to not have realised how abusive and horrible men were until I joined MN

[geoger]

Been on MN a while now and I must admit that it has really opened my eyes to how abusive and horrible some men are. I’m not ignorant, I know that men can be violent, controlling, abusive etc - I read loads, watch the news and documentaries but I just didn’t realise the depths of depravity some men reach. Every day there are threads where women are physically, emotionally, financially and sexually abused by their so called ‘d’ h/p that I find really worrying and distressing.
Some of these threads still play on my mind and I worry for the women who posted them.
I feel so stupid and naive and trusting. MN has really opened my eyes. Has anybody else experienced this worry for other women on here or am I just living in a bubble?
I know this is AIBU but please no bashing

I don't think it's acceptable to like men on MN in general. If you try to argue that not all men are awful then you're "probably a man."

Title says “men”. Content says “some men”. it’s shitty anyone has to deal with abusive fucks, but it’s a tiny proportion of a self selecting set of people posting.

Fake studies. 😂

I'm not going to waste my time arguing with somebody possessing the analytical skills of a flat earther.

The examples about eventually fighting back and it possibly being classed as 'reciprocal violence' still don't explain why the majority of non-reciprocal violence (circa 70%) is repeatedly found to be perpetrated by women across numerous unrelated studies.

Women cannot commit rape as they lack the equipment.

No one is disputing that NAMALT the but ones that are are still far too numerous.

This. ^ Thankfully, many women now are more clued up, and also have the intelligence and common sense, to ignore incels, (and their clearly made-up surveys and made up statistics, that they post to try and gaslight women.)

I think it's advisable to not respond to this type of poster.

Scholars of domestic violence from the U.S., Canada and the U.K. assembled The Partner Abuse State of Knowledge, a research database covering 1700 peer-reviewed studies, the largest of its kind. Among its findings:[66]

- Rates of female-perpetrated violence are higher than male-perpetrated (28.3% vs. 21.6%).

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Domestic_violence_against_men

The majority of defendants in Domestic Abuse related prosecutions in the U.K. are men (92%), while the victims are mainly women (82%).

There are important differences between male violence against women and female violence against men, namely the amount, severity and impact. Women experience higher rates of repeated victimisation and are much more likely to be seriously hurt or killed than male victims.

These are from ONS reports.

Another report done by police found the majority of women were violent on one occasion only. The men were violent multiple times, on up to 52 occasions.

My cousin was subjected to extreme physical violence in a long term relationship, until she was left permanently disabled.

She sometimes took pride in the fact that she hit back. Stood up for herself. He was huge, at least 3 times the size of her. But there's obviously people on here who will say they were as bad as each other.

Are you OK?

For someone who punctuates using emojis and scrambling for attention, you are in no position to be condescending about other people’s analytical skills.

My first husband was coercively controlling. Not acceptable. I was early 20s when I met him and definitely naive.
But actually, I do have to take ownership of the fact I ignored the red flags and married him. That's on me.

No, because it’s unfair to tar all men with the same brush.

When it’s acknowledged that the problem is some men and not all, then fair enough - but until then both I and other men on here will keep reminding posters that it’s unfair to generalise.

I’m a male victim of DV, but do I hate all women because of it? No.
I’ve been cheated on, but do I think all women are cheats? Also no.

It's really not that difficult to grasp.

You are very fortunate to be learning this second hand.

Also we often know things in theory but the personal stories bring it to life.

The fact that as a male victim of DV you’ve come to Mumsnet for support rather than a forum catering to men says it all.

@Deathbyfluffy I'm a woman (yes, genuinely!) and I stand with you.
I also suffered years of dv in a relationship (see previous post) but my now husband is nothing short of amazing.

Yes, how dare they add some balance! The horror 😆
And I know exactly what sort of woman would have a problem with someone being allowed to voice an opinion that doesn’t align with theirs, just because they have a willy.
🚩

I thought it wouldn’t be long til a certain poster turned up.

Your posts don’t add balance, they just derail the thread to make it all about you.

You’re not that interesting, mate.

It's really not that difficult to grasp.

You seem to be finding it difficult to grasp that no one is saying ALL men. 98% of the sexual and violent crime that occur is committed by men. Towards females and OTHER MEN.

Women should be able to discuss how problematic males are - as a sex class - if they want to without fucking NAMALTS showing up. Time and time again.

Being on MN has made me doubly joyous about my single life. I'd rather eat glass than put up with the useless fuckers women are putting up with. Sure, not all men but a massive percentage are grim, entitled, inadequate, porn addled bastards

Probably has a Google alert set up for Mumsnet+NAMALT

There's isn't an eye roll big enough for this comment 🙄

Yep, that one statistic demonstrates that the problem is men.

Stories about violence, cheating, drinking, gambling are one thing, but I didn't expect there would be so many grown men who just simply refuse to wash. The dirty bastards.

Woman here.

A bubble?

Eight million unique users per month, according to https://committees.parliament.uk/writtenevidence/39118/pdf

Oh, gross. Didn’t think my comment would be on a thread that would descend into someone posting rolling, crying with laughter emojis, over and over about how it’s all the women’s fault.