Will I throw this one back ... social media activity

[gona]

I'm chatting to a man on WhatsApp. Busy schedules have not all owed us to meet for the last couple of weeks but we have plans for next week to meet up.
Before I meet any date I do my best to find out as much about
then as I can via people and sm.

He is as true as his word regarding his plans and commitments and I can see this via social media.

I have been catfished once and if I had done my research on others I would have saved my self a lot of stress. This is why I do this.

This man has given me no reason to believe he isn't who he says he s but I had a look on his socials.

They are chock full of sports, footie, current affairs reposts. Nothing sinister but there are, out of hundreds of likes, a couple of posts/ photos of curvy women. Nothing very revealing or sexual, just women with large breasts. Possibly three likes photos out of hundreds.
Is this a red flag ? Would you throw him back?
I'm
Out of this scene for a very long time so appreciate your views. Thanks.

How disgusting. Men are such vile creatures. Next thing is he will want to look at your breasts. Throw him back.

So these are ‘regular attractive women with a huge following’. So is it just women following and liking them?

@gona I urge all people to do that esp women I love and care for .

Let's hope none of our partners take your advice and unearth this very long thread ....

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/5036593-what-films-do-you-love-for-the-eye-candy

So you’ve already made up your mind and the “few helpful posts” agreeing with you have cemented that. Why bother posting?

I too was disgusted. Whatever happened to pulling one's skirt up and giving a quick flash of the ankles.

Sorry OP, the reason you're getting a hard time is because you're being ridiculous.

To quote your own post

"They are chock full of sports, footie, current affairs reposts. Nothing sinister but there are, out of hundreds of likes, a couple of posts/ photos of curvy women. Nothing very revealing or sexual, just women with large breasts. Possibly three likes photos out of hundreds."

So out of hundreds of "likes" (again, your words), there are a whole TWO OR THREE of women. Which aren't even sexual / pervy. Just famous women (I'm thinking Salma Hayek, Penelope Cruz, Monica Belluci etc?) with bigger than average boobs who are wearing something fitted (not even revealing?!) and probably look amazing?!?!

I too - as a straight woman in a very happy relationship - often click "like" on photos of men and women I think look good on Instagram (especially when there have been awards, Met Gala etc). A lot of the women are usually in fitted and revealing outfits. I hope someone doesn't trawl through my likes and think I'm a pervert 😐

Give me strength.

I asked as I think it’s quite offensive to assume a man liking a photo of a woman with big breasts automatically means he’s a pervert or sleazy.
Would you have been ok if he’d liked 3 photos of women with smaller breasts? Would he have been a decent man then? Are the size of the breasts the issue?

FFS some women have seriously low standards. This is sleazy, and gross and there's no way I'd meet a man like this tbh. I prefer men who don't view women as objects.

Nothing wrong with looking up dates.

A company hiring you will Google you and check for dodgy activity...and that's a business relationship. This is someone who might be in your life forever, OP. Do all the checks you need to - it's your future.

Exactly 🙌🏼

Well said.. gotta weed out the trash before it can hurt us.

If they could plausibly be friends or have a profile for something other than being good looking then I’d forget it. But personally I do find it tacky to ‘like’ pictures that only exist to be sexy and it would make me cringe to be with someone who did that. I wouldn’t not be friends with someone who did but it would make me view them slightly differently, just as I think gushy relationship posts or oversharing about trivial matters on social media are a bit icky. I don’t see why people are mocking you for having a reaction to that. Maybe it isn’t a red flag for anything extreme but it does reveal something about how he behaves on social media that might affect whether you want to date him.

but you said out of “hundreds of posts” - meaning you’d clicked on hundreds of posts to see if he’d liked!! or you must have been scrolling through his feed for hours

Is it offensive because you are not an attractive busty woman?? Would you rather he "liked" slim a cup munters?

If I i ever find myself single again, I must remember to set up a social media feed that's full of red flags, so that I can filter out the sort of person that goes looking through social media feeds looking for red flags.

No. The offence is in suggesting that any concerns the OP might have about a man's behaviour must be rooted in her insecurity about other women's bodies in relation to her own. Like the only thing a woman could possibly be worried about is whether her tits were big enough to win a man's approval. Says a great deal about that posters own priorities.

Generally I’d assume if a woman was trawling through a man’s social media to this extent before she even meets him and then takes issue with 3 photos of attractive women who are not glamour/porn as they have a bit of cleavage visible and it’s an issue they’ve large busts , then I’d assume yes there is an insecurity issue at play.

I really couldn’t give a shit about 3 photos of mainstream women in amongst hundreds of posts about other mundane shit. Most women wouldn’t. The op has a major major issue with it.

thay for me is about her, not him.

I think it's perfectly fine to do a little research on someone you're about to meet for the first time who you don't know in the real world. I found out a guy I'd been on one date with was engaged by doing this. So I don't think op is unreasonable for wanting to make sure she's not wasting her time on a creep/ someone who's lying to her.

Personally op that would give me the ick but I'd allow for accidental clicks. So I would probably do the date but tread a little cautiously going forward until you see who he actually is.

Well you really shouldn't. Because 'you're jealous and insecure' has been trotted out by men to turn the tables on women who take exception to their behaviour since Adam was a lad. The only surprise to me is that they're still saying it and women in this day and age are still parroting it for them.
Personally I wouldn't see this particular situation as an issue either. But I'd certainly see leching over women as an issue, and I can assure you it wouldn't be anything to do with insecurity; and there's no reason to see the OPs concerns as being anything to do with the size of her breasts.

I think this sums it up for me, a guy openly online using other women's images to get his kicks is creepy and shows he's no problem objectifying women. Which means that he wouldn't share my values and therefore we'd be incompatible. It's not about ops insecurities, it's about respect for women in general and op is allowed to decide where that line is for her.

It was 3 mainstream women!

I think the fact OP wrote "curvy" and "big breasts" is very much the issue. Some posters seem to have got very hot under the collar and have leapt to conclusions IMO accusing him of being a 'perv', creepy, trawling the internet for images to have a w*nk over, etc. He may be all those things, but personally I don't think there is any evidence to necessarily think he is. If OP had left those words out, then I don't think posters would have reacted so strongly. I think posters would then be asking what it was about these women in ordinary photos that made her uncomfortable

I think OP is sensible to have a quick skim of his SM. If 2-3 likes of women, not wearing anything too revealing or looking sexual, in his entire SM history makes her uncomfortable, then she probably shouldn't proceed. She asked if this was a red flag and personally I don't think it is. He may have 'liked' them because he fancied them, so what? He is a single man

People (men and women) objectify other people every day especially on SM and always have done. In our culture, rightly or wrongly, it is pretty much encouraged and seen as normal.

I'm assuming you're female? If so, I can understand your post...if you're male, I don't.

^because women choose the bear, are more likely to be victims, murdered, raped etc etc

I'm a man.

I'm not convinced that 'liking' a non sexualised image of a woman has much of a correlation with rape and murder. 🙄

If it keeps those women, that spend hours trawling through social media looking for red flags, at arms length, I'll have to make sure that's a feature of my socials.

@ThisOldThang - your second paragraph, I wasn't quoting

If it keeps those women, that spend hours trawling through social media looking for red flags, at arms length, I'll have to make sure that's a feature of my socials

I truly don't blame you.