to not have realised how abusive and horrible men were until I joined MN

[geoger]

Been on MN a while now and I must admit that it has really opened my eyes to how abusive and horrible some men are. I’m not ignorant, I know that men can be violent, controlling, abusive etc - I read loads, watch the news and documentaries but I just didn’t realise the depths of depravity some men reach. Every day there are threads where women are physically, emotionally, financially and sexually abused by their so called ‘d’ h/p that I find really worrying and distressing.
Some of these threads still play on my mind and I worry for the women who posted them.
I feel so stupid and naive and trusting. MN has really opened my eyes. Has anybody else experienced this worry for other women on here or am I just living in a bubble?
I know this is AIBU but please no bashing

I doubt you can when the thread opens with a ridiculously sexist comment no

A person is not the equivalent to £1. What a disgusting comparison.

MN still has the power to shock….another day and more threads about abusive men. A man 2 weeks away from getting married goes on his stag do and now needs an STI testing kit?!?!? Abusive husband refusing to leave the house and continues to terrorise his wife and children even tho she wants a divorce

10-12 hours on a building site, 10hours a day driving trucks around the city centre, then the gym after. And then all day defending men and posing about how harmful women and girls are on mumsnet. Interesting. 🤔

*posting

You have lost the plot. Men, as a population, are significantly more aggressive. You are welcome.

PS. rather than devoting you energy to trying to downplay our common place experience of violent assault (25% of us experience) and sexual violence (25% of us experience), why not do us all a favour and use your energy to try and reduce aggressive male behaviour? It's hardly a niche question.

You know, you could go on a predominately male website and argue with perpetrators rather than undermine victims. Just a thought...

I'd argue it's the opposite actually. For every thread started by one single poster about her situation with an abusive man there are hundreds of replies from women who DIDN'T start a thread, but who have experienced the same and/or know women who have.
That's the true picture.

Wow, I have a stalker. 🤣

I'll demistify it for you. I drive trucks to building sites which are 99% in the city centre. Well, I'm actually the Ops Manager but I'm covering a driver this week doing my old job because I enjoy it.

I post while I'm waiting to offload or waiting for the crane to bring concrete skip back.

If you feel trapped in your home too by male violence on the streets, why don't you organise a march for the innocent men, so you can together you exert peer pressure on the violent men?

It's a good idea but then they'd have to actually do something other than moan online. 🤣

I already get to be a positive role model for young wc males at work. And that's the demographic of most of the builders I deal with.

I had only intended to make a passing point but some posters on here take personal affront to data that doesn't say men = bad.

And many more that will just be reading, not posting, who will be being abused in various ways by men from being beaten daily to being more ‘’subtly’ abused.

Many women won’t even know they’re in a bad relationship and being abused. I’ve known so many women who don’t realise they’re being financially and emotionally abused and who are treated as the default parent, who have to ask permission to go out with friends, who talk about keeping the peace for fear of consequences, who have sex when they’re ill to stop him sulking and to avoid the silent treatment etc. Many of them say their partner is ‘a good bloke’ and think those things are just part of being a woman in a relationship with a man.

Oh yes. This too.

@WalrusOfLove I don't disagree with your stats about males being victims of violence or abuse by other males, that evidence is pretty clear globally. Nor do I disagree that women can be abusive as well as men - But where is the assumption from you coming from that anyone here is talking about "all" men????

No one here has said all, you've just presumed that they are for seemingly no reason :S
"If all men are held responsible for male violence then we have this odd dynamic where a man is simultaneously a victim of violence but also held responsible for his own assault just by being a man"
No one has said this but you.

The closest any poster has come to this (and I'll admit I haven't been able to rtft at this point because there's so many replies streaming in so quickly and life is getting in my way) has been the odd PP saying that men need to bear some weight of responsibility for not calling bad behaviour from other men out, letting shit slide, or actively seeing a woman being abused and doing literally nothing. So societal responsibility, not literal "you are bad simply for being male" responsibility - which frankly I think is fair enough to say???
Assuming that PP's are saying all men are bed and violent and horrible is really disingenuous.
Hell, even the OP's initial post specifically said;
"I just didn’t realise the depths of depravity some men reach."

@WalrusOfLove

I post on here while I'm waiting to offload or waiting for the crane to bring concrete skip back.

😂😂😂

I already get to be a positive role model for young wc males at work.

😂😂😂

Your comments are getting more hilariously batshit with each post you submit. Along with the 'these statistics are true - cuz I seen it in the Daily Mail' type comments, I have no idea how or WHY anyone is taking you seriously! 😆

You are very entertaining viewing though, I'll give you that.

This is why it's important to emphasise that not all men are bad. Otherwise, some women will think they've no choice but to settle for a shit one or remain single.

Because a woman couldn't possibly drive a truck and be a manager in a construction related job...

I love it though when women that work in offices wax lyrical to me about the need for more women in traditional male industries. 🤣

MN opened my eyes to so much and the realisation of how I was being treated in my own relationship.
One story about a woman who was pregnant and had to get back to her own country to give birth and be with family still pops into my mind. She was escaping an abusive partner, had to sell her home under the radar and basically do a midnight flit. I had an account before and this was around 2022. I've often wondered if she got on that plane safely and escaped and she was okay with her child. The support and practical help she had on here was amazing. I couldn't find the thread again when I came back on.

Sure you do. 🤥

I spent 10 minutes on AS. How strange that you would even joke about that as being a stalker, yet you minimise womens experiences of actual abuse. Well actually, not strange at all because it’s easy to see you for what you are.

If you don't believe me I'll happily post a pic of my CPC card or license. Obv will blur any identifying info but can include a random object like a spoon/fork/etc to prove it's not a random pic from Google. 😉

I wish I’d found Mumsnet years ago because maybe I’d have avoided my own DV relationship or I would have left much sooner. I’d certainly have not felt so isolated. It has definitely empowered me with so much knowledge and awareness. It really does educate women about the warning signs of abuse and often provides that vital support network that many people otherwise wouldn’t have access to. It’s so sad to see everyday people still suffering harrowing abuse that they cannot see as anything other than normal. All we can do is keep breaking down these barriers and teaching women how they should be treated.

This. ^