AIBU to ask DHs family to take their shoes off?

[Toffifee1]

We‘re a shoes off house and my parents and my husbands parents had the same rule at home although adult visitors were usually not asked to take their shoes off when we grew up but they also didn‘t go upstairs.

Despite taking shoes off in her own home i have to ask my MIL to take her shoes off EVERY SINGLE TIME. I have explained that i have a crawling baby who’ll touch everything and put her fingers into her mouth and i‘m trying to teach my toddler not to run in with his shoes on..
MIL usually just sweeps in and i stop her in the living room or kitchen and ask her to take them off to which she replies „but they‘re clean“ (i haven‘t witnessed her ability to fly yet) and „I’ll get cold feet“ (we have floor heating and i then offer her warm socks).

My floors are also not disgusting in case anyone is wondering because i‘d understand wanting to keep shoes on if that were the reason.

Is it rude to ask other adults who do it in their own home to take their shoes off? AIBU? Any tipps?

Shoes off is weird. I'd rather have shoes on my carpet than someone's manky feet!

Exactly this. The odd thing, though, is that I've yet to come across a single friend or relative who has asked me to take my shoes off in their house. Not ever. In fact the only times I've even heard about it as an issue has been on here. Maybe I just don't move in Mumsnet circles!

Well quite! I'm 64 and I don't ever remember being asked to remove my shoes by anyone. I also have never asked for anyone to remove theirs in my home.

I always ask if it's ok to take mine off though because I'm a barefoot person, I rarely wear anything on my feet.

And people who think their carpets are clean because you asked someone to remove their shoes, well you are just deluded.

I grew up in a shoes on household but prefer bare feet. Living in Australia makes that comfortable most days of the year. My house is mainly shoes off, but for comfort, I'd never dream of asking guests to remove their shoes at the doorway- how crass.

Shoes off houses what do you do for dinner parties or get togethers where people have dressed up? The shoes are part of the outfit, no? And you're suggesting they whack on a pair of socks or slippers? I wouldn't be visiting again!

MIL has a major lack of respect for you and your home. Wtf is she doing in your bedroom?

If i hosted a party i wouldn’t ask for shoes off, but the baby wouldn’t crawl between the drunk(?) guests and i‘d mop the floors afterwards.

I was settling the baby to go to sleep while she was outside with the toddler and then the toddler came in looking for me and „since she had to take her shoes off first“ she wasn’t quick enough to stop the toddler (toddler has ears and listens when told to wait for someone..) from going upstairs. It was an act of revenge to let the toddler wake the baby.

Maybe read up on the bacteria(E. coli and C.difficile) that are commonly found under shoes, that can induce d&v in a baby..

it‘s not about carpets, i only have carpeted stairs (previous owners decision but i left it for now for safety reasons because of the small DCs).

I would never wear shoes in my own house or other people's. Only exception is if I come home dying for a wee and run up the carpeted hallway to the loo before dealing with my shoes!

You’d wear them in mine or you wouldn’t be coming in.

I would if you wanted me to. Why would you want shoes that possibly had whatever was on the street on your floors though? Dog muck perhaps, or chewing gum!

Becoming my hall’s minuscule and I don’t want it cluttered up with discarded shoes. We wear our shoes indoors and the floors aren’t covered in dog muck or chewing gum. Odd that, isn’t it?

Get some of those over shoe covers that trades people wear. Present them to MIL with a big smile as you know she doesn't like to remove her shoes so if she could just pop these over the top.

YANBU and her shoes are not clean .

Wear white socks- that’ll do it.

Me too. We have wooden floors though as I think that carpets are gross so I guess it's less of an issue.

Yup and then trapsing mud or wet footprints in the winter. Or even worse imagine someone coming in, curling up on the sofa and getting it over that. Or the bedroom carpets! It’s just not even comfy.
There is a reason why they sell shoe racks/units.

I wouldn’t dream of asking anyone to remove their shoes. I’m pushing 50 and in all that time, no one has tracked anything revolting into my house. No stains on my sofas or carpets (which admittedly are primarily upstairs but the many rugs have survived well too!) And, as for the baby, I’m assuming said child goes outside? Puts his/her hands in mud/grass etc?

I don’t have guests who put their feet on my sofas. I don’t do it either. Shoe racks are to keep shoes tidy, mine are upstairs where I keep my shoes.

If I go out for a party at someone’s house I take a pair of smart shoes with me and clean the soles before I go. My friends do this too. I always try and walk to and from a party even if it is a couple of miles away, so I don’t have to watch what I drink. So I won’t walk in dainty shoes. I have also been to dinner parties where everyone is dressed smartly and no shoes on their feet.

I did in fact wear white socks.. why would that do it?

i‘m not letting her crawl on sidewalks and i have to watch her all the time outside as she‘ll put anything into her mouth, including piosonous leaves, so she‘s not putting her dirty finger into her mouth outside(if i‘m fast enough).

i‘m also not talking about random guests, i‘m talking about family members who visit often

You’d wear them in mine or you wouldn’t be coming in.

I'm fine with that, it's your floors. But you wouldn't be coming into mine with your shoes on.

Don't ask. Tell her. You've ordered those slippers. Meet her at the door. Hi MiL. I've got these new slippers for you whilst you're here. You can leave your shoes there (point to special mat/shoe rack).
If she tries to walk past with oh it's ok my shoes are clean - No MiL, we don't want shoes worn through the house.
But . . . .
No we don't want shoes worn through the house.

She'll either huff & take her shoes off or will go home & sulk.

We know. 🙄

Not as much as we know about your general shoe habits. 😂

I've developed into a no shoes in the house person over the years and its solidified when having a baby. It just makes so much sense! Why bring gross things from outside into your home, I don't get the fuss people make when shoes are off. My dad is really bad for it as he even wears trainers all the time in his own house and I just find it bizarre.