Is my friend using me for childcare?

[Sunshinemama1]

Hi I'm hoping for some advice as this is an issue my ex brought up a lot to me and very recently my mum has also commented which has shocked me.

My best friend and I are very close and have been friends for over 25 years, for the last year as she knows my schedule asks me to have her baby at least one day per week on my day off which I don't mind at all because I have a great relationship with the baby and it's helping her out.

However recently she booked both her babies christening and her wedding and asked other friends in our group to be the babies godmother and the other friend to be her bridesmaid. Im not a part of the wedding ceremony at all and although it's hurt me I understand the pressure and stress of events like this so obviously put my feelings to one side and have done all I can to support her.

The problem is now that it feels like everybody is bringing it up to me and I don't know what to say, asking if we have fell out or if she asked me and I said no or why am I not a part or the worst is her family or other friends assuming I'm both godmother and bridesmaid.

Since my mum has said to me I'm being used because would I drop my child off all day on my friends only day off work when she's a single parent without food, nappies etc and I couldn't imagine her not being part of my special day. This has made me think am I being used. Any advice would be appreciated.

In terms of the wedding there has already been mention of me minding the baby over the wedding because she says childcare is too expensive

WTAF! What did you say to this?

It sounds like she is treating you as staff! The question is what are you prepared to do about it? What days has she asked you to have the baby this week? I would cancel those immediately. What is she doing whilst you have the baby? Is she working? Does she have no childcare in place?

She is treating you like a doormat but you hold all the cards here. Sorry but best friends don’t do this to each other.

@spriots

"a normal person would have offered to reciprocate, would cover your costs, demonstrate their appreciation."

Absolutely!

She can fuck right off.

She is in effect costing you money as well. The last time I looked, nappies were not free! And what is the child being fed? Is that free?

@Sunshinemama1
But of course you're not going to be invited to be god parent or bridesmaid, when you will undoubtedly be given THE most important job on the day, it'll be you that will be looking after the baby! Meaning you'll enjoy the events even less than being bridesmaid/godparent.

Yes she is using you. If that is your only day off do you really want to be minding someone elses baby? What does she do on that day?

If she is your best friend and you have been close for that many years I would think she would have asked you to be either GM or bridesmaid but personally that would not bother me. Assuming I will look after her baby one day a week when that is the only day I have off would definitely bother me. She thinks you are her unpaid CM not a close friend.

Time for the big girl pants ….
If she doesn’t value your friendship beyond free childcare then she was never your friend in the first place

Wow she's a CF!! sounds to me like she has new best friends and you're the unpaid staff

I've had the baby every week since September when my lg started school.

Why does she want you to look after her kid, is she working or does she want a day to herself?

Yep.

She really doesn't see you as a friend. As a PP put it, she sees you as 'staff.'

I wonder what this so called 'friend' describes you as to her friends, family colleagues? I suspect its 'childminder' or 'nanny.'

End it, OP.

Wow, what a CF she is. She’s not a friend at all

OMG have just read your update about possibly having the baby dumped on you for the wedding! Step away right now, as a friend of 25 years you should be at that wedding as an must-have guest and not be the unpaid help!!

OP, please take a huge step back, huge. Be sweet and smile and say "Sorry that doesn't work for me" on repeat. When my mum meets people like this she says "what did their last slave die of?" and she has a point.

CF of the HIGHEST order!!!! She's using you and so unappreciative of all you do for her. DEFINITELY STOP the free childcare. That's outrageous. Your family is right. She is so out of order

You have given her free childcare since last September, you saved her thousands! It’s your day off! Never in a million years would I get saddled with someone else’s child every week.

So you have to buy nappies for her baby when you're looking after her/him for nothing every week? Wow - She sounds awful

How often do you see her? Hang out, go out for a meal, whatever? And does she ever do favours for you/ with your kids?

This is all sounding terrible.

This is shocking.

You sound kind and a nice friend.

You have a day off - you should be using that day off to benefit you or your dd in some way.

Not doing free work for a cheeky bitch who won't even have you as a bridesmaid or godmother. If you have no use for the day off, then it'd be in your interests to increase your working hours so that you have more money for you/your dd. I don't know what you earn per day, but let's call it £100. If you saved that £100 for a year (52 weeks), you would have £5,200 saved for your dd's future. So working for this woman, for free, is costing you big time financially. And that's not even mentioning the free nappies and food you seem to be providing. WTAF.

I would be so unhappy about this - I would not only stop working for her for free, I'd probably scale down the friendship/phase her out. Because why would you be friends with someone who's happy to treat you like this.

If nothing else, at least you now know why you weren't invited to be part of the ceremony at her wedding - you would have been too busy to take part, looking after child on the day.

She really isn't your friend, and she's definitely a CF.

This, a thousand times, this!

I was already shaking my head at the CFuckery…. Then you said she’s expecting you to do childminding at her wedding!! My eyebrows shot skyward at that - Wow!

Say no to the weekly baby minding, and NO to the wedding arrangements. Prepare to lose her as a “friend” …. Then breathe a sigh of relief!

Unbelievable🤷‍♀️

I think you’ve mis-titled this thread. Surely it’s a "friend is a CF” thread. Yes, she’s taking the piss - big time. What you do about it should be considered in that context.

there has already been mention of me minding the baby over the wedding because she says childcare is too expensive

taking you for a mug 100%

She wants to use you for childcare at the wedding! Wow! User. Start saying you’re looking forward to having a few drinks!

This has made me sad, as you are clearly a lovely person OP, and she is a massive user. Yes, you are her unpaid childcare. Fuck that!
Try and detach as best you can, be unavailable, stop giving her your schedule.