AIBU to ask DHs family to take their shoes off?

[Toffifee1]

We‘re a shoes off house and my parents and my husbands parents had the same rule at home although adult visitors were usually not asked to take their shoes off when we grew up but they also didn‘t go upstairs.

Despite taking shoes off in her own home i have to ask my MIL to take her shoes off EVERY SINGLE TIME. I have explained that i have a crawling baby who’ll touch everything and put her fingers into her mouth and i‘m trying to teach my toddler not to run in with his shoes on..
MIL usually just sweeps in and i stop her in the living room or kitchen and ask her to take them off to which she replies „but they‘re clean“ (i haven‘t witnessed her ability to fly yet) and „I’ll get cold feet“ (we have floor heating and i then offer her warm socks).

My floors are also not disgusting in case anyone is wondering because i‘d understand wanting to keep shoes on if that were the reason.

Is it rude to ask other adults who do it in their own home to take their shoes off? AIBU? Any tipps?

If my carpet stains it doesn't lift, so that's damaged, yes.
You do your house your way, and I'll do mine.

So your mil had this rule but at your house she ignores your rule?

Shoes inside on carpet makes me cringe.
We have shoe mats and storage by the door so it’s very obvious we take them off. And if I have guests I’ll go in first and tell the kids to take shoes off and do mine so no one is going past with shoes on and my hallway is quite narrow.
There are only one or two people I know who wear shoes inside. Apart from that, every house I go to wed take shoes off, friends and family.

If we have people over and we’re going straight outside I wouldn’t ask them to take them off (they always offer though) but if it was staying inside it’s just an auto matic thing. I can only think of one person who didn’t take them off.

I remember being in someplaces abroad where we’d take shoes off before entering a shop. It stopped the sand getting in! :)

Obviously religious and cultural differences here. Muslim is shoes off isn't it? Or so I recall. We don't have a single friend or relative that makes this a rule. Clearly culture makes a difference. That's ok but surely no one can assume taking shoes off is widespread?

It’s the opposite of posh surely.

Never ceases to amaze me how many Mumsnetters have had dog shit trekked through their home.

OP it’s your house, you’re free to ask of your guests whatever you wish.

MY DP was brought up Muslim so it’s cultural for him that he hates shoes in the house.

I saved for years to have light wool carpets fitted and I didn’t want people traipsing muddy dirty shoes over them.

We generally don’t ask people to remove shoes but they do after they see us remove ours.

I have plantar fasciitis so I know some people need the foot support so I do also buy slippers for any regular guests who need them and keep them on a shoe rack by the door.
I have disposable hotel slippers for anyone who wasn’t expected and doesn’t want to have just socks on.
I have shoe covers for anyone coming to do repairs or who need to keep shoes on due to their profession. The police came to take a witness statement once and insisted on taking their shoes off due to DP having a Muslim background.

The only people we don’t provide for are the people who don’t want to take their shoes off because it ruins their outfit or they look shorter, in that case there isn’t much I can do! I wouldn’t expect anyone to dress up just to visit and if they know us enough to be invited they probably know I don’t like shoes on in the house!

I also have a space people can sit to swap shoes for slippers.

I don’t understand why this keeps coming up. It’s usually the “shoe wearers” that get aggressive towards the people who prefer them to be removed. I’m very very houseproud and I just don’t want dirty shoes inside. My carpets are spotless and still look new after 4 years, if we wore shoes inside I’m sure they wouldn’t look as good.

Your house, your rules. If folks don’t like they don’t need to visit?

I always have slippers on or barefoot on my wood and tiled floors downstairs - but don’t mind what guests do personally.

I will follow hosts shoe etiquette in their homes.

I would hate to take my shoes off you might have spiders

At 19 I went to my new boyfriend's house far out in Liverpool, nervous as hell. I took my shoes off after entering the house, as I'd been brought up to do. After I left, his DM said "She's all fur coat and no knickers, that one!" My crimes were removing my shoes and not having a loud, harsh scouse accent.
Heaven forfend being polite and having the ability to enunciate properly also without swearing in conversation at all
At our second meeting she called her 15 year old for dinner by shouting up the stairs "Get the fuck down here you fat little cunt!" Later went on to show me how to put a man down on the floor by grabbing her son's arms behind his back, twisting them up and kicking the backs of his knees.
She was in her 50s and all of 6st wet through. Terrifying woman.
She died when DD was young which was both a relief and a loss. Not often you come across such a strong female character.

My spiders climb up to the ceiling, where they are spotted and immediately removed.

I‘m not muslim and none of my friends wear shoes in their homes and when i come to visit and ask they prefer shoes off.
When it‘s a Party or a bunch of guests in dresses etc it‘s different but in my case its for MIL visiting grandkids, going upstairs etc. She also doesn’t have plantar facitis or other health reasons as she doesn’t wear shoes in home. She just lets guests wear their shoes now because she rarely has guests.

When you think about the dog poo and wee all over pavements, the stuff you stand in when you visit public toilets, who would want that dragged across their carpets? Don't understand people wearing outside shoes in the house.

But I did always take slippers to friends as their house is freezing

I do this (cleaning before and after) if i have lots of guests but for grandparents who visit maybe once or twice per months and mom friends who come over with their kids regularly, i‘d prefer not to go through such a hassle each time as i like my floors clean for the baby.

Wearing just socks on hard floors can be quite an issue with some people. I have an unstable knee, so have to wear something with good grip on hard floors, or go barefoot. Socks or most slippers are a definite no-no.
That being said, I would never expect people to remove shoes when they come into my home.

Do you ever take your baby out in public or to other people’s houses? If so, do they never go on the floor?

Do you ever take your baby out in public or to other people’s houses? If so, do they never go on the floor?

It doesn’t really matter either way, I don’t have babies and I’m a shoes off household anyway. Or I also have shoe coverings for anyone who might not want to take their shoes off eg. Workmen climbing ladders.

This is OPs rule and she’s perfectly reasonable to enforce this in her house for whatever reasons. You can’t always control the environment your baby is in but you can certainly control the home environment where they’re going to spend most of the time.

Her MIL has the same rule anyway and I’m assuming she has no small babies living there, so it’s especially bizarre and U that she can’t respect it in OPs house.

You do not enforce rules with friends or relatives. It makes you look harsh and unwelcoming. Generally people are more relaxed with visitors. Unless it's religious and then it's no alcohol too! You know, as a visitor, where you stand.

If visitors want to take their shoes off, of course they can, Anyone with grubby shoes always does but I would possibly ask them to if they didn't. Although we have hard floors! In general be happy you have visitors and treat them as welcome guests, not annoying children who have to follow rules I'd be avoiding a house with rules. We would have to meet up in a pub or restaurant.

I don't understand this recent thing about shoes and crawling babies. Germs are everywhere and I know of no baby in the 90s/00s who got ill from a carpet.

Well, I thought at first you were not being unreasonable but having just mentioned that you you a cat, which won’t wipe its feet and have germs around its bum YABU!
YABVU about the casual way you talk about the poor creatures your cat has captured.

YABVU about the casual way you talk about the poor creatures your cat has captured.

What's she meant to do, put obituaries in the papers? 😁

Unless it's religious and then it's no alcohol too! You know, as a visitor, where you stand.

It's not religious, it's cultural. Japanese people are strict about no outdoor shoes as well for instance.

Shoes on people are always so stroppy with their answer 😁I like my house to stay clean so shoes off please.

Either keep the cat in or put a bell around its neck.

Yep also South Korea, Vietnam and many other Asian countries. Some African countries too.

It’s really not such a hardship for someone to remove shoes in most situations? And I too have plantar fasciitis but can definitely wear socks for a few hours and I tend not to be walking around peoples houses anyway. I’m more likely to be sat at the couch with my legs up On a foot rest so my feet go unharmed!

If anyone does see it such as a cruel rule i’m imposing, and would rather meet in a cafe I’d be happy to take them up on that. A bit odd IMO that they’d be so resolute on keeping their shoes on and tracking through whatever they’ve stood on through the house - there is dog urine and faeces residue pretty much everywhere, instead of just taking them off or wearing shoe covers

I think a lot of people seem to be missing the point as well that MIL has the exact same rule she expects people to follow in her house.