Salt burn makes me worry for poor kids at ‘posh’ unis.

[Pippetypoppity]

Im beginning to think certain Universities have much wealthier students on average and a kid from a poorer background would have a hard time perhaps ? Oliver in Saltburn was almost ostracised. Dc is looking at Exeter and Bath as favs. Not going to have any of the spending money, nice things from home the private school kids there will have I’m guessing. Will they have a hard time and be excluded in any way do you think. Horrible to think that as pretty shy and socially awkward anyway 🥹.

With all respect remove the chip from your shoulder and don’t project onto your kid. Bath is fantastic, great community and lots of opportunity for weekend work. It’ll be the making of them.

I went to Oxford from a notoriously bad failing school, and to me the private/state education distinction wasn’t the obvious one in terms of life experience — plenty of ordinary enough LMC types with aspirant parents at private schools. The difference in life experience was between someone like me and the people from much wealthier backgrounds, who had, other than having had a lot of holidays, usually done very few of the (very ordinary) things I’d done.

What, like visit a supermarket?

I honestly am not sure privately educated people are so incredibly limited in their experiences.

I’m just not sure what these ordinary things people keep mentioning are. Admittedly that’s maybe because I haven’t done them. But it would interesting to know nonetheless.

From our experiences, my DC mixed with private school kids from an early age through extra curricular classes, so meeting people at university was nothing new.

Dance classes, swimming, theatre, cricket, football clubs round here all have a mix of state and private school kids.

Surely that must be the same in most places?

No never posted about this before. I’m not worried they will meet posh people. That’s the whole point really- I would love them to meet posh people. I would love them to meet all sorts of people. That’s what Dc wants - to make friends and fit in. I’m just worried this wouldn’t be reciprocated. Olivers perceived poverty did make a difference in Saltburn. It was mentioned by the other students. ( Wasn’t it the hurtful rejection that turned him into a vengeful weirdo not the other way around - I know it was ridiculously extreme but Emerald Fennel was just making a dramatic point I thought ). Any rejection is hurtful when all you want to do is make friends and get along with people for who they are not what they are. Dc is so accepting, inclusive and caring. I’d hate for them to find lots who mightn’t be - just because of something so silly and meaningless as ‘class’. How disappointing and disillusioning that could be. Uni is supposed to help you grow. You see?
Im reassured by most of the posts though. Mind you, reading them I’m rather glad they haven’t chosen Durham!

This is true. I see this happening with my daughter. Mixing with the children at her school has opened her eyes to so many new possibilities.

I love how fascinated she is by some of the moms’ careers and it’s giving her such drive.

Most importantly, she’s seen that they are also nice and normal people who just happen to do well.

Nothing exotic in the slightest, which is precisely my point. My dad was on longterm sick leave after an industrial accident, and I’m the eldest of a big family, so we needed my income during my schooldays, so I worked as a seasonal relief milker, in a slaughterhouse, busked and did a bit of (very low-key) work as a session singer as well as the more usual teenage shelf stacking, bar work, pub flyering for djs etc, and I hitched around the country a lot (in a way that’s unthinkable now). I worked for a couple of tiny pirate radio stations as well. My parents were functionally illiterate, and my father’s hands were crushed in the accident, so I probably had more responsibility than most at a younger age.

I got a scholarship to Private school when I was 11 back in the 80's.
I was never made to feel like I was any less than anyone else and it really opened up my eyes to a lot of new experiences.
I have friends all over the world now and spent a month in Hong Kong staying with a family when I was 17.
It was a very different world to the small, poor Northern town I lived in and I will be forever grateful to my Mum for making me go when I just wanted to go to the local Comp with my friends.

Ask not what a posh student can do for you – ask what you can do for a posh student!

Make sure your child knows their worth and they won’t see themselves as lesser. There are benefits to all students when coming across people from all walks of life. It benefits very wealthy people to be around those that have more financially challenging lives and visa versa.

OP if you have time read up on what cultural capital and social capital means. Usually the offspring of the most privileged have had the widest experience of the world in their short life span. Top private schools offer no end of sporting, cultural societies, school trips, different languages, drama/music sports and these kids then travel a lot as well in the holidays and their parents’ tend to have friends all over the world and they attend things like Wimbledon, concerts in London (pop and classical), horse racing like Ascot, the list goes on and on. Think of the exposure Prince George has had at his young age and then add in the fact that the very rich are free to roam (unlike the Royals) and then you will get an idea of the level of experiences these kids have already had. So those like that if your DD comes across them they tend not to judge at all because they have seen so much already anyway and usually they have been strongly encouraged to do charitable work as well (like many of their very privileged parents tend to do, especially in the UK where charities are such a big thing).

What is important is that your DD goes to uni open minded and without prejudices towards different social classes and cultures. The more open minded she will be, the better her experience will be. Bath/Exeter will be an amazing opportunity for her if she seizes all the various experiences on offer and meets as many people as possible. No young person should ever be defined by their own parents. If you feel you have been able to offer her a limited experience of the world so far, all the more reason to send her somewhere full of kids who have had a broader experience.
Unfortunately the reality and truth is that the poorest children in society have the most narrow experience. The “real world” out there consists of infinite number of experiences and the rich and privileged very much know and understand this and make sure their own DCs get it from an early age.

Truly op it is so normal to worry about our dc but no-one is going to be awful to people just because they are from state schools .

That was hammed up for the plot line - and even then it wasn’t the “ true” posh student who was unkind anyway; it was really the illegitimate child who in the circumstances of that family had insecurity issues of his own. I went to a private school and a posh university and can confirm that my friends and I really didn’t think that way. If anything people are impressed that people get there regardless and it’s the poshos who get labelled as not really deserving it, having an easy ride, ignorant of the real world and other prejudice as far as I can see. Maybe long before Saltburn the world was more socially snobbish; but not today amongst people who are bright enough to see past those things.

The other thing I would say is the Saltburn writer cited other influences besides these two works but many, many people think there was at least a subliminal influence from Brideshead and Talented Mr Ripley. Both of those date from the 40’s and 50’s and reflect values of a different era. The retention of the social tension was necessary, however, to add fuel to the outplaying of the psychosis in Saltburn. Of course there are always a few toffs who are feeling a bit “ inadequate” for their own reasons ( like the cousin / “ adopted brother” in Saltburn) or who feel at the bottom academically who might be tossers. Insecurity always brings out the worst in people. But if your DC is bright, friendly, interesting and non-chippy she will be welcomed regardless of background by people who share academic interests, sense of humour etc. I’d have been nice if we shared interests!

My DC went to universities considered posh and they were fine. As pp says it was the making of them.

I do think some posters are downplaying how insensitive, entitled and ignorant of their own privilege 18 year olds who have grown up with wealth can be! I disagree that those are all attitudes of the past. Having said that, I am very much in the camp of don't limit your child's opportunities and ambition! My university experience was great, in spite of the few who did display those attitudes.

Exactly and I doubt many of them have rented a flat above a shop. If they want to be the future Tory politicians OP it is mutually beneficial, they need to understand all walks of life and who will be voting for them (or not).

My friend who loved in a multi million pound house in Bucks (I was in awe when I went to visit there) loved in a grotty student flat above a shop with me. Her family had money yes but she also made friends with people who didn't and so lived in accommodation that we could afford. Yes not everyone with money is like that but lots are

I’m not referring to a flat as a student, people inhabit accommodation and areas in the country even that they’ll never see again!

Odd that you assume I don’t know people who have lots of money and what they are like. I mean I don’t have data on this so I wouldn’t know what lots of wealthy students are like, you’d have to carry out an anonymous survey for that kind of data.

My point was that the OP should not worry and she should see those that she deems rich/posh whatever as benefiting from
the company of her child- after all, all cats are grey in the dark!

As students that should read as in student accommodation is temporary accommodation.

And in fact plenty of wealthy students (or, I should say, students with wealthy parents) are given fairly tight budgets for these very reasons. Not everyone is given a massive allowance to play round with.

And is it really so incredible to some posters that people might make friends regardless of wealth? @WinnerwinnerGinfordinner is hardly alone in the friendship dynamic she describes. Amazingly, privately educated people actually enjoy the company of people with similar academic interests .

Family member went to St Andrews. He said the yahs kept to themselves, you were never part of their group.

Were they unkind?

I was told by a Rick person that St Andrews is hard to get into and has quite high intake of international students because Prince William went there. When I was younger, went to uni late nineties, it wasn’t particularly high grades to get into St Andrews so I was surprised about that.

rich not ‘Rick’ although could be a rich person named Rick but more likely Nick.

Actually the Prince William factor could explain why @tiagra’s relative said there was some cliquey behaviour. Anyone choosing a university because a royal went there might well be a socially ambitious/ grasping type.

But worry not OP: I don’t think Bath or Exeter will have that vibe. They will be students from all walks who, money or not, have had to work hard to get there and will be looking forward to making friends with other people interested ( and interesting) on their courses.

Or Frederick …

Oh yes, didn’t think of that.