His comment when the bill came ....

[mrprott]

I went in a date recently.
I was a little anxious before hand about the discomforts of f the bill situation but was and am adamant about splitting bills on dates bar coffees or waters etc.
I knew midway through meal that he was a test so decided to enjoy rest of meal and put it down to experience.
I suggested at the end we call for the bill. It came. He looked at it , sat back on his chair and with a swerve of his hand pointing at the bill said ..'do you want me to pay for this or what ?' In a really nonchalant voice ..
I nearly died 😂🤣🙈
I was so shocked at how he spoke to me.... this boastful, popular , millionaire( his words ? with his jaguar and photos of his palatial spread ....
The waiter caught sight of this and got awkward and left ..
I said of course we're splitting it but in my fifty years of living on this earth, I have never been asked anything like this in such a way and I was mortified.
He didn't understand this at all???
Shrugged his shoulder and that was that ..
AIBU ?

He was rude, so yes. A twat

Yes, I agree that sounded rude.

So so true. A good response to his rudeness would have been (perhaps deploying the classic Mumsnet tinkly laugh), “It’s not clear to me from what you just said whether you’re offering to pay the bill, but regardless, I’m happy for us to pay for ourselves today.”

I've had the same tenner in my purse for over a year - haven't used cash for that long, everything goes on a card!

😆

Haha he was not a millionaire 😄

nobody who us really rich flashes their wealth like that. He’s a wannabe

What an arrogant tit. Well rid OP 😂

So if I’m understanding correctly you’d discussed ahead of time that you wanted to split the bill. The bill comes and you’re not making an obvious move to indicate that you are going to pay any of it so he asks if he should get it? Presumably if you were sat with your card in hand he wouldn’t have asked?

Not harassing @mrprott more someone who quoted me suggesting I’m deliberately misunderstanding. I’m not I don’t understand from what you’ve written here what his wrong was. I’ve been him on dates and ended up picking up whole bill (when I certainly haven’t wanted to!)

As far as I can see, its one of two things OP.

Firstly you were hesitant in taking out your credit card which resulted in him asking. It isn't certain he asked in an arrogant manner because from your description of him, he was arrogant anyway.

But I suspect your embarrassment was more that you had decided you didn't like him but had stayed to see the date through and his asking you whether you expected him to pay meant that he was quite obviously showing you that he wasn't interested in you either. Despite you not liking him, he was clearly showing that he wasn't going to see you again (because if he was trying to impress you and wanted to 'woo' you, he would at least have offered to pay). That can be a kick in the teeth for any of us and I think that because he made it so obvious that even the waiter picked up on it, was embarrassing?

My friends and I often do that. If we’re out sometimes someone will pay for the whole thing and others will give them cash.

I think you’re overreacting (you nearly died - in 50 years on earth you’ve never been asked anything this way) and dissecting it unnecessarily formally. He asked if you wanted to split the bill which you did want to do, so that’s not offensive. It sounds like you have preconceived ideas about the wording he was meant to use and you felt he was flippant or impolite. None of us can hear this tone which you say left you mortified so none of us know if YABU to be mortified by it. In short, if you’re left nearly dying with shock and embarrassment then just don’t see him again. It all sounds pretty trivial. It’s not like he said ‘I expect I’m paying for it all since most women I meet are freeloaders?’

I’ve seen some long bows drawn on this site before but youve really gone out of your way to make the OP seem unreasonable/feel small here!!

Would you mind pointing out what she wrote exactly that causes you to think she was slow to get her credit card out? As there is absolutely nothing I can see to suggest that.

then proceeded to suggest I pay him Cash while he used Revolut to pay the total

What’s wrong with that?

As you'd already decided he was a twat, I don't understand why you "nearly died". Surely you expected a twat to behave like a twat? His rudeness only reflected on him, not you.

It's only as weird as you want to make it. It's not a big deal. You wanted to split it, he wanted to split it. No issue

That was not my intention. However if I was with somebody e.g. a friend and we called for the bill, we would both have reached for our wallets before the bill even arrived because I'd want to make sure that she didn't try to pay for it and vice versa. If I was on a date, and worried before even going on the date, about how the bill would be paid, I would absolutely have had my wallet out.

But my main point was not about the payment at all. It was in response to the OP's embarrassment which I suspect may not be completely related to the bill at all but to his lack of interest in trying to woo her. Many years ago, I went on a blind date. It didn't go particularly well and I knew that I didn't want to see him again. When we were saying goodbye, it was pretty standard for my dates/friends to have hailed a taxi and offered me the first one that came along while they got the next one (for safety reasons mainly). On this date, when we left the bar, the date said goodbye and walked off and hailed a taxi for himself. I remember feeling more embarrassed than annoyed because he clearly wasn't attracted to me either but his actions made it obvious. Even now, twenty years later, I still remember feeling rubbish at the way he walked off, leaving me standing in the cold at midnight trying to hail a taxi on a busy night.

You are holding on to this because you have absorbed that his tone has something to do with you. It didn’t. You’d surmised he was a twat. He proved he was a twat. Forget it.

I was thinking of posting exactly this.

" of course I'd already decided we'd split the bill but when the time came to pay and I had to pay my own way I was aghast"

In Paris, I met on one of the bookstalls, an American.
We had a brief friendship that I didn't want to take further at the time as we both lived in different countries.

He was very modest about his life- turns out he is a wealthy Manhattan real estate agent - Genuinely wealthy men tent to keep quiet about their wealth because of gold diggers.

A lovely man.

Exactly right!

I think, as you say, it was gauche, but I think it was exactly that: gauche. People aren’t often gauche on purpose.

I think he might have been dimly aware that it could be seen as misogynistic to offer to pay, but also aware that, like many of the posters on here have admitted, some women actually expect men to pay - all of which made it come out awkwardly.

I’m not “pretending” that view by any means, and I don’t really believe the others saying this do either.

Bear in mind, by this stage he probably gauged op felt he had not passed the “twat test” so he was mopping up the last requirements of the evening and probably not operating on the inspiration of that great muse, mutual attraction.

I can see it probably felt like a last straw to op if she hadn’t enjoyed the time with him. But ultimately none of us heard how it was said. Heavy emphasis on the word “me” and a look of distaste could make it come across quite differently from a gauche manner.

Sounds like a guy I went in a date with once. His initials weren’t SC were they?

These men who act the big I am then if he cud wud have paid on Klarna lol. Well rid of him.. the twat