AIBU to ask DHs family to take their shoes off?

[Toffifee1]

We‘re a shoes off house and my parents and my husbands parents had the same rule at home although adult visitors were usually not asked to take their shoes off when we grew up but they also didn‘t go upstairs.

Despite taking shoes off in her own home i have to ask my MIL to take her shoes off EVERY SINGLE TIME. I have explained that i have a crawling baby who’ll touch everything and put her fingers into her mouth and i‘m trying to teach my toddler not to run in with his shoes on..
MIL usually just sweeps in and i stop her in the living room or kitchen and ask her to take them off to which she replies „but they‘re clean“ (i haven‘t witnessed her ability to fly yet) and „I’ll get cold feet“ (we have floor heating and i then offer her warm socks).

My floors are also not disgusting in case anyone is wondering because i‘d understand wanting to keep shoes on if that were the reason.

Is it rude to ask other adults who do it in their own home to take their shoes off? AIBU? Any tipps?

That is what i‘ll do plus tell her about the bacteria found on shoes..

It's your house and your rules. I'm smiling at the posters who are desperate about their baby being exposed to bacteria - if you have a vaginal birth, do you have any idea how much bacteria the baby is exposed to?

Shoes off. And I have no trouble asking people to remove their shoes.

If they don't like it - they're welcome to leave/not too visit at all.

And I don't have a baby and cream carpets; parquet flooring/tiles. I can provide slippers/you can stay in socks/barefoot/leave.

I'm from a culture when guests wouldn't even dream of staying in someone's home in their shoes. Only exceptions are policemen/paramedics/firemen/builders if something's being built/repaired. But tbh the last time I had to call ambulance for a family member, even paramedics started taking their shoes off, although they don't have to and I told them not to.

My house is clean, I like to be barefoot, and I don't need shit from the streets on my floor.

Paramedics took their shoes off? When called out to an emergency?

We’re a shoes on house but quite happy to be asked to remove shoes elsewhere. In fact I usually have a quick look to see what host is wearing and take my lead there.
On a side note, we had an active hairy dog when our children were babies, toddlers etc. and I’m sure being exposed to all the ‘germs’ is what raised healthy kids.

The slippers should be personalized and say "the best grandma ever“. She'll wear them.

Yeah, fortunately I don't have children with any allergies.

But then I've made them grow up with all the other germs that inhabit our natural environment.

I personally wouldn't choose a super-sterile environement to raise children.

I also believe in lots of outside park/woods/dirt time.

Children haven't been raised that way for thousands of years - until commercial companies started making a profit out of selling cleaning products.

Seriously, not one child ever, has been diagnosed with dying from a dirty home.

And yet so many infants are raised in super-sterile environments, they build up no natural immunity and fall so terribly ill from the smallest germ/bacteria/virus assault.

We did catch Covid before the vaccinations came out. No we didn't have to go to hospital. And just to irritate the super-anxious among you - the 11 year old didn't even catch it, despite sharing the same bathroom, kitchen and air as us.

It's better to build up immunity than to live in fear of germs.

Same. We were always shoes on and still are. If go and visit family we all wear shoes inside. We also have pets that wander about inside.
I don't actually go to many houses where.i have to take shoes off.
A couple of friends have shoes off houses but always find it a faff taking off and putting back on..

Every time I read these threads I thank the Lord I don’t know anyone who has a shoes off rule from surgeons to gentry and everything inbetween, only places it’s been expected have been in the odly sterile homes of “new money”. Nothing more infantilising than being treated like a toddler in wellies when you walk into someone’s home. Granted almost everyone I know has dog(s) or cats or both but seriously do you only know adults who can’t distinguish between the muddy boots they just walked the dog in and trainers they walked from the car in… As for babies and toddlers, unless they’re licking dog poo from the bottom of a shoe they’ll survive and be healthier for it, mine survived a mouse’s head from a cat kill in the dining room at 12 months! It’s a weird obsession that only appears to have become popular in the last 20 yrs.. Long live muddy boots, dogs on the bed and children not constantly panicking about a dropped biscuit! 🙄

My Mum has a pair of slippers that live at my house. It took a good few times reminding her but she eventually got it and now puts them on as soon as she steps into our hall. My toddler saying "no shoes in the house" to her helped too 🤣🤣🤣

It's not that hard to understand that your floors stay cleaner for longer if you don't wear shoes indoors! Pfttt

Funny enough, we never used to do this, and then we went to stay with an Albanian Muslim household in Montenegro, who insisted on this, we got used to it and have never looked back…

@Zimunya

fyi the bacteria in the birth canal is completely different to the bacteria in dog shit (traces of which can obviously be found on people’s shoes). I know which one I would prefer my baby to be exposed to.

I’ve noticed that when people have visited our house who are from businesses, like double glazing, estate agents, that type of thing etc they all tend to wear shoes that they can slip on and off easily.
When we’ve had a builder over they would say they’d go round the back to avoid coming in through the house to get to the back garden. So if they are used to doing it then clearly they are going to houses where the people living there are doing it too. It must be more common than people wearing shoes inside. Get some slippers!

When you're paying someone else to clean the floors, it matters less how long they last.. 😬

I do pay someone else to clean them. I still like them to stay reasonably clean between mopping.

That is very considerate. You‘re propably right about the germa but my feet also like clean floors.
Btw i talked to a (married) couple of friends about this yesterday who used to have a dog and they disagreed on guests taking their shoes off😅 he preferred shoes off and she told guests that she didn’t care.

The other grandma would be pissed as she reasonably deserves that title a lot more😅

Perfect idea! My toddler likes to repeat stuff, i‘ll be sure to mention it every time we go inside😂

Thank you for your opinion. I‘m not going to ask adult guests who don’t go upstairs for shoes off if we ever get a dog.

My MIL used to keep a pair of slippers at mine and was happy to change into them when she arrived. I agree. Your house, your rules.

I agree. My home is exactly that, a home, not a showplace, and I want my guests to feel at home - not worrying about getting a speck of dirt on the carpet. I don't know anyone with a shoes off rule either, and I know some excellent housekeepers!

Our neighbours have a dog and cream carpets- he has a paw wash everything he goes on the house!

Absolutely. But many women defecate when guving birth, so the baby is exposed to a range of bacteria, including human waste, not just the bacteria in the birth canal..

Despite how it sounds, this is actually a good thing! As @Mba1974 states, raising babies in a completely sterile world is not doing them (or their immune system) any favours.

However, as I said upthread, although ours is not a shoes off house, I am respectful of the choices other people make in their own homes, and would always follow a shoes off protocol if that was what the host indicated (or indeed, if it was obvious on entering the house that this is the case). The only thing I wouldn't do is accept slippers or socks from the host - I have no way of knowing what dirty feet, verrucas, warts, or foot rot had graced them previously, and I would rather have cold feet! So I guess we all have our (differing) bacterial concerns 😀

I've a sign on my porch window sill saying 'Little Children play on the floor, please take off your shoes at the door' Most people see it & take their shoes off, the ones that don't I remind them we're a shoe's off indoors home