His comment when the bill came ....

[mrprott]

I went in a date recently.
I was a little anxious before hand about the discomforts of f the bill situation but was and am adamant about splitting bills on dates bar coffees or waters etc.
I knew midway through meal that he was a test so decided to enjoy rest of meal and put it down to experience.
I suggested at the end we call for the bill. It came. He looked at it , sat back on his chair and with a swerve of his hand pointing at the bill said ..'do you want me to pay for this or what ?' In a really nonchalant voice ..
I nearly died 😂🤣🙈
I was so shocked at how he spoke to me.... this boastful, popular , millionaire( his words ? with his jaguar and photos of his palatial spread ....
The waiter caught sight of this and got awkward and left ..
I said of course we're splitting it but in my fifty years of living on this earth, I have never been asked anything like this in such a way and I was mortified.
He didn't understand this at all???
Shrugged his shoulder and that was that ..
AIBU ?

I think because he spoke to her the way he did it embarrassed her. The waiter heard which was probably also embarrassing

I get what you're saying, however, if he's boasting to potential dates about being loaded and then he's setting himself up to fail imo.

He'd be better off keeping quiet until he gets to know someone better.

What's Revolut?

I still don’t understand what happened!
Body language and tone of voice, yes… but what body language and tone of voice?

Patronising? Aggressive?

Whatever, it doesn’t matter because you didn’t like him. I’m just not sure what you’re actually describing.

I’m not knocking your assessment of his as a test/twat, but this bit, “I was a little anxious before hand about the discomforts of f the bill situation” does make it sound like you were more likely to be sensitive to whatever he said around the bill.

Oh well. You'd already decided the guy was a twat.

So you just hand the waiter your card and say 'we'll pay half each so charge half to this'. Then smile at twat and leave him to pay his half so you can go home.

The swagger always makes me laugh though. I once had a date who had boasted for three hours straight. When the bill came he threw down an American Express Black card.

To which the waiter said 'I'm sorry sir, we don't accept American Express.' I nearly choked laughing while I paid the bill with my humble HSBC Visa.

As you say, chalk it up to experience 🙂

Well this should be a lesson for all waiters/waitresses don’t assume the man is paying by putting the bill on his side of the table, put it in the middle! 😂

I think the whole phrase was rude—if he wanted to host he should just have graciously paid. If he wanted to split he could have simply said “oh we will be splitting the bill” ( to the waiter) or “would it be alright to split the bill?” To you.

I don't understand this? Was she meant to snatch the bill and say it's ok we are going halves? She sat and politely waited for the waiter to bring the bill, twat face looked and it and made his comment before she had a chance to do or say anything!
I would have liked to see what my date would say with regards to paying or splitting the bill regardless if I was paying half or not (personally I always would) so you have a bit more insight into who you are dealing with!

Yeah this

bullet dodged.

You say two contradictory things about the way he behaved around the bill, though, OP, which I think is what's confusing people about why you were so 'mortified'.

In your OP you say:

He looked at it , sat back on his chair and with a swerve of his hand pointing at the bill said ..'do you want me to pay for this or what ?' In a really nonchalant voice ..

Then in your subsequent post you say:

When the bill came his body language , tone of voice and manners were atrocious.

Which is it? Are you misusing the term 'nonchalant', which means cool, unconcerned, unworried? Completely different thing to 'atrocious'!

I don't think it's that unreasonable a question. Obviously there was something in his tone and you'd already decided you didn't like him, but:

If he's very comfortable off and you know that, he might genuinely be very comfortable with picking up the whole bill, but also know there's a chance you wouldn't want that.

When I split the bill with friends, it's not at all unusual for one to pay the whole thing and the others settle up either with cash or bank tf, just to make the actually paying bit a bit more straightforward

If you had cash then giving him the cash made sense. Easier for the serving staff if nothing else.

i get you didn’t like him but I think that may be turning this into a bigger issue than it was.

That's so funny.

I was always fine with bill etiquette at meals on proper dates but found the concept of someone randomly buying you a drink at the bar really baffling. I only ever heard about it - it seemed to be pre the era of proper dates where I live. Occasionally it would happen when on weekends away and I'd be confused how to respond; if I said no was that me sending him away and if I said yes did I have to drink it in his company.

Anyway one evening I was at the bar waiting for my drink when a very handsome man appeared offering to buy me a drink. The barman appeared at the same time and put mine down in front of me. We both laughed and he said "well can I pay for that one?" So I nodded and smiling looked forward to the chatting up to begin.

Instead however a second man appears glowering at him (I'm going to assume BIL) and Handsome Drink Buyer stiffens. I haven't fully caught up so I still stand there smiling awkwardly. He says something but I indicated I don't catch it so he repeats in a OTT loud disapproving voice "I said I'm married!" and shakes his head to everyone nearby to let them know I'm bothering him.

I pick up my drink, thank him and walk back to my friends utterly aghast.

What was your attitude? Standing there, saying nothing and hoping he'd pick up the bill?

Because that would explain his response and tone.

I don't see the problem. You just reply, 'No, let's split it.' No issue.

If you'd asked for the bill and then did nothing with it "do you want me to get that or what?" doesn't seem like an unreasonable question. He was probably quite genuine in a willingness to pay it, but also wondering why you'd asked for it if you weren't going to either pay it or discuss paying it.

God, I’ve never in my life been on a date where the man didn’t pay. If a man suggested splitting the bill I’d assume he didn’t want to see me again because he wouldn’t be…

But we’re all different. OP’s date sounds like a right prick. In that situation I too would have split the bill and left it at that.

Exactly. The question he asked put OP and the waiter FWIW into a weird place. There are many questions men like this pose (I assume women might too, I've never seen it). Basically you are put into a place where you're a cheeky moo or a mug. See also:

You don't mind if I go to Amsterdam with all my single friends for a week, right?
You're cool with strippers, correct?
And so on.

They look like someone checking in and asking to be nice, but they're actually PA little tests of your Cool Wife potential.

OP wanted to split. But the way he posed the question meant that he wanted to LOOK like he offered to pay while making it really obvious he wasn't going to. The correct way to do this is everyone fights to pay the bill and settles on either splitting (if you'll never see them again) or paying next time (if you actually like them).

He sounds charming. I went on a first date and ended up arguing with him over splitting the bill as he insisted he was paying. As he paid he turned to me and said “don’t expect me to pay for you again.”

Are you sure it wasn’t because you took a long while to get your purse out when the bill came?

That would make sense if so.

I mean, yes, clearly 'Do you want me to pay for this or what?' is an arrogant and obnoxious way of offering to pay the bill. But you said he'd been arrogant and obnoxious throughout the entire date, so why was it a surprise?

I'm not sure why that one example has struck you as so outlandish. He was a twat. He offered to pay in a manner that was as twattish as you would expect. That's it. You just had a bad date. Happens all the time.

Have you time travelled to 2024?

God, I’ve never in my life been on a date where the man didn’t pay. If a man suggested splitting the bill I’d assume he didn’t want to see me again because he wouldn’t be…

Have you been on a date since 1956?

"God, I’ve never in my life been on a date where the man didn’t pay. If a man suggested splitting the bill I’d assume he didn’t want to see me again because he wouldn’t be…"

Grabby bastard 🤣 but unashamedly