Cheeky school mum

[Kag38xh]

DD and her friend both go to a ballet class after school. Despite talk of us taking turns bringing the kids there, the other mum has now started texting me on the day moaning about how busy work is and whether I can just take her DD with us. It was ok the first few times but now am getting a bit more annoyed about it. Not sure whether am being unreasonable or how to reply next time she texts me. Any advice?

Oh sorry, just seen this, which changes things. Yep, she's taking the p and needs to step up

Thank you for all the suggestions. Not heard anything from the other mum regarding this afternoon. So am assuming that I'll just be picking up DD, unless I get a last minute text like last week. Will have a come back reply at the ready if that happens.

Does it take you out of your way? Is it inconvenient?

If not, do it. If it is, say "sorry- can't do it today."Simple

This sounds very similar to another thread a few weeks ago about a mum constantly putting on another to drop/pick up child from an activity.

I once had to collect my daughter from a weekly after school activity and the teacher who was waiting with the child of a mum who regularly asked me to collect her, despite not having to work, asked me was I collecting the child in question, but I briskly replied "no, sorry we have a dentist appointment to get to so not going home yet" and walked off with my child without a back glance. No doubt some other mum got lumbered with having to take her, but it sent a clear message to the mother of the child not to take me for granted, and she didn't ask me again.

I suggest, when she asks, to simply say "it's not convenient", but don't ellaborate on reasons why - she is not close to you and you do not owe her an explanation, especially as she has not done you any favours so far.

I did get another text just before pick up but because it's raining, I just said we're going home for a bit so won't be able to pick up DDs friend today. Hopefully that has put a stop to it.

Of course you did, the cheeky mare. Well done Kag. Hope you're right, but in any case, rather than get in to it with her (she won't want to hear it, and will just try to steamroll you), just do as PPs said and ignore her texts until it's too late or have a vague excuse why you guys have to do your own thing today

Well done!
just remember to not waste words on her.
short and direct answers!

Did the friend go to the class today?

I genuinely don’t get it… if you are picking up your DD anyway, it is a walk to ballet, you anyway waste 2 hours.. why not doing it?
I assume she picks up her DD after ballet as I understand having to bring her back home will make it longer for you, but the rest really does not add any additional effort or time to you. Plus it is a bit of time your DD spends with her friend. my mum used to give lifts to my friends all the time, host them at home, doing dinners and never once she counted how many times she did vs the others. I am the same. If it does not cost me much I just help others.
Why do people only do things when they can have an immediate return? What about community or generosity?!

We ended up missing it today so no idea what happened with DDs friend.

Maybe I am a bit uncharitable. It doesn't take any extra time but I do have to bring extra snacks a d ha e an extra child to look after. It's also because we both work full time and have to juggle work and kids clubs and it makes me feel like the fact that I also work etc is less important than the other mum's.

Oh God OP, don’t fall for this #bekind crap.

100% this poster doesn’t help people as much as she claims she does.

Not uncharitable. Long term IMO these things only work if you are on the same page as the other person - not one giver and one taker. Many people are keen to return any favours they owe, and if you get 2 people like that, cooperating can work really well even if you are not close friends.

But I wouldn't advise any longer term arrangement with someone who is perpetually pushing boundaries.

It is fine to push a bit for some returned favours before you give more. It doesn't have to be antagonistic. She may not like it but she will respect you more for it. Think of Anne in Motherland and decide not to end up like that! No one's even grateful to her.

Well done. As you say you don’t like confrontation, it’s even more important to set your boundaries straight away. Doing that before something becomes a big deal AVOIDS confrontation. It’s not doing so until it becomes a huge thing that cannot be ignored any longer that causes confrontations to happen and they’re always messy. The more you hate them, the more important it is that you address things quickly and firmly.

Well done op. Having boundaries and respecting your own time is not uncharitable. You are not being paid to do everyone else’s donkey work!

Exactly. You are not uncharitable. I used to get told well one more doesn’t matter but it does. You are responsible for the child. It’s different to being with your own child one to one as you have to keep a double check especially as you walk along a road. Let this mum sort out her kid going to activities. It’s not your problem. Use the word no as your first word in any reply to her - no it’s not possible, no I can’t do that .

Save your charitable-ness for actual charities!

You're definitely not uncharitable OP, I’ve been in this situation a few times with different people, and also have a lift arrangement which everyone is happy with, so it does happen with the right people!

If you’d offered to always take because your DD is going anyway, that’s fair enough (I have done this, and a few years ago was taking DS and a friend to a club every Saturday morning, I offered to do it as DS as going anyway). But you hadn’t, it was meant to be reciprocal. Hold your boundary, it’s not even just a lift, it sounds like it’s a short play date too, and as PPs have mentioned the time can be nice and precious time for you and DD to have on your own if it’s every single week.

It is not even helping people! It is just giving a lift to their daughter’s friend!
people that help people or are charitable use their spare time, resources and money to help. They would invest a few hours at a food bank or giving a lift to an old person somewhere they would not have to go (ie for a medical appointment) A very different league.
reading this thread I start understanding why people feel so lonely and they say it is hard to make friends. People who write to ghost the person are particularly ghastly (and rude!)

Haha. What I mean is they should have both done 2. It’s not like the OP has done 10 and the CF mum had done 2. Quite a drama this early in term I’d say