Could you put up with this level of personal hygiene?

[podcastobsessed]

Since COVID my partner has been full time WFH so out of a steady routine. He consistently goes for 3/4 days without showering (doesn't have a wash at the sink or anything either as far as I'm aware). Showering on the 3rd day would actually be a good week. During covid I am pretty sure there was a time he didn't shower for almost 2 weeks with once a week being the norm. He doesn't do much exercise except walking and some gardening etc. He has improved after my "nagging" but when I bring it up at all now he shuts me down and tells me he's not a child and knows when to shower. If I do "nag" him, he will purposely go longer without showering. Many times he says he's going to shower tonight and I can tell he hasn't. He also sleeps naked and the thought of it makes me sick sharing a bed. Sex life is dying as I just don't want it anymore even when he has just showered as all I can think of is how disgusting he was before that. On top of this he smokes so I feel like the house / clothes smell of that too. I miss having a nice clean house. I'm not sure what I can do?! AIBU or neurotic here?

When people say they go several days, even a week, without bathing or shampooing and insist that they have no odor I think they're kidding themselves. Hair absorbs odors like smoke, food smells, etc. and when I'm close to someone with their lank, oily tresses I can certainly smell the odor (as can everyone else)

This many times over.

I dont get the top and tail thing at all. Everyone sweats especially at night all over even if you don’t feel it. Dead skin cells build up and we all have bacteria over our bodies. I’m not obsessed with cleanliness by any means but if you are only washing pits and privates then the rest of you will still give off a sweaty musty smell if it isn’t washed. Showers don’t have to take an hour, you can have a good thorough wash in minutes under the shower so I don’t get why it would be so expensive in the first place.

😁

I would tell him I find it very off putting sharing a bed with someone who smells. And that it's affecting the way you feel about him and that hygiene is important to you. My DH wouldn't dream of coming to our shared bed having not showered that day, he knows I would be horrified.

Don't either of you exercise?

thing is it takes such a small amount of effort that unless he’s seriously depressed he’s just being a lazy arse especially as he knows you’re not keen. I remember dragging myself into the shower every morning after my episiotomy as despite feeling like utter shit and in a lot of pain I wanted to be in a routine and keep as clean as possible to aid healing- both physical and mental. It’s a warning sign really when people just can’t be arsed to keep up with basic hygiene.

Agree. A shower once or twice a week? Just no.

I couldn't stomach that. 😫 sorry OP but that would cross a line for me and its reasonable to leave if he won't change.

Hell NO ! That’s just unacceptable! People should shower daily , at a press I can say nit shower one day every once in a while if you don’t do much that day but I wouldn’t sleep with someone who who did not shower regularly . In fact I can understand how people go to bed without a shower

Nooo! I live on my own and bath or shower at least once a day. People must recoil when he goes out in public.

You are kidding yourselves. You will smell even if you think you don't.

I can't understand why anyone able bodied, with access to a bathroom, would 'top and tail' when a shower can be taken in under a minute.

Grim.

ETA @podcastobsessed This would repulse me all the way to a lawyers office. I couldn't stay under the same roof as him, let alone share a bed with him

Obviously this may not be appropriate depending on the status of your relationship with him and how much time you actually want to spend together, but how about sharing a bath together a couple of nights a week? I don't mean physically both being in the bath (nothing gets done that way and it's so uncomfortable!) but one has a bath while the other sits in the bathroom and you have a chat about whatever, then swap. Bonding time + personal hygiene being attended to. Might help bring the relationship closer together - if that's what you both want?

This bath time after the kids had gone to bed was pretty much the only time dp and I got together while the kids were small and we were working long hours.

My DH only showers once a week, I’m fine with that

To those not washing regularly....you absolutely do smell!
You just can't smell yourself, ever heard of the phrase nose blind?
It is the reason people with dogs can't smell them and none dog owners can!
Seriously, do the wider population a favour and shower more regularly, we can smell you.

How's your relationship generally? He might be doing that thing of being as horrible as possible in the hopes you'll break up with him.

The smell of artificial scents gives me the ick. I like to smell the natural smell of my man

The options aren't just showering once a week or using strong artificial scents. There are still unscented soaps and shampoos, and scrubbing with a flannel.

Wow he sounds vile.
It sounds like he is depressed.
You don’t just wash because you’re leaving the house! Home or not you still sweat and what about when he does a poo? His arse must be disgusting!! No way on earth would I tolerate this!
He has no respect for himself or you.
Tell him and leave!!

Well you could try water an unscented soap..

A match made in heaven then. Praying you both wfh.

Oh that's grim. I couldn't cope with that at all, especially not the sleeping naked.

Sorry OP, I think this work be a deal breaker for me

Revolting. 100% dealbreaker for me.

@SwordToFlamethrower
the nose blind slogan is so true ! I had a friend who strongly smelt of BO and any room she was in was full of the smell. I couldn’t believe she couldn’t smell it ! When I told her (kindly) she was genuinely surprised.
I don’t understand why someone can’t have a couple of minutes shower at least, instead of going to all the effort of washing at a sink ( I’m sure that can’t be happening daily, if you can’t be bothered to spend a few minutes in a shower)
Always wonder how people don’t shower daily and have poo residue on their bum all day and night, sweat and then don’t get me started when it’s period time.
Just have a wash people!
Op, I would just give him a final ultimatum but ultimately I would be leaving as all romance and attraction would have evaporated.

When not showering surely he needs to have a good arm pit scrub and down there? Not being hygienic in certain areas can lead to infection and as for the smell...

👆