the vehicle and transferred the money and will have a receipt for that. What evidence does OP have that the car is hers?

Oh for god's sake, you and your husband are being petty self righteous arseholes.

They spent a half-day or whatever going to pick up your new car and you wouldn't let BIL drive it while it was out of use because he might infect it being on a tinder date. I don't believe the stuff about him drinking and drivng as you didn't mention it in your long OP but IF he is that way inclined he will be doing it in whatever car he's driving.

This is a car you were going to use for a month. It was working out cheaper than a rental. You didn't have to go collect it yourselves. And it carried the added benefit of being resellable back to your FIL. It was a winning situation for you two but you were too ungrateful to realise that.

The only exception would be if BIL couldn't get insured.

I'm not surprised FIL lost the rag with your husband expecting his brother to run around doing him favours for nothing in return. And then, instead of letting FIL calm down you immediately organised your mother to collect the car. You have behaved deplorably and I'm glad he returned your money and kept the car.

I just wouldn't have asked them to help anyway. So much easier not involving fsmily with stuff like this. Too much stress and angst.

Why not hire a car when you get back.

This has all been caused by your refusal to let BIL borrow a car that you wouldn't be using at the time anyway. (and were only going to use for a month).

You've upset all your relatives and involved your parents. Don't be surprised if no one is enthusiastic to see you when you arrive.

He transferred the money back. The registration isn't completely irrelevant. He's not just the registered keeper. He bought the car, has a receipt for it and registered it with the DVLA

If OP wrote on here and said:

"DH and I loaned our car to my feckless BIL and he crashed it/scraped it/left it full of trash/had sex in it" and I am absolutely furious that he's mistreated our property. AIBU?"

Then a chorus of mumsnetters would have said "YABU for lending your car to someone you know is irresponsible. Next time say no"