His comment when the bill came ....

[mrprott]

I went in a date recently.
I was a little anxious before hand about the discomforts of f the bill situation but was and am adamant about splitting bills on dates bar coffees or waters etc.
I knew midway through meal that he was a test so decided to enjoy rest of meal and put it down to experience.
I suggested at the end we call for the bill. It came. He looked at it , sat back on his chair and with a swerve of his hand pointing at the bill said ..'do you want me to pay for this or what ?' In a really nonchalant voice ..
I nearly died 😂🤣🙈
I was so shocked at how he spoke to me.... this boastful, popular , millionaire( his words ? with his jaguar and photos of his palatial spread ....
The waiter caught sight of this and got awkward and left ..
I said of course we're splitting it but in my fifty years of living on this earth, I have never been asked anything like this in such a way and I was mortified.
He didn't understand this at all???
Shrugged his shoulder and that was that ..
AIBU ?

It’s not hard. The bill arrives. You look at each other. One person or the other says “Let me get it this time” or “Shall we split it right down the middle” or “How do you prefer to split it?” Then one or both of you pay the bill.

That is hard!

But it sounds like at this stage you had already decided he was a boor you didn't want to see again and this behaviour just confirmed it. Why give it so much headspace? Just move on.

He sounds like a real piece of work. I'm hoping for his sake that he was thinking "we don't click, if i'm an ass it will be clear and she won't ask for another date..." Because otherwise it's just so sad that men so awful can get a first date to begin with!

Was it already clear that this was to be your last meeting? As I recall, it’s usually pretty obvious, even if not explicitly stated!

Personally I would have bluntly responded that no I’m paying for mine while standing up with coat and bag heading for the till and out.

How is it hard?!

It’s hard if you are trying to gauge what the other person actually wants. Some women do get sniffy about being paid for (“bought.” )

So say, “I’d like to get this one if it’s all right with you? You could get the next if you like?”

And if the woman gets sniffy about being “bought”, you think, “Wow, she’s kinda hard work, I think I’ll keep looking.”

I’ve got a friend who genuinely gets panicked if she thinks there is a risk of one of the rest of us picking up her share of the bill. If she needs the loo she sits jigging in her seat and rubber-necking for the waiter’s attention so she can pay hers ( to the penny) before she goes, just in case it comes while she is away from the table and one of the rest of us pick it up. I know what she’s afraid of: it’s that we will say “no don’t worry about paying me back; you can shout me next time.” She’s worried the next time the bill will come to more than her one on this occasion - or, to be fair, doesn’t want to budget for two meals the next time she goes out. So some people are genuinely not a fan of running up a perceived debt or letting the paying split get “out of control.” It therefore isn’t just a given that you should grab it and say “it’s on me.” That works better if it’s been a lovely evening and you know you both want an excuse to do it again soon - or if it’s genuinely getting romantic. The guy had to ask if they hadn’t discussed it, he didn’t know her, and the date hadn’t been an obvious success.

It therefore isn’t just a given that you should grab it and say “it’s on me.” That works better if it’s been a lovely evening and you know you both want an excuse to do it again soon - or if it’s genuinely getting romantic. The guy had to ask if they hadn’t discussed it, he didn’t know her, and the date hadn’t been an obvious success.

Okay, so don't say, "It's on me." Say, "Shall we split the bill? Does right down the middle or each pay for ourselves work better for you?"

Instead the guy said, "Do you want me to pay this or what?" Putting all the awkwardness onto the OP and in kind of an aggressive way. He was rude, and he didn't need to be, when there are so, so many other ways to handle this conversation.

No loss. Oh dear

Well the mirror thinks this is newsworthy

https://www.mirror.co.uk/lifestyle/sex-relationships/relationships/woman-mortified-over-dates-rude-32823252

I don't understand why people say they don't 'get' it.

Yes, OP, he was clearly an absolute 'test'. I've never come across that kind of behaviour either! (Not because he wondered who would pay the bill - because of the way he did it.) I hope you're not seeing him again 😳

I'm confused.

I thought it was anxiety over paying the bill etiquette.

But neither of you seem to have any etiquette.

He's flaunting his jag, photos of palatial home and is self-boasting millionaire.

Along with "Do you want me to pay for this or what?"

So he's not into social niceties, or being gallant, or being graceful, or being articulate or paying a compliment.

And you don't come from a wealthy background either.

Your viewpoint is the ethics of paying 50/50.

He's just asking you whether he needs to splash the cash.

I understand why the waiter was backing away.

then proceeded to suggest I pay him Cash while he used Revolut to pay the total. Honest to fuck 🙄

so he could take the cash and put it on expenses? ffs

You dodged a bullet. He sounds rude and arrogant.

because some twats think if they get dinner they get something else, as they paid. They don't want to take turns paying for dinner - they want sex for paying for dinner - she did say he was a twat

Surely that is an entirely different conversation. And if the woman is concerned that her date might want sex in exchange for a chicken Kiev, she would demur gracefully and say she would prefer to split the bill.

A chicken Kiev! 🤣

Is a thing that you just made up.

I am. And I do.

I don’t get it. You are not seeing him again the?

For all those not seeing the issue here, it's the or what?

Now do you see? 🙂 Fucking rude, full stop.
That's it in two words.

Yeah but it’s not hysteria levels like this. I mean yes it was blunt, but they clearly didn’t like each other and were not going to see each other again. He could have phrased it better, but I really don’t get this whole extreme sensitivity.

🤣