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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Salt burn makes me worry for poor kids at ‘posh’ unis.

317 replies

Pippetypoppity · 15/05/2024 11:56

Im beginning to think certain Universities have much wealthier students on average and a kid from a poorer background would have a hard time perhaps ? Oliver in Saltburn was almost ostracised. Dc is looking at Exeter and Bath as favs. Not going to have any of the spending money, nice things from home the private school kids there will have I’m guessing. Will they have a hard time and be excluded in any way do you think. Horrible to think that as pretty shy and socially awkward anyway 🥹.

OP posts:
W0tnow · 15/05/2024 18:12

JJathome · 15/05/2024 17:54

Also op, Exeter has 65 percent from state and bath 75 percent. They both have a majority of state school students,

id also make sure you support your daughter and don’t let your own prejudices and fears limit her.

It’s a very high percentage of privately educated, given that overall in the uk 6% of kids are privately educated.

I think? Someone correct me if I’m wrong!

VerlynWebbe · 15/05/2024 18:20

I don't think this is an unreasonable worry at all! As lots of people have said, Saltburn isn't real, they massively exaggerated the ratio, but of course Oxford has plenty of posh twats at undergraduate level. Of course it has. As does Cambridge. As are several other unis like Durham, Edinburgh, St Andrews, Bristol.

But they do not rule. There are tons of other people and you find your friends, you really do. And you get to observe these strange, super-posh people in the wild, and it's educational. It gives you an understanding of how institutions are so badly run. It gives you such a healthy contempt for the establishment. You learn a little swagger.

In amongst all that there are some lovely, posh, privately-educated people who also don't fit into the category depicted in Saltburn. People are people, really, and those caricatures exist but are an absolute extreme.

I found going to a university with a higher-than-average ratio of private school sorts (as a working class girl from a single parent family, first in the family to go so absolutely no experience) was really instructive. Not always pleasant. There were moments. I was sometimes out of my depth in tutorials. There was a little sneering. But I had my friends and it was all part of life and I wouldn't spend any more time worrying about your son because he's going to get a lot out of it, regardless of whether some floppy-fringed lounging Tarquin looks down on him one time.

Thebellofstclements · 15/05/2024 18:22

The percentage of privileged students will be higher but the majority will still be from state schools (with a significant percentage of those not being wealthy state school kids). He will find his own people in time. You can research which halls of residence would be most suitable - a couple will be stuffed with the public school crowd that your son may prefer to not live with immediately.

Lifeomars · 15/05/2024 18:23
  1. Only 6% of children go to private school
  2. Saltburn was fiction

Some kids thrive at university regardless of their background, some don't again regardless of their background. It takes a while to settle in and university isn't for everybody. Leaving home is challenging for young people, and it takes time to get to know people and find your feet. My child did fine and I brought him up by myself in a tough inner city area. Just encourage your child, let them know you believe in them and that you are there to support them in whatever way you can

Surprisedbuthappy · 15/05/2024 18:29

I haven't seen the film - sounds bonkers from the quick description I just read!

I was a poor kid at a posh university in the mid-2000s. My time there overlapped with royalty, so we're talking extremely posh! I remember my parents having the same concerns and my father in particular even tried to put me off going there. They were the best years of my life, hands down! I did have some friends who'd gone to private school, but we pretty much moved in completely separate circles. I made loads of other state school friends - we sometimes ran into the posh lot in the streets or at a ball (we had lots of balls) but it was completely fine.

Don't limit your child's opportunities for them! Let them make their own decisions and if they're not happy there after a year they can always move!

Razorwire · 15/05/2024 18:29

There are posh a-holes and contextual-offer a-holes and a-holes in between.

Teach you child to avoid the a- holes. Many, if not most, posh kids are nice w normal parents.

feelingalittlehorse · 15/05/2024 18:32

I mean, I managed a whole 5 year degree and wasn’t mentally distressed enough to drink someone’s dirty bathwater.

So I think he’ll be fine.

FamBae · 15/05/2024 18:37

My DD (from a South London working class background) did her degree at Cambridge about 15 years ago, she mentioned that she wasn't as well read as some of the other students and couldn't compete with their designer clothes; she / we were very lucky that her tuition fees were paid by her grandparents, we paid for her keep and her student loan paid for her 'Uni experience' as the students are discouraged from working; also Cambridge at the time didn't have a Primark so when someone enquired about her outfit she told them that it came from a small local boutique. She made some good friends, had some amazing experiences and left with very happy memories and a very plummy accent that now many years later comes & goes depending on her surroundings. 😄
Re pp ball gowns were just long dresses mainly purchased in Debenhams Blue Cross Sale.

tennesseewhiskey1 · 15/05/2024 18:38

Ummm Bath and Exeter aren’t posh unis…. He will be fine Op.

Keepthosenamesgoing · 15/05/2024 18:40

LaPalmaLlama · 15/05/2024 12:13

Honestly, when I found out Saltburn was supposed to be set in the early 2000’s I almost laughed. The depiction of Oxford was ludicrous ( right down to being allowed to smoke in hall). I went to “the other place” in the 1990s from a state school and it was nothing like that and it’s even less so now. Yes there are some very wealthy students there but for the majority, just because they went to private school doesn’t mean their parents were/ are dishing them loads of cash.Some were pretty skint. Generally people rub along and find common ground/make friends from all different backgrounds.

On Saltburn, tbh I found the Oliver thing super confusing as he was actually basically middle class but made up his deprived background to appear edgy ( never quite clear but…)??

Likewise ! Nearly all my mates were from state schools. All of them were "normal", we spent most of our time eating pasta and tinned tomatoes and trying to work out which alcohol was the best value for £ /% abv!
I did meet a few posh people but no one with a title ans no one seemed to be unfeasibly rich !

Lordofmyflies · 15/05/2024 18:40

One of my Dc is at Exeter. 30% of students are from private education, but that means 70% aren't. Don't limit your child due to your fears - teach them to to take people on their achievements, not that of their parents. It can open their eyes and make them thankful for a solid, family upbringing and a home cooked roast on a Sunday!

Frangipanyoul8r · 15/05/2024 18:43

You’re being absolutely ridiculous, don’t even mention this as a thing to your child. Just tell them to go and enjoy it and meet and mix with lots of different people. Uni isn’t a time to worry about being “posh enough” it’s a time to find your own crowd.

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 15/05/2024 18:51

Saltburn's not a documentary

Calliopespa · 15/05/2024 18:53

Meanwhile I’m terribly worried my posh, privately educated DC will bring home a state school type who will manipulate us all into early graves and dance naked through my house.

It’s just a story OP … and one packed full of stereotypes that didn’t even stack up in the movie, let alone real life.

surreygirl1987 · 15/05/2024 19:03

mindutopia · 15/05/2024 12:05

I think you are projecting too much. Personally, I wouldn't consider Bath or Exeter particularly posh unis (sorry!). I work at one of the more prestigious Russell Group unis (not Oxbridge) and honestly, I wouldn't consider my students to be 'posh' at all. They are really just normal young people from very diverse backgrounds. Yes, they do have more privilege than someone who can't get into uni/can't afford to attend. But it definitely isn't all interrailing and ski holidays and designer clothes. Frankly, I don't think the majority of them went to private school either.

Agreed! The vast majority of students are from state school backgrounds. This differs slightly by course (English Litetature at my Russell Group uni attracted more of the posher private school types for instance) but generally you'll find most have very similar backgrounds to your own kids. I grew up in a poor family and had never been abroad etc but I fit in just fine. My kids now go to private school and actually it's more likely they'll be the odd ones out when they go to uni as a result.

Engaea · 15/05/2024 19:12

Exeter and Bath, seriously?

TheaBrandt · 15/05/2024 19:18

The truly posh go to places like Cirencester Agricultural college or they did in my day!

Atethehalloweenchocs · 15/05/2024 19:18

I went to a very posh uni, highest number of public school kids in the nation, and many were complete twats. Many were perfectly nice and although I was the 'diversity' - ie from a poor area - there were many many people who I could bond with. Certain people never spoke to me though or made fun of me. I would tell them what I thought of them.

iamsoshocked · 15/05/2024 19:21

Oh dear OP.
Is your DC likely to be friends with people who are not very nice to him? Or do you think he will move on and find friends who he enjoys being with?
Maybe you should make sure he has all the skills required to live an independent life and be able to mix with people from all walks of life.

University should be a brilliant time of life.

Anonymouslyposting · 15/05/2024 19:24

I was a state school kid at a posh uni about 15 years ago. It was absolutely fine. I had “normal” state school friends and “posh” private school friends (one of whom I married). Uni is a good time to meet people with different backgrounds, posh and not posh.

Honestly, I met more people from more “normal” backgrounds who wouldn’t hang around with the “posh” kids because they prejudged them than I met posh kids who wouldn’t hang around with “normal” people.

Quiteavibe · 15/05/2024 19:29

https://thetab.com/uk/2023/09/18/these-are-the-universities-with-the-most-private-school-students-2023-329459

Exeter and Bath are in the top ten of highest private school % so it's not an entirely unfounded fear. The majority being 'state school' also hides the fact that many have been to grammar/selective schools in the state system.

All these type of unis (plus Imperia, St Andrews, Oxford and Cambridge) have outreach programmes and will offer contextually to boost their state school numbers and to widen participation, and most will have a range of students.

It's daft though to pretend all unis have the same demographic, they don't.

ticketproblems · 15/05/2024 19:33

Oliver was middle class and an absolute psychopath. He wasn’t ostracised, he was a bloody creeep!!

ThePure · 15/05/2024 19:40

What I found when I went to Cambridge from a comp 20 years ago was that where you went to school didn't massively come up. There was actually quite a lot of reverse snobbery (Jarvis Cocker was onto something with Common People) and all the posh kids were actually trying to hide that they had been to Eton and Harrow.

I had the shock of my life when I visited a few peoples houses in the uni holidays and discovered they were massive and had pillars and tennis courts and stables! This had definitely not been mentioned. We were all more interested in sex, drugs and rock n roll (well grunge or Britpop)

BurntBroccoli · 15/05/2024 20:02

Spirallingdownwards · 15/05/2024 12:08

You do realise that 70% of students at Oxbridge are state educated so are in the majority.

You do realise that Satburn was a fictional account but if we want to go by Saltburn but if we want to use it as fact shouldn't the posh people be more worried about a sociopath, pyschopath state educated Oliver lying to them and infiltrating their family and killing them? 😂

Ha ha yes I thought this!
But seriously OP there will be a vast mix of students, a lot of whom will come from overseas.
My son at uni has made a best mate from Taiwan. They will find their crowd.

Mirabai · 15/05/2024 20:09

Quiteavibe · 15/05/2024 19:29

https://thetab.com/uk/2023/09/18/these-are-the-universities-with-the-most-private-school-students-2023-329459

Exeter and Bath are in the top ten of highest private school % so it's not an entirely unfounded fear. The majority being 'state school' also hides the fact that many have been to grammar/selective schools in the state system.

All these type of unis (plus Imperia, St Andrews, Oxford and Cambridge) have outreach programmes and will offer contextually to boost their state school numbers and to widen participation, and most will have a range of students.

It's daft though to pretend all unis have the same demographic, they don't.

What do state selectives have to do with Saltburn? Anyway, grammars are a tiny % of the state system.

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