AIBU to ask DHs family to take their shoes off?

[Toffifee1]

We‘re a shoes off house and my parents and my husbands parents had the same rule at home although adult visitors were usually not asked to take their shoes off when we grew up but they also didn‘t go upstairs.

Despite taking shoes off in her own home i have to ask my MIL to take her shoes off EVERY SINGLE TIME. I have explained that i have a crawling baby who’ll touch everything and put her fingers into her mouth and i‘m trying to teach my toddler not to run in with his shoes on..
MIL usually just sweeps in and i stop her in the living room or kitchen and ask her to take them off to which she replies „but they‘re clean“ (i haven‘t witnessed her ability to fly yet) and „I’ll get cold feet“ (we have floor heating and i then offer her warm socks).

My floors are also not disgusting in case anyone is wondering because i‘d understand wanting to keep shoes on if that were the reason.

Is it rude to ask other adults who do it in their own home to take their shoes off? AIBU? Any tipps?

Yup. The thread title is "AIBU to ask DHs family to take their shoes off?", so to be told "It's not a thread to get your opinion if you prefer a shoes on policy" is a bit odd.

I think it's a bloody cheek your mother in law not taking off her shoes in your house, when she expects it in her own house.

As others have said, it might be a good idea to have slippers ready - then there is no excuse for her.

Just to be clear, my household is a don't care if shoes are on or off household, and we also have a cleaner for the exact reason you mention! My point (then, or maybe in a earlier post?) was that I think it's crass to ask people to take their shoes off. I think we're in agreement

A medical reason is surely more important than a carpet. My mum does the same(brings her own indoor shoes) as she has issues with her feet, too. I‘m also not asking GMIL.
MIL however wears socks in her own home and is not that old!

i‘ve bought a carpet that says shoe parking and might move a bench closer to that.

Yeah i‘d prefer socks too but i‘ll give MIL one to choose for her personal use only if she agrees.

Not many people come to my house regularly and suffer from cold feet. We have floor heating..most people just take their shoes off and walk around in socks..i‘d need one pair for MIL and that’s it 🤷‍♀️

I have a 3 year old and i want him to take his shoes off, too🤷‍♀️
Also i have worked in a hospital and the majority of accidents i’ve seen happened with shoes on i‘d say, so i don’t really understand your arguments..

I absolutely asked for YABU, it’s rude to ask answers, too, you‘re right. I also feel really rude to ask and have never asked anyone else but MIL has not taken any hints and as previous posters have suggested it might be more about me seeing it as disrespect(from MIL regarding my preferences) so both views (shoe on/off defenders are offering valuable insight and tipps are also welcome, be it „slippers/signs“ or „calm down, sterile isn’t good for kids“!

Thanks to everyone for the replies and maybe we can all agree to be considerate of those we visit and their preferences and accomodate those who cannot take their shoes off for medical reasons 🙃

What accidents doe you see are caused by wearing shoes? Shoes are a protection for you feet, if your in the kitchen cutting up veg or something and drop your knife, if your not wearing shoes the knifes can cut your feet, if you spill boiling waters you can burn your feet. If your child comes running one day and stabs there toe into the door, with no shoes on they could break their toe, they could slip down the stairs. My friend wearing soft tights with no grip slipped and broke her jaw. Wearing shoes you have grips. If you work in a hospital you should know that no matter how clean your floors etc kids will pick up bugs and also eat things. Not wearing shoes in the house is not going to prevent that whatsoever.

Also i have worked in a hospital

And did people there wander about without shoes?

I‘m saying that you can trip with or without shoes and having one friend who sliped doesn’t mean wearing socks or tights inside is a health risk.

And neither is wearing shoes inside a health risk either!!!!

Read a scientific paper on it. Google scholar shows plenty when you type in shoes and bacteria.

https://scholar.google.de/scholar?hl=de&as_sdt=0%2C5&q=shoes+bacteria&oq=shoes+bacter#d=gs_qabs&t=1716400272642&u=%23p%3D53Gmzc54LpcJ

Hospital floors are gross, unlike my home. Therefore i do not wear my outdoor or work shoes in my home and i wouldn’t let my kids play on the floor there..

your body builds up imunity to fight bacteria. no one has died from wearing shoes inside. you step outside the door your breathing in fumes pollution peoples cigarette smoke vapes etc. its been proven that having a sterile environment is more damaging to your health. look that up on Google.

That is also correct. But i just hate shoes inside my home?!? Can’t i just keep my own home as sterile as possible due to personal preference?

you can try, but is it worth causing a huge row with your mother in law ? that could possibly explode and cause damage? do you like her ? do you want her to visit to see your grandchild and have a relationship with them. you don't know what the future is going to hold and when you might need their help. is this the hill your going to die on ? everyone has their personal prefences but they don't force it on other people. you can't control everything

I don’t know if i have offended her by asking her to take her shoes off. I do know that she has offended me by repeatedly ignoring my wishes like her using the guest bathroom or taking off her shoes and she has also failed to show up when we needed her because she learned in therapy to put herself first (like when i was really sick while pregnant with DC2 and DH was on a worktrip and she didn’t want to look after DC1 because she had planned on going to the gym..).
So no, i don’t like her (anymore). Not generally as a person when having a conversation but due to various reasons. I can‘t control everything but i can surely control my own house?

@Toffifee1 if your MIL can't respect a simple shoes off preference she's unreliable to be looking after your kids etc anyway since what other of your child rearing preferences will she ignore? It's outright ill-mannered to not respect a simple request like that especially when she doesn't wear shoes inside her own house.

If the hints are not enough to get her to do shoes off, then I suggest get your husband to point blank tell his mother. It's on him to take care of his side of the family.

I'm in Canada and no one wears their shoes inside.

It seems gross to me. I vacuum a couple times a week and mop when needed. Once a week, sometimes more.

I've never had an issue. Everyone I know just takes their shoes off. I never have to ask.

It would be seen as very rude to enter someone's home in shoes.

I live in the US and in my circle of friends we always relinquish our shoes when we arrive.

And i thought shoes on at home was a US thing (due to movies😅)

It is for the most part but we all like keeping our homes clean and shoes off always tends to make things calmer and more relaxing.