AIBU to ask DHs family to take their shoes off?

[Toffifee1]

We‘re a shoes off house and my parents and my husbands parents had the same rule at home although adult visitors were usually not asked to take their shoes off when we grew up but they also didn‘t go upstairs.

Despite taking shoes off in her own home i have to ask my MIL to take her shoes off EVERY SINGLE TIME. I have explained that i have a crawling baby who’ll touch everything and put her fingers into her mouth and i‘m trying to teach my toddler not to run in with his shoes on..
MIL usually just sweeps in and i stop her in the living room or kitchen and ask her to take them off to which she replies „but they‘re clean“ (i haven‘t witnessed her ability to fly yet) and „I’ll get cold feet“ (we have floor heating and i then offer her warm socks).

My floors are also not disgusting in case anyone is wondering because i‘d understand wanting to keep shoes on if that were the reason.

Is it rude to ask other adults who do it in their own home to take their shoes off? AIBU? Any tipps?

Hope you never let them play on grass or in a sandpit. Or take them to soft play.

I don’t think it matters “who” is cleaning the floor, but what you consider a reasonable amount of time. We are shoes on, floors mopped and hoovered once a week aside from dealing with major spills or the inevitable results of a cat and dog. I would lay money on shoes off households being people who clean every day regardless.. And yes, if that was the implication, we have cleaners, like many full time working parents (both), who come once a week and I for one won’t apologise for not choosing to spend free time cleaning if I don’t have to. They are floors.. that is their purpose.. funnily enough the kitchen counters get wiped over more than once a week. I just cannot imagine the time and headspace panicking about one elderly woman walking into your house with shoes on takes up.. surely there are better things to be doing 🤷‍♀️

Most people who come here do offer to take their shoes off as it's obvious that we have new wooden floors, but I don't ask older people to do it as it isn't something that they're comfortable doing. I certainly wouldn't have pushed it on my MIL if she was resistant, unless her shoes were muddy or wet. You can always put one of those long washable door mats down.

@Toffifee1 "Why do you not like wearing socks?"

Not the original person, but I have no arches whatsoever to my feet (I'm hypermobile) and can't stand barefoot or only in socks or unsupportive slippers for long. I don't object to taking my outdoor shoes off, but if I know I'm going to stay long I have to bring my indoor shoes from home (they're Birkenstocks and never go outside) because I need the arch support.

The last time I spent unplanned time in a no-shoes house - an impromptu party, lots of standing - I didn't remember to bring them and ended up with back and knee pain as well as sore feet. I wished I'd just asked if the hosts minded shoes (no carpets) but everyone else was in socks, and I wouldn't have wanted them to feel obliged to say OK.

Have a bench seat near the front door and have some sort of decoration (seat cushion, door mat, sign etc) that says shoes off please. You can find a lot of custom stuff on Etsy and the likes. Also have some slippers ready by the door and say here are your slippers when they come in.

Maybe buy some of those blue shoe covers. Offer them the choice of either wearing those or taking their shoes off.

Is there any time in your life when you would wear shoes that someone else (that you don't even know) has worn? Probably not. So why would people feel comfortable accepting slippers that are given to anyone who visits - they may have all manner of transferable foot conditions (athletes foot, verrucas, etc).

But they're not their slippers, they're your slippers that other people have worn. I don't care if they've been washed. Are you telling me if someone comes to your house for say half an hour you'd put those in the wash? How many pairs do you have?

It’s very odd that people who want to save themselves the work of running a mop or hoover over the floor are prepared to go to the trouble of washing and drying slippers. I know which takes the least time and effort and which I’d rather do. The more I read about it, the more I think it’s less to do with dirt and more about control.

Astute insight, @BIossomtoes

I don't think it's about control. It's what you're used to. If you've been brought up in a shoes off household it can seem strange to see people walking around on carpets in their shoes. I take my shoes off in the house and I like my guests to. However, I rarely ask anyone to and 99% of my guests take their shoes off without it being mentioned. I do the same in other people's houses.

I remember once my friend took my children to the park for the sole purpose that I could have some time to hoover and mop the floors. It was very kind of her and completely her idea (she loves children). I was grateful. However, she then came in from the park with extremely muddy shoes. She nipped upstairs to the toilet in her shoes and the carpets were filthy, just after I'd hoovered! It wouldn't hoover up and I can't mop a carpet so I had to use carpet cleaner and it still wasn't completely clean.

It is shoes off in my home. Some friends and relatives who visit often keep their own slippers here. If a first time visitor wants slippers I have new ones for them. I buy them at Ikea. Once worn they are tossed out. I do have one friend who likes guests to wear slippers in non-carpeted area and I have a pair at hers. In short I would not wear someone else's used slippers

Yes this! Def seems to be a more recent thing. I definitely don't remember taking shoes off when visiting friends and family when younger and if go and see relatives now I'd never take shoes off/and they would have shoes on.

Urgh! Reminds me of my FIL. He used to wear farm work boots into my house but take them off to go into his own. Arsehole. Thankfully I don’t have him visit anymore.

no one one and I mean no one asks anyone to take their shoes off in any of our friends houses. and we havevall survived. your in for a shock once your child starts crawling then walking and picks up everything they see. plus once hit creche etc will pick up every illness no matter how clean your floors are.
always when I see these threads reminds me of when a friend of mine slipped on wooden floor wearing tights at a friend's house. she fell broke her jaw and arm. cast and jaw wired for 8 weeks. if she had of been wearing shoes she wouldn't have slipped.

I work from home most of the time. even if am not stepping outside the door u put shoes ir runners on. I am sitting at a desk most of the day slippers are not supportive socks dint keep you warm. one of the good things my work did was at beginning of working from home to us that getting dressed properly gets your head into being productive. so dressed not pyjamas or dressing gown and wearing proper footwear.. some evenings do curl up on sofa abd take runners off but during day shoes are on.
but shock horror I stretched out this evening legs up on sofa with my runners on no one died

These are just suggestions I'm not sure why it warrants that kind of response.

Yes I have worn slippers worn by other people. It's very common in places like Japan where the host offers slippers.

There are many solutions to your questions.

1. There are disposable slippers you can buy from eBay if that is what you wish to purchase for guests.
2. All my family have their own slippers at my place so I leave their specific slippers ready when they arrive.
3. If guests prefer to go barefoot or with socks that's ok as well. Main point is take shoes off have have cues for them to do so.

As I've replied to another, you can have disposable slippers. You can also get plastic/rubber ones where you can just easily wash. People are also welcome to go barefoot or on socks. The main point of the thread is offering solutions to help hint to the guest their home have a shoes off policy. It's not a thread to get your opinion if you prefer a shoes on policy. Their house their rules on what makes them comfortable.

Given that the OP title was AIBU to ask them to take their shoes off then yes it is a thread to get my opinion on a shoes off policy that's the whole point of the question.
As for disposable slippers, what an absolute waste to throw them away after one use.

"As for disposable slippers, what an absolute waste to throw them away after one use."

Totally agree with you on this point, @Itloggedmeoutagain. So bad for the environment, and such a privileged way of life when so many people in the world are desperate for shoes.

Of course it’s an incredible waste. Same as those plastic shoe covers that will sit in landfill for decades. Future generations will look at the early 21st century in total disbelief.

I'm listing out options available for those who do not want to wash slippers. From the context provided, OP prefers a shoes off policy and wanted help how to get this point across to her MIL hence the suggestions provided.

If you like shoes on, that's your home your preference. If someone prefers shoes off that's their home and what they are comfortable with. There is no right or wrong answer.

If I go into someone's house out of courtesy I would ask the preference since I'm going into someone else's home. If visitors don't respect the preference of the host, then don't go over, simple as that.

Not everyone wants shoes that have been outside, stepped on dirt, chewed gums etc, to be stepped inside their home. If you are ok with it cool.

@Blossomtoes

…or people could just take off their bloody shoes so I don’t have to mop or wash slippers?

I rest my case. 😂

Fully agree that there's no right and wrong but please don't tell me this is not the place to express my opinion on shoes on or off when it's right there in the title.