Cheeky school mum

[Kag38xh]

DD and her friend both go to a ballet class after school. Despite talk of us taking turns bringing the kids there, the other mum has now started texting me on the day moaning about how busy work is and whether I can just take her DD with us. It was ok the first few times but now am getting a bit more annoyed about it. Not sure whether am being unreasonable or how to reply next time she texts me. Any advice?

This really shouldn't be hard. Get proactive. Text her now saying, "As ive' done the last 3 weeks, can you take the girls to ballet for the next two?"

If you really can't do that proactively, next time she texts say, "yes, I can do this week but not the next few - can you take DD please".

I don't know other mum that well which probably makes me uncertain about how assert my boundaries.

Just say can we stick to the original agreement please? The agreement was that we would share the driving.

She doesn’t know you well but is having no trouble asserting herself.
Take that as permission to return the same behaviour if it makes you feel better.

"No sorry i can't do that"

No.

Then just take your own kid. job done. I'd have no patience with this but I also wouldn't have made the original arrangement as people are, in my experience, always very keen to take the piss.

She’s got no problem asserting her boundaries with you!

You don’t need to give her explanations. ‘Hey Sarah, letting you know I can’t do lifts for your DD next week!’ ‘hi Sarah, as I’ve done last 3 weeks of ballet can we swop over for next few lessons?’ ‘hi Sarah, won’t be able to collect your DD this week.’

She doesn’t know you well but is having no trouble asserting herself.

This. Man up!

I have a similar set up with my DD and her friend. Sometimes however I do a couple of weeks because the mum has something on and other times she does. The main thing is we share the bulk of it and we’re both grateful to each other.

I’d probably say “yes that works for me because I’m going to struggle for the next 2 weeks so if you could do those”. If she doesn’t play ball just say no next week and be done with it.

I’m not very confrontational either so I would say sure no problem but I take it you have the next y weeks since I’ve done the last x? Thank you so much it’s so helpful to me sharing lifts equally

Bit passive aggressive but I can’t handle CFs

Simple!

this

‘Hey Sarah, letting you know I can’t do lifts for your DD in the next few of weeks!’

or this

‘hi Sarah, won’t be able to collect your DD in the next few weeks.’

'hi Sarah our situation has changed and we won't be able to share lifts any longer.'

If she moans either don't reply or say that she might want to look for lessons on a day when she can take her own dd.

I've been there. You need to be curt and clear and then never ever get into an arrangement again.

OP, how does not knowing her make asserting your boundaries difficult? YOu agreed to take turns. She is asking YOU to do it every time. So just send her a message saying it's her turn now.

I'ms orry to be rude but this passivity is infuriating.

That should be immaterial. Your boundaries should be in place, regardless.

Don't do this. this suggests you don't have an issue with her never taking on her share.

A better selection of options woudl be:

"Hi Sarah. Can you take the girls to ballet this week"
or
"Hi Sarah, I've done the last three weeks so do you want to do the next three consecutively and we can then go back to taking it in turns?|

or if you haven't texted her BEFORE she texts you,

"Sorry Sarah - I assumed you'd be taking the girls this week as I've done the last three and I can't do this one."
or
"Hi Sarah - I think as I've done the last three weeks it would be great if you could do this week rather as I've got work"

"Just letting you know circumstances have changed and I won't be able to participate in the lift sharing arrangement anymore so we will both need to make out own arrangements from now on."

She's got no problem being assertive with you.

If you are unhappy providing lifts you need to pick one of the suggested response on here and send out.

Or carry on giving lifts and being unhappy.

Bright, breezy and polite

"I'd be happy to share lifts. If I take today, please could you take them next week?"

"I'd be happy to share lifts. Shall I take them, and you pick them up at the end of the class?"

If this doesn't work "No, can't take Sarah tonight, sorry". If she asks why not, ignore her

A tip I heard is to imagine you're speaking to a waiter who brought the wrong food over. You'd be polite and friendly, but you'd speak as if you assume that they'll do what you want

Don't let her take advantage

Easy solution.

Dont respond to her messages.

Fuck her.

Her DD is her problem, not yours. Ignore, Ignore, Ignore.

She is a CF and has no trouble asserting herself so you need to be equally assertive.

Don't answer your phone when she calls/messages.
If you do speak with her tell her you can no longer take her DD to/from Ballet. Don't apologise, don't give a reason. Just I can no longer take your DD to/from ballet

I appreciate that I do sound a bit pathetic. Mainly because don't want it to impact DD and her friendships. But also being assertive is not a strong point.

I really need to get better at bright, breezy and polite 🤣

Do you have to wait there or return for them? Could you offer to take them if she picks them up? Otherwise, I agree, she might even have planned this all along.

Just respond not today as if your dd is not going then turn up. She will get the message. If not do it every time.

Depends what you want to happen - does it suit you to have a genuine lift share in place or would you rather just take your own child.

If it’s the former then text her and say you’re happy to share lifts but do need it to be a fairer split so please can she do the next few and then start taking turns.

If you’d rather just back out all together then say ‘I was happy to alternate lifts as a share arrangement but it’s not really panning out that way so probably easier if we just make our own arrangements as I can’t commit to taking X every week I’m afraid’.

If you hardly know her then it makes it really easy. You have so many reply options

1. Ignore the message
2. Sorry no
3. no
4. We are going somewhere else after ballet so no

Why are you scared of upsetting her? She is a CF and best avoided.