His comment when the bill came ....

[mrprott]

I went in a date recently.
I was a little anxious before hand about the discomforts of f the bill situation but was and am adamant about splitting bills on dates bar coffees or waters etc.
I knew midway through meal that he was a test so decided to enjoy rest of meal and put it down to experience.
I suggested at the end we call for the bill. It came. He looked at it , sat back on his chair and with a swerve of his hand pointing at the bill said ..'do you want me to pay for this or what ?' In a really nonchalant voice ..
I nearly died 😂🤣🙈
I was so shocked at how he spoke to me.... this boastful, popular , millionaire( his words ? with his jaguar and photos of his palatial spread ....
The waiter caught sight of this and got awkward and left ..
I said of course we're splitting it but in my fifty years of living on this earth, I have never been asked anything like this in such a way and I was mortified.
He didn't understand this at all???
Shrugged his shoulder and that was that ..
AIBU ?

I always offer to pay, but given he was being a dick when he said “do you want me to pay for this or what” I would have been sorely tempted to play dumb and just answer breezily “that’s so generous, thank you”

Maybe then he’ll rethink his attitude towards the next woman.

He sounds rather ungracious and arrogant. You're well shot of him. What a way to phrase it 'or what?' He would have been well served if you'd said, 'Well actually, I was going to go halves but seeing as you're such a rich dick, you can pick up the tab. Bye.'

His was blunt rude, and for all his millions(?), he wanted you to know that he wouldn't be taken advantage of🙄 Just awful.

Is it the norm to make it clear at the beginning that you'll be splitting the bill?

*He

You are a better person than me @mrprott .

Firstly, I doubt I would have had a meal with him (my iron clad internet dating rule was coffee or drink only on a first date).

Secondly, if I had had a brain fart and agreed to endure a whole meal, and he was as twatty as you described and then asked me the question in the way you make it sound, I would not have been able to resist accepting his offer to pay. (If the date was horrific because the person was unpleasant I had no qualms about letting them pay, although the true horror shows rarely offered. I'd always go 50/50 otherwise).

He sounds like a bullet well dodged.

I don’t mean this unkindly, but you’re going to need to toughen up / raise your bar for mortification if you’re trying internet dating.

This obviously wasnt very nice behavior from him, but it’s at the very mild end of what you can expect when internet dating, I’m sorry to say.

It’s been years since I did it, but I can’t imagine things have got any better. I’ve been single for 7 years and it’s this kind of shit that keeps me single! I haven’t got the endurance/ patience I had in my 20s!

@nfkl did you mean pillock or do you use fish to insult people? 😂

This! I would have also said something like that.

Tbh, if he said that to me, I probably would have said, I do yea, and see what he said.
Just to annoy him. Sounds like a twat.

Did you have enough cash on you? Anyone who asked me that would be sadly disappointed. I haven’t carried cash beyond a few coins for years.

He sounds like an arse and because he's an arse, and a braggart to boot, he's been stung for the bill in the past.

He's realised that the date was a dud and thought it was going to happen again. Cause and effect really.

Such a shame you were on the receiving end.

Full dinner for a first date probably isn't a good idea anyway.

"do you want me to pay for this or what?"

Because of his bragging and his attitude I would have said "yes" quickly followed with "byeee" as I left.

If he had said anything I would probably have told him the bill was a small price to pay for my patience listening to his bragging.

This comment about Revolut is so funny to me! I can tell by some of the things that that the OP has said that she’s clearly in Ireland. In Ireland, EVERYONE has Revolut. They even offer up to €60 to refer people because there is basically no one left to recruit. It’s by far the most convenient and common way to send money and many restaurants (the ones that previously would have been cash only) say specifically that they will take Revolut payments. When I moved to the UK, I was surprised how few people have it here. So in this context - Revolut itself is not a red flag!

Sorry for jumping on your comment @Ohwellithappens

Oh and the guy is clearly a bit of a twat!

He was like ...sure.... then proceeded to suggest I pay him Cash while he used Revolut to pay the total. Honest to fuck
What's the problem here?
He used his card to pay and you said your share. Does it matter if it went directly to him or to the restaurant as long as the bill was settled?

Not even an emergency tenner tucked into your bra?

You can split the bill without making a boorish, defensive statement about it

Exactly.
I remember one date I went on, we were meeting for drinks. We go to the bar and I actually offered to get the first one. Bar tender then tells me the card machine wasn't working. The date had some cash on him so he paid. Then he picked up both drinks and said "I'll look after these while you go to the cash machine". Didn't even let me take a sip! Heaven forbid I might somehow con him out of a drink!

I did stay for one more drink to fulfil my round. Then made my excuses and left. He texted me telling me what a great time he'd had! But that had really put me off.

Yeah the cashless queens are conspicuous by their abscence on this thread

Yeah, but this isn't going to cover a meal with drinks these days...

I don’t think there was probably anything wrong…..it sounds as if the date hadn’t gone that well anyway…..or OP was it going well as far a you were concerned before that.

So, if date has been mediocre/poor especially, when the man is given the bill, I can see how they might feel a bit irritated if there’s any suggestion they will be paying it all. It could well be that in the past women on dates have assumed that. It could be that a woman (OP) not having purse out indicates a possible suggestion that the man will pay.

So, his phrasing wasn’t great. But it’s unlikely such phrasing would have been used if this had been a great date and things had been going really well between them. And even if it hadn’t been great, this probably wouldn’t have been used if OP already had her purse out. But if neither of these was the case, regardless of wealth, I can see why someone who has many dates and always feels expected to pay, might get a bit weary and offhand when bills come.

On one level, men can’t win. Women say they want to split the bill. However, many women (including those on this thread) do expect the man to pay or at least to offer. That expectation is there in lots of people and men know it. And lots of women (like OP) say they expected to pay, but didn’t make it clear before ordering or before the bill arrived….only after the bill arrived and after the man had had to say something first.

So actually I think Op could have helped the situation. She could have said upfront that she’d like to split or at the point the bill was asked for. Instead, it seems like a bit of a test was actually going on - would he offer to pay or not. It seems this was the point when OP decided he was a twat and nothing particularly beforehand.

Fine if she doesn’t want to see him again. No-one has to go on a second date, but I think that this thing about splitting bills, when to discuss it, it feeling awkward etc and actually the often unspoken expectation men will pay or at least offer enthusiastically (which gives women a chance to be paid for) is there….and a bit annoying when women SAY they always want to split, but don’t actually demonstrate this in a timely fashion to be meaningful.

An emergency tenner isn’t for drinks and a meal, (unless you are having a Spoons breakfast) it’s for a get out of Dodge cab. Though you are right, these days it’s best to have £20 tucked in your bra, though the new plastic notes are a tad spikey.

then proceeded to suggest I pay him Cash while he used Revolut to pay the total. Honest to fuck 🙄'

Honest to fuck, what? I actually don’t understand what’s wrong with this!

It sounds like he didn’t think the date went well and was possibly wondering if you were going to leave him with the bill which is why he responded like he did. You clearly weren’t well suited!

Sometimes. I can’t understand if people are reading the same post as me. “we call for the bill. It came. He looked at it , sat back on his chair and with a swerve of his hand pointing at the bill said ..'do you want me to pay for this or what ?' In a really nonchalant voice”

where is the confusion about what was shit/annoying/disrespectful about this?

Are people literally missing out reading entire chunks of a post? I keep seeing all these replies on posts and I don’t understand what parts of the post people are missing! I genuinely don’t get it! I don’t even think it’s because people wouldn’t think that the way he behaved is shit… it’s like they can’t see the actual words of the post or something. I feel like I’m going crazy sometimes wondering what it is people are reading and how they aren’t seeing the words that are there in the post!

It’s like this thread is -populated by the dine and dashers you see in the mail 😂

Not a gentleman, never see him again, he will only get worse.