AIBU to ask DHs family to take their shoes off?

[Toffifee1]

We‘re a shoes off house and my parents and my husbands parents had the same rule at home although adult visitors were usually not asked to take their shoes off when we grew up but they also didn‘t go upstairs.

Despite taking shoes off in her own home i have to ask my MIL to take her shoes off EVERY SINGLE TIME. I have explained that i have a crawling baby who’ll touch everything and put her fingers into her mouth and i‘m trying to teach my toddler not to run in with his shoes on..
MIL usually just sweeps in and i stop her in the living room or kitchen and ask her to take them off to which she replies „but they‘re clean“ (i haven‘t witnessed her ability to fly yet) and „I’ll get cold feet“ (we have floor heating and i then offer her warm socks).

My floors are also not disgusting in case anyone is wondering because i‘d understand wanting to keep shoes on if that were the reason.

Is it rude to ask other adults who do it in their own home to take their shoes off? AIBU? Any tipps?

Personally I think it's really rude to ask someone to take their shoes off - they could have issues with their feet or balance, or hidden pain somewhere that means it's difficult.

Because it's ridiculous. Have shoes off but don't ask guests too.
Having guests wear shoes won't ruin your life and poison everyone.

It's not ridiculous though if that's your preference. I've got cream woollen carpets because they make me happy. Shoes off means they stay pristine. People taking their shoes off won't ruin their lives either.
Plus maybe you live in a clean, lovely place but the city I'm in is filthy is fuck.

My Inlaws are like this no shoes in their carpets. Fair enough. Yet they come in and walk on my carpets like wtf! Stay out the carpeted rooms or take them off.

One did make a mark and I did actually go and get the carpet cleaner there and then to make a bit of a point 😅

I would never ask a guest to remove their shoes unless they were close family or friends. With close family surely it should be ok to express this. That said I’ve specifically told my parents to leave shoes on unless they want to take them off as it is not as easy a process as it once was.

Couldn't agree more!
Also children and pets in and out are 'allowed' but not MILs.
I'd love to know how many men demand shoes off from their guests. 😀 Seems to be mainly female cream carpet lovers who have friends who regularly tread in dog shit.

Exactly this. The odd thing, though, is that I've yet to come across a single friend or relative who has asked me to take my shoes off in their house. Not ever. In fact the only times I've even heard about it as an issue has been on here. Maybe I just don't move in Mumsnet circles!

I’m not bothered at all about people wearing shoes on my hard downstairs floors. I don’t have a baby or toddler though.

I also expect people to use their judgment - don’t wander about in shoes if you know they’re muddy esp not upstairs.

But I’m happy to take shoes off in other houses.

But just for those at the back - shoes off is not posh! Leaving shoes on is the default of so called “posh” people because they traditionally had others to clean their floors.

I like to make guests feel valued and wanted. Not dictated to. We have erg good turtle mats and guests don't go straight up the stairs from outside. We like guests to feel relaxed with us and welcome. There's no crime in keeping shoes on.

I think it’s a good point actually - we are flexible with downstairs shoes for this reason.

if someone is coming round and you’re going in the garden then it makes no sense.

I also think it’s different if it’s a guest guest you seldom see or don’t know well you wouldn’t ask.

but Someone else/MIL coming round every week and staying inside and not doing it?

Yes definitely not posh, which is why I think it attracts such hostility, on last week's thread someone actually pointed out it was non-U.

I know it's a bit Hyacinth/striving upper working class, but I'll own that and enjoy my nice clean carpet, as I'd rather be comfortable than have some random MNers think I'm posh really.

But they probably aren’t asking you - it’s rude to ask - they are probably starting lots of pass agg threads about you 🤣

The Queen often went barefoot when visiting places of worship, homes were it was cultural to remove shoes, ancient relics etc. So has Diana, Kate and Camilla. If asked, they would.
As libg as you are warned, it's easy enough to carry socks.

i just wear socks! No shoes, no slippers. But MIL had the rule in her old house, now we only visit her for her birthday when multiple guests are invited and she doesn’t ask for shoes off anymore.

we have a box of blue thick shoe covers for those who would find removing tneir shoes difficult or are reluctant

Wouldn’t you consider your MIL close family though?

Does the posh/non posh rule apply to this any more, now that we have such a multicultural society and given how prevalent shoes off is in other countries in the world?

I think this is a good point. I don’t have a cream carpet downstairs but MIL walks up the carpeted stairs and into the bedrooms and visits at least once per month and it feels disrespectful that she doesn’t take her shoes off. If i have several guests over just to the terrace and living room i wouldn’t mind that much because i‘d mop the floors afterwards anyway but for her to continue disrespecting my wishes while having a toddler is weird.

Due to cultural reasons we have a shoes off household. I think it's only polite to ask your host what they prefer when you enter their home.

It‘s not about the floor. It’s about the baby.

If you wear shoes inside do you put them on when you get dressed? Or do you only wear them after you’ve been out? Do you ever wear slippers or go barefoot?

I‘ve bern trying to figure this out in american movies. It confuses me.

I insist on shoes off.

My MIL keeps a pair of slippers at my house to wear when she visits. Could yours do the same?

I was thinking about this. Everyone had carpets and visitors didn't remove their shoes. Somehow babies survived

@Abracadabra12345

Of course it's unheard of when I was little, and we were in and out of humble council homes and much larger elegant mansions.

Unfortunately the voc emissions from new carpets are perilous.

Babies won't have any issues with shoes! What on earth could be in the shoes? Well - earth obviously but anything else is never going near a baby. My DC survived. Plus a peck of dirt..... keeps the immune system strong. What baby doesn't get hold of something slightly grubby? It's cruelly good for them!