AIBU to ask DHs family to take their shoes off?

[Toffifee1]

We‘re a shoes off house and my parents and my husbands parents had the same rule at home although adult visitors were usually not asked to take their shoes off when we grew up but they also didn‘t go upstairs.

Despite taking shoes off in her own home i have to ask my MIL to take her shoes off EVERY SINGLE TIME. I have explained that i have a crawling baby who’ll touch everything and put her fingers into her mouth and i‘m trying to teach my toddler not to run in with his shoes on..
MIL usually just sweeps in and i stop her in the living room or kitchen and ask her to take them off to which she replies „but they‘re clean“ (i haven‘t witnessed her ability to fly yet) and „I’ll get cold feet“ (we have floor heating and i then offer her warm socks).

My floors are also not disgusting in case anyone is wondering because i‘d understand wanting to keep shoes on if that were the reason.

Is it rude to ask other adults who do it in their own home to take their shoes off? AIBU? Any tipps?

🤣🤣🤣 it really isn't 'lower middle class' but ffs who cares if it is?

You should buy her a pair of monogrammed slippers to keep by your front door, there's absolutely no excuse then. They'll actually be clean, her feet won't get cold and nobody else will be wearing them because they'll be especially hers. Checkmate!

I don't know why but I would be so uncomfortable/not able to relax to be in someone's house with no shoes on.

This really is one of those weird mumsnet things that seems to get everyone very worked up 🤣 and it’s also weird that nearly everyone is an extreme of either thinking it’s the height of rudeness to request shoes off, OR the other end of the spectrum where anytime someone has come in with shoes on there’s been dogshit / thick mud or something else grim on them.

Personally I don’t wear shoes in my house. The vast majority of my friends & family are the same. We are all adults capable of a judgement call - we generally take our shoes off (unprompted….) but if wearing “nice” shoes (say on the odd occasion we are dressed up) then they stay on. Ditto if wearing clean / good shoes and going into the kitchen (hard floors) for a cuppa.

It’s also fair to note that most of us are horsey and/or farmers, and live rurally, so mud is an issue in wet weather, and none of us would worry about a visibly clean shoe that may have just walked round Tesco. We also all keep our houses fairly clean, but aren’t washing floors every 5 minutes - surely it’s ok to be middle of the road?

A very small number of friends wear shoes inside, so I keep mine on when visiting (unless they are particularly dirty). Those friends have eyes and are considerate, so follow suit when at mine.

None of us feel the need to make a big deal about it. I don’t think it’s ever even been discussed.

I ordered house slippers off Temu. 6 pairs of different sizes similar to hotel style ones in a handy holder for £10. My mum is the same, she’ll insist me and my kids take off our shoes in her house yet she’ll walk straight into my sitting room wearing hers with the same excuse “they’re clean?!” HOW when you’ve been walking outside in them? The slippers are worth it.

We”re no shoes upstairs, just a habit, we have hard floors downstairs so easily mopped, but I’d be cross if someone went upstairs in shoes and left marks (on the cream carpets!)

We generally expect visitors to take off their shoes but make an exception for my parents - we don't have a crawling baby.
Dd3 recently brought a friend home who'd walked almost 20 miles to get there and he didn't want to remove his shoes as he was unsure whether he'd get them back on. He did offer to stay in the hallway but I found some shoe covers from when I was a carer and he put them on. I wouldn't recommend if going upstairs as they can be slippy but worked well on this occasion.

I'm from Liverpool and that resonates with me! I can imagine what my nana would have said if I'd taken my shoes off when visiting. We live down south now and generally are a no shoes house - unless my Liverpool relatives visit and I let them keep them on!

It’s not really about the shoes, it’s someone not respecting your wishes in your own home. I like the slipper suggestion from someone else.

Honestly people saying it's rude to ask - it's also rude to walk into a home with shoes on if it's explicitly against the wishes of the host. I'd not care if such people thought I was rude, they can strop off muttering about how lower middle class I am if the mere thought of taking their shoes off is so offensive.

Carpet cleaner here with a shoes on house. We're working class and my family would be shocked at such unwelcoming behaviour. I don't have any friends or family that have a shoes off rule.

Just a bit of a tip.. If you have light carpets wear light socks on them. Regularly walking on cream carpet in black socks causes black fluff to tie in to the carpet fibres and is much harder to get off than dirt off shoes.

That aside, think the issue is less about the shoes than the refusal to comply. Is MIL generally quite hard work op or is this a hill she has chosen to die on?

Thank you! I feel so rude asking her every time and i‘m angry at her for making me ask. I have never had to ask anyone else. Even DHs 80+ Grandmother offers (which i devline because she‘s old and only visits twice a year!)

I don’t understand exceptions. Surely all shoes are equally “dirty”? People’s shoes aren’t magically clean because they’re old.

Yes you‘re right. It’s the disrespect. She also doesn’t use the guest bathroom because she prefers the bigger one and she told me she doesn’t sit down when she pees 🙄🙄🙄

GMIL doesn’t go upstairs/our bathroom/kitchen/.. and visits once or twice a year and she‘s old so i can just mop the floors afterwards. MIL visits once or twice a months and goes everywhere, even my bedroom.

Do you see a difference now?

A lot of older people don't go out much so they may only wear their shoes from the house to the car. Also older people are more likely to have health problems that make putting on and taking off shoes more difficult especially when a seat is not provided.

I keep my door locked so people can't just walk in, they have to be let in. This gives me chance to ask them to take their shoes off (or wear shoe covers for work men) before they even get through the door. The only one I don't ask is my elderly grandmother but she only ever goes in the kitchen (we use the back door) so I give the floor a quick wipe when she's gone. That being said, if she went upstairs I'd have to ask her to take them off.

Er what?! How is she using the toilet 🤣

I would be quite cross if they were walking about in the bedroom with shoes on. If I forget something and have to dash back upstairs I hate still having my shoes on. Just so dirty.

Eeuuww

Could be one those hoverers

I keep my shoes in my bedroom. All 70 odd pairs of them.

Muddy wellies too I expect

Of course not, don’t be silly. I don’t own any wellies.

I had so many people refuse when I was asking due to a crawling baby and ASD toddler who would eat things off the floor that I started saying we are Muslim - nobody has refused since !