Salt burn makes me worry for poor kids at ‘posh’ unis.

[Pippetypoppity]

Im beginning to think certain Universities have much wealthier students on average and a kid from a poorer background would have a hard time perhaps ? Oliver in Saltburn was almost ostracised. Dc is looking at Exeter and Bath as favs. Not going to have any of the spending money, nice things from home the private school kids there will have I’m guessing. Will they have a hard time and be excluded in any way do you think. Horrible to think that as pretty shy and socially awkward anyway 🥹.

Not to mention the experiences and ‘sophistication’ many might have. Really regretting not eating out, travelling, etc etc when they were growing up now. Feel like such an awful parent.

Two different things there op! 😄

Firstly, the Saltburn university scenes were set 20 odd years ago, so won't be fully relevant to now.

As it happens, I was a state school kid in a "posh" university at a similar time, high % of private school kids etc. It was fine. I don't know how it is now really. But, there will always be some people who have more money in any given situation in life. I doubt your ds will go the same way as Oliver did... 🤞

I was a working class kid at a posh university and it was completely fine.

I think the percentage of very well off students ( ie landed gentry, dad owns a helicopter, well known public school) at a lot of top universities is relatively low. I went to a bit of an Oxbridge reject university and although there were quite a few Hooray Henry types I tended to graviate to students with similar middle class, state school backgrounds as myself ( not on purpose but just how it happened) I think a lot of the posh students played down their backgrounds, ie where vague about what school they went to and sort of got found out when they realised that prep or multiple ski holidays weren't part of normal lower middle class or working class life.

I think you are projecting too much. Personally, I wouldn't consider Bath or Exeter particularly posh unis (sorry!). I work at one of the more prestigious Russell Group unis (not Oxbridge) and honestly, I wouldn't consider my students to be 'posh' at all. They are really just normal young people from very diverse backgrounds. Yes, they do have more privilege than someone who can't get into uni/can't afford to attend. But it definitely isn't all interrailing and ski holidays and designer clothes. Frankly, I don't think the majority of them went to private school either.

Ha! It’s a story! Missing from saltburn was the vast swathe of “normal kids” from state / non public private schools who the main character would have got on with fine but that’s not a very exciting film!

Dh went to Cambridge first in his family to stay at school beyond 16. He has the kindest nicest large group of friends from there we still see regularly. The only overt exclusion / grim snobbery was from a minority of alpha type public school boys. That said most of his uni friends went to St Paul’s and they are absolutely lovely.

Universities are big enough that you can find your “group” yes there are the types that spend money like it’s going out of fashion and have the expensive hobbies or clubs but you’re not trapped with them, they can go find what makes them tick.

You do realise that 70% of students at Oxbridge are state educated so are in the majority.

You do realise that Satburn was a fictional account but if we want to go by Saltburn but if we want to use it as fact shouldn't the posh people be more worried about a sociopath, pyschopath state educated Oliver lying to them and infiltrating their family and killing them? 😂

Those sort of people are a tiny tiny minority at every University!!

I’ve never understood why people worry about poor kids being exposed to rich/posh kids.

It was this exposure at my ‘posh’ university that opened my eyes up to a whole new world and spurred me on to pursue a lucrative career and want better for myself. The talk of travel, gap years, living in London etc. made me… move to London, do heaps of travel and take a gap year a bit later in life.

Is it just inverted snobbery / not wanting your children to ditch their roots and aspire for something different?

Saltburn was not a documentary

No, uni is fine and very mixed everywhere now.

The poor kid at private school is often horrid though. DH was the scholarship kid, he wasn’t from a poor family by any means but it’s quite hard when you live in a small cottage and your best mate has 5 homes and a super yacht.

Good points @Usernamen . I even married one of them 😱😆

Bristol in particular has a huge list of state schools which qualify for contextual offers. That should mean the state schools getting more places.

But you will get private school kids everywhere. Most aren't posh. Parents will have been working flat out to afford fees, with little left for posh cars, holidays etc.
The Public schools - Eton, Marlborough etc will probably be much posher - but in overall terms, the numbers are miniscule.

my ds is from an independent school but he won't have cash to flash. I'll be a retired single mum and he'll have to work.

Unis attract all sorts and that's one of the good things about it. Kids get to mix with people totally unlike themselves.
He'll be fine especially if he's doing a degree he's committed to, rather than just for the experience.

For me, the big decision was city based or campus because it has a big impact on lifestyle.

Honestly, when I found out Saltburn was supposed to be set in the early 2000’s I almost laughed. The depiction of Oxford was ludicrous ( right down to being allowed to smoke in hall). I went to “the other place” in the 1990s from a state school and it was nothing like that and it’s even less so now. Yes there are some very wealthy students there but for the majority, just because they went to private school doesn’t mean their parents were/ are dishing them loads of cash.Some were pretty skint. Generally people rub along and find common ground/make friends from all different backgrounds.

On Saltburn, tbh I found the Oliver thing super confusing as he was actually basically middle class but made up his deprived background to appear edgy ( never quite clear but…)??

Saltburn isnt real op.

YABU

Saltburn is fictional - and i think you misunderstood Oliver entirely if you think he was the poor ostracised kid and not someone knowing exactly what he wanted from life no matter how he'd get it.

I went to a Uni that is seen as very posh and am totally fine. All my uni friends were completely normal people. I work there now and most of the students i come across are also completely normal. Your child can get involved with the aspects of university socialising they want to and not do the things that make them uncomfortable. As far as little money goes, they should get a part time job.

It's not a documentary. Your kids will be fine.

@Usernamen Agreed. Why the concern about mixing with 'posh' people?

I'm from a FSM household with an abusive father.
Landing a grammar school place and then a university place meant I mixed with decent educated people for the first time and learned how 'posh' kind normal people live. What to aspire to. What is possible with a bit of work. How to integrate. How life should be.

I went to Durham then Bath. I am Northern, State school and had only been abroad on two school trips. I was fine - most of the friends I made were relatively similar background, or rich but not wankers so all good 😆

Haven’t seen Saltburn, but I’m from the lower reaches of the WC, and had a blast (and got a First) at an Oxford college known from its traditionally large numbers of old Etonians/Harrovians. I saw a different, wider world, got invited to homes (not stately homes) I never believed in in the vacs, and made lifelong friends.

DH went to Oxford from a state comp and had to learn proper table manners when he got there. He learnt fast. It was the making of him and helped rather than hindered his confidence when he started his career.

Open minds are successful minds op. Also there's an important point you seem to have missed. An excellent undergraduate education leading to an excellent degree.

It is the duty of all parents to equip their DC with life skills. So yes, you do need to teach him how to use his irons, save from a central dish, offer others drinks, etc, hold open a door, etc. Notwithstanding all the other skills: cooking, cleaning, kindness, driving, managing a banknaccount, etc.

I turned down an offer for a uni for that reason. I went for the interview and they made a big point of making you stay overnight and being shown round by current students so you understood uni life there and could check it was for you.

It was not for me. I wouldn’t have been able to afford all the balls and gowns you were expected to attend/ buy. I wouldn’t have been able to empty my room every holiday. I would have felt uncomfortable with a cleaner changing my bedding (yes really!) and I got a distinct vibe from the others on tour that let me know I wouldn’t fit in. I had 5 interviews and only that one gave me that vibe.

I went to a different red brick which still had a lot of private schoolers who I was mates with with much more life experience than me but was instantly welcoming and totally different vibe.

Dd ended up at a uni with quite a few private school kids. Whereas she was from state school. There was a bit of comparing notes through curiosity but not judgement. She is friends with a range if people. The difference is she didn’t go on the fancy ski holidays and had to work work whereas her peers didn’t have to work.
A lot will depend on your dc attitude. Will they feel feel different and accept and enjoy the experience anyway rather than feel lesser.