to not have realised how abusive and horrible men were until I joined MN

[geoger]

Been on MN a while now and I must admit that it has really opened my eyes to how abusive and horrible some men are. I’m not ignorant, I know that men can be violent, controlling, abusive etc - I read loads, watch the news and documentaries but I just didn’t realise the depths of depravity some men reach. Every day there are threads where women are physically, emotionally, financially and sexually abused by their so called ‘d’ h/p that I find really worrying and distressing.
Some of these threads still play on my mind and I worry for the women who posted them.
I feel so stupid and naive and trusting. MN has really opened my eyes. Has anybody else experienced this worry for other women on here or am I just living in a bubble?
I know this is AIBU but please no bashing

Absolutley this, and sadly the revolving door of unsuitable men women allow into the lives of their current and future children is appalling, women have a choice children do not

This ''I do not know what I am doing" is only an excuse for so long for men and women

Oh for goodness sake, calm down dear 🙄

Well MN posts obviously aren't an accurate representation of men.

I know many, many wonderful men. I also know some shit men.

Women are far more likely to come on here with issues than to gush about their wonderful husbands, brothers and sons.

FYI, my male relations are bloody fantastic men. My husband in my opinion is the best human on earth.

Absolutely this. We are on a serious decline. With these virtuous "feminists" who are doing some serious damage.

What men have came on here and as you so eloquently put it "ejaculated all over this thread?🤔.

You can take it upon yourself to 'remind' us of what you please. But, for the avoidance of any doubt, in the context of the subject of this thread and others about abuse of women, I don't have even the smallest interest in being 'fair' to men who lack the respect, consideration and basic humanity to understand that a generalisation about men is of zero importance by comparison. It clearly is to you, which is your perogative. Clearly you are the product of your own experience of a woman and that has coloured your ability to approach this topic impartially and to keep your mind focused on the male to female abuse we are supposed to be discussing, rather than straying back to your own issues. Again your perogative. But perhaps you should reflect on that when you're keen to be 'fair'.

Wow! It's almost as though society, power structures and culture don't exist and we are all entirely free and independent of the material and social circumstances we live within as humans.

The role social and cultural factors play in shaping how we think and behave is well established. Factors like class or misogyny or racism play a significant role in shaping how we think and behave.

Men are still seen to hold all the power, even after years of so called equality. So many women here ask how they can change their men's behaviour. You can't is the answer, but we are so brainwashed by "happy families " that we try to . The only way is to keep going with support for women. Mums friend was too scared to reach out in the 60s when abused by her DH then . We hope this is no longer the case. Sadly it is in too many outcomes

It’s not all about violence. It’s the mundane threads about how uneven domestic expectations are that get me.

For example, last week there was a post about how often do you clean the bathroom. Not one poster said, “My husband cleans it weekly.” It was a long thread.

I know that’s not abusive, it’s just one tiny example, but over time you come to realise that things are still nowhere near equal for most women, even in homes without obvious problems.

Didn't take long for the 'chap' to resort to misogyny, did it?

Mate, we can all read her edits. The first one was to delete an extra 'why do' and the second to delete a random 'p'.

This is it for me. Yes, there are far too many cruel, abusive men, but MN has made me question my own expectations of men. I know of plenty of kind, funny, good men who don't pull their weight at home. And I don't know of any households that actually has a fair division of labour, especially the mental load.

Look up the legal definition of rape, and you will find that no woman is a rapist...

🙄

Imagine being a mediocre man and your favourite hobby is going on Mumsnet to argue with women and tell them that they’re actually the problem, look, the daily mail said so, and because they are wrong, despite their own personal experiences, you are being victimised.

Do better.

Don't believe everything you read on the daily fail

Evidence?

Exactly, MN is hardly an impartial source, in fact anyone who has a happy relationship is belittled, same as anyone who writes about an easy pregnancy and a problem free baby/child.

Never a man-splaining moment missed.

Oh another man supporting the first man. You'll be able to organise an after-work-five-a-side in a minute.

Mate, this was resolved hours ago.

I think MN presents an unduly negative picture of men, as it does of almost everything. There are some absolute arseholes out there, also some lovely chaps who have nothing in common with the arseholes.

I have a friend who wants to leave her husband (one of the arseholes) but cites MN sometimes when wondering about whether she should actually do it- after all, plenty men on MN are worse than her husband. It’s like her whole view of the opposite sex has been skewed by reading this site.

I mean, she must lack some critical thinking skills then.

Of course there's a spectrum of behaviour & issues, most of which is represented on MN. To base a personal decision on a perceived demographic based on MN is nonsensical & hard to believe.

The power of MN is access to support & a community of experience, at times when women might feel isolated and vulnerable.

It's not a representation of all human kind nor a baseline to assess one's own relationship - that has to be done independently.

I think it’s more that she’s looking for reasons not to act.

Was it though? Because this:

I’m pretty sure that the first version mentioned “what you feel” instead of “what you men feel”, but I can hardly prove it.

reads like you are claiming the dastardly poster changed the meaning of her post before anyone but you saw it.

But you are clearly wrong- we can all see you are wrong. This is why you "can't prove it".