AIBU to ask DHs family to take their shoes off?

[Toffifee1]

We‘re a shoes off house and my parents and my husbands parents had the same rule at home although adult visitors were usually not asked to take their shoes off when we grew up but they also didn‘t go upstairs.

Despite taking shoes off in her own home i have to ask my MIL to take her shoes off EVERY SINGLE TIME. I have explained that i have a crawling baby who’ll touch everything and put her fingers into her mouth and i‘m trying to teach my toddler not to run in with his shoes on..
MIL usually just sweeps in and i stop her in the living room or kitchen and ask her to take them off to which she replies „but they‘re clean“ (i haven‘t witnessed her ability to fly yet) and „I’ll get cold feet“ (we have floor heating and i then offer her warm socks).

My floors are also not disgusting in case anyone is wondering because i‘d understand wanting to keep shoes on if that were the reason.

Is it rude to ask other adults who do it in their own home to take their shoes off? AIBU? Any tipps?

We are a shoes off (and no pets) household. I have never had to ask anyone to remove their shoes. They do it automatically. The pile of shoes by the front door might be the clue!

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing , shoes-off had little or nothing to do with whether you were ‘posh’ and had servants to clean up. It was never a ‘thing’ among friends and family when I was growing up (MC but very little spare cash) and it still isn’t. Obviously muddy shoes will be taken off, but otherwise, no.
My DM never had a cleaner until she was into her 70s.

We've always had babies and toddlers crawling over carpets and AFAIK none of them has ever caught anything. TBH I find the obsession with uber-hygiene among some MNers frankly unhealthy.

We’re not Muslim and nearly every single household I know takes their shoes off.
And if I don’t mention it/someone hasn’t done it, 99% of the time they’ll ask anyway. Like if we’re going straight through to the garden people will tend to check it’s ok to walk through the house first with them on. Which I always yes say to. I’d do the same at others. Trades people tend to check too.

What about if you’re not going out? Surely you wouldn’t put shoes on. Or sit on the couch etc with shoes on?

I don’t know why you find it so difficult to understand someone wearing shoes all day. Of course I put shoes on if I’m not going out and if I’m sitting on the sofa. Shoes aren’t outdoor wear like a coat.

Is this a wind up? 🤣

No.

@BIossomtoes do you not like to put your feet up on the sofa or curl up? Or do you not mind having your shoes on when you do that?

I don’t put my feet up on the sofa or curl up. I sit on the sofa with my feet on the floor. On my cream carpet.

Fair enough. We all have our preferences! Genuinely not being snarky, I was curious.

I think it's something that needs to be adjusted for different people/visitors. It wasn't a thing 40 years ago, visitors just wiped their feet.

Even at home for us it's a minefield. Downstairs we have hard floors mostly and upstairs we have paleish carpets. As family we change slippers before going upstairs but have an easy place to keep them at the bottom of the stairs. Our downstairs slippers also serve for emptying the bins outside, etc.

I'll caveat by saying that we are fussy buggers and have got worse as we get older. Having said that, I'm not rigorous about visitors taking off their shoes, but many do.

Nowadays I find most tradesmen offer to or put on shoe covers.

It's not something I'd die on a hill over.

Buy her "indoor shoes"/slippers with Velcro across the top, and back shoes she can easily get them on and off. They should also have a decent grip underneath so she feels secure walking on hard floors, for example. Pavers have some good ones or you can check on Amazon who have a fair selection. 🌹

I’ll be honest I just leave her off, it’s nice just to get her down and a lot of a struggle these days so I don’t mind. Her shoes aren’t that dirty as she’s just generally an insanely clean person and her house is immaculate and my youngest is 9 so is grand leaving her runners on and getting her safety to the kitchen chair for tea!!!!

This remove shoes is so very lower middle class. I can't be doing with it. If people want to take their shoes off they can. But it's really rude to ask.

This remove shoes is so very lower middle class. I can't be doing with it.

I can't really be doing with snobbery, I'd rather have nice carpets.

You are perfectly reasonable in asking them. We are a no shoes home and many of my friends are also. When they visit, it is shoes off and when I visit it is the same

😂😂😂

Someone is a bit toffee nosed.
(btw, we‘re no shoe upper middle class)

Of course i do. I just like my own floors clean and i think its very disrespectful of MIL to repeatedly ignore my preferences even though i have explained it to her since DC1 was born in 2021.

everyone else does it too! Just MIL ignores it.

Seriously? If someone is on two canes they're not going to find switching from shoes to slippers easy are they? Surely you would not make them do this

I don't think the royals have a no shoes rule. Imagine dignitaries having to remove their shoes when meeting the King or late queen. Inflicting it on guests?? Its bizarre.

Asking people to remove their shoes is rude. When you invite guests to your home you are supposed to make them feel welcome and comfortable.

I have neuropathy in my feet from cancer treatment. They are constantly freezing cold and numb so I wear socks and shoes everywhere. Elderly people can quite often have problems with their feet requiring special footwear. It’s just the height of rudeness to be so obsessed with your carpet that you’ll make someone uncomfortable.

I wouldn’t ask someone who has a health problem either.

I don’t believe anyone actually gets up and puts shoes on if they’re not even leaving the house though!

This is an entirely different case. MIL does not wear shoes in her home either and is not that old.
i think it’s rude to make your hosts clean up after you unnecessarily and ignore requests like removing shoes for no obvious reason..

My mum is much older and does wear indoor shoes in her home for comfort and she just brings them along to my place. GMIL visits for birthdays only and asks if she should remove shoes which i always decline because she‘s over 80! But she doesn’t come around every other week to see the grandkids..

Exactly.