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AIBU?

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Original poster

Will I throw this one back ... social media activity

179 replies

gona · 15/05/2024 07:42

I'm chatting to a man on WhatsApp. Busy schedules have not all owed us to meet for the last couple of weeks but we have plans for next week to meet up.
Before I meet any date I do my best to find out as much about
then as I can via people and sm.

He is as true as his word regarding his plans and commitments and I can see this via social media.

I have been catfished once and if I had done my research on others I would have saved my self a lot of stress. This is why I do this.

This man has given me no reason to believe he isn't who he says he s but I had a look on his socials.

They are chock full of sports, footie, current affairs reposts. Nothing sinister but there are, out of hundreds of likes, a couple of posts/ photos of curvy women. Nothing very revealing or sexual, just women with large breasts. Possibly three likes photos out of hundreds.
Is this a red flag ? Would you throw him back?
I'm
Out of this scene for a very long time so appreciate your views. Thanks.

OP posts:
ForAPicnic · 15/05/2024 08:12

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Original poster
gona · 15/05/2024 08:15

It twitter.
I have no shame in looking up potential dates so your insults wash over me. These are public accounts look into.

I am in Ireland and the last man I chatted to had one post after another about republicans / IRA etc..
Other have x rated videos liked continuously.
These are not the men for me. I rather find out early what I'm dealing with so don't waste my time or not , as the case may be
An easy decision to block them there and then .
His few are of attractive busty women.

OP posts:
BippityBopper · 15/05/2024 08:15

FGS, OP has looked at his PUBLIC social media account. Many people do it and I think it's a perfectly acceptable way to screen a potential love interest.

OP, I really wouldn't see him liking a few pics of women as a red flag. Go for it.

mrsdineen2 · 15/05/2024 08:16

gona · 15/05/2024 08:15

It twitter.
I have no shame in looking up potential dates so your insults wash over me. These are public accounts look into.

I am in Ireland and the last man I chatted to had one post after another about republicans / IRA etc..
Other have x rated videos liked continuously.
These are not the men for me. I rather find out early what I'm dealing with so don't waste my time or not , as the case may be
An easy decision to block them there and then .
His few are of attractive busty women.

Entirely your perogative, and I wouldn't be keen on those men either. It's a good idea. But you did lie in your opening post about why you look.

Original poster
gona · 15/05/2024 08:26

How did I lie ?

OP posts:
Beezknees · 15/05/2024 08:30

GrumpyOldCrone · 15/05/2024 08:01

It’s normal male online behaviour, and therefore I’d avoid him. I’m so bored of men who think that just because everyone does it, it must be ok.

Agree. I just find it all sleazy. Wouldn't be interested in a man who does it. I don't do it either personally, it's not a side of social media that interests me.

Newnamehiwhodis · 15/05/2024 08:32

gona · 15/05/2024 08:01

I'm the red flag because I want to see if I'm wasting my time with a sleaze/ creep/ weirdo / catfish before I meet him??
His is a public account.
But ok .

Nah. You’re fine. I’d do it too- there are things in life that teach a woman to be wary.
don’t pay attention to mumsnet bullies. They’re getting worse lately …

I’d still meet him. It’s a bit corny and naive of him to “like” public posts of big breasty photos - most adults know one can enjoy a photo without needing to click anything, and internet behavior like that is going to show up everywhere -

but at the same time, depending on what you’re looking for, I’d be VERY choosy and discerning. But that’s just me. Men who spend time posting sports and liking boobs are too tediously caveman for me.

mrsdineen2 · 15/05/2024 08:35

gona · 15/05/2024 08:26

How did I lie ?

"I have been catfished once and if I had done my research on others I would have saved my self a lot of stress. This is why I do this."

You do it to vet them. And I'm on your side. I'm not opposed to men discreetly looking at this things, but cringey social media use, and the idea of our mutual friends seeing him interacting with these things, is one of my biggest turn offs.

You're 100% right to do the checks you do btw. You just didn't have to be coy about doing so.

Shoxfordian · 15/05/2024 08:36

I don't think that's a red flag really but it's up to you

If he found out you've been stalking him then that's more of a red flag on you than him.

JJathome · 15/05/2024 08:40

I have no issue with a single straight man liking women with large breasts, and do not see it as a red flag personally.

howver you do, so likely incompatible, so yes, don’t proceed further, explain you don’t like straight men who like breasts and you trawled his social media.

DoreenonTill8 · 15/05/2024 08:41

Are they photos precisely of big boobs alone, or of women who happen to have big boobs?

NecessaryNC24 · 15/05/2024 08:41

SocksAndTheCity · 15/05/2024 07:45

Heterosexual man likes tits shocker.

🤣

mrsdineen2 · 15/05/2024 08:42

JJathome · 15/05/2024 08:40

I have no issue with a single straight man liking women with large breasts, and do not see it as a red flag personally.

howver you do, so likely incompatible, so yes, don’t proceed further, explain you don’t like straight men who like breasts and you trawled his social media.

Liking as in enjoying? Agreed, not an issue.

Liking as in publically interacting with and signalling their enjoyment of these pictures and accounts to the family and friends? Come, it's tacky, disrespectful and frankly unintelligent.

Crikeyalmighty · 15/05/2024 08:43

Just to mention on Twitter, these semi pornographic women go around 'liking' everyone's posts and comments --including mine!! Isreal problem with Twitter at the moment- he sounds nice-,ignore these - you can't do anything about it - it's nothing he is doing

Changingplace · 15/05/2024 08:43

gona · 15/05/2024 08:15

It twitter.
I have no shame in looking up potential dates so your insults wash over me. These are public accounts look into.

I am in Ireland and the last man I chatted to had one post after another about republicans / IRA etc..
Other have x rated videos liked continuously.
These are not the men for me. I rather find out early what I'm dealing with so don't waste my time or not , as the case may be
An easy decision to block them there and then .
His few are of attractive busty women.

I agree those things would be a no for me but I don’t think liking a few pics of attractive women is in the same league.

I would focus on meeting face to face now rather than going through any more social media.

Mothership4two · 15/05/2024 08:43

I'm assuming they were 2-3 photos of ordinary women who also happen to have large busts? I'm not sure what is sleazy about that? Maybe I'm missing something? 2/3 out of hundreds, so less than 1%.

Women wear padded bras, chicken fillets and have boob jobs because having larger breasts is seen as attractive in our society. His 'type' could be/probably is bigish boobs. Lots of people (men and women) have a 'type' or something physical they find particularly attractive whether it's hair colour, pecs, bum or body-shape. It doesn't necessarily mean they are two-dimensional and only view others as objects.

EmilyTjP · 15/05/2024 08:46

Is the issue you have small breasts so feel insecure?

randomchap · 15/05/2024 09:00

Could they just be pictures of his friends that he's liked? I've liked quite a few of my friend's photos, it wouldn't occur to me that this is a potential red flag

Disturbia81 · 15/05/2024 09:07

fourelementary · 15/05/2024 07:45

As a single man why would “liking” a photo of an attractive woman be a red flag?

Men really don't get it do they.. 😂

OP this is how I weed people out too but on Facebook, just look at the stuff they like.
Sleaze is in the top 3 red flags for me

mrsdineen2 · 15/05/2024 09:08

I'm not going to repeat it via a quote, but that was a particularly nasty post, @EmilyTjP

KiwiOtter · 15/05/2024 09:14

Some weird replies on here.

YANBU to do your homework before going any further, and what he puts on social media is open for anyone to see.

I find men who trawl the internet looking at photos of women to like and jerk off to a bit sleazy and pathetic personally.

mrsdineen2 · 15/05/2024 09:22

KiwiOtter · 15/05/2024 09:14

Some weird replies on here.

YANBU to do your homework before going any further, and what he puts on social media is open for anyone to see.

I find men who trawl the internet looking at photos of women to like and jerk off to a bit sleazy and pathetic personally.

Edited

I've been vocal about my distaste for publically interacting with these accounts, but it's not early 2000s any more, you don't have to "trawl". When the social media algorithms work out a straight male is viewing, they serve them up on a plate.

WingsofRain · 15/05/2024 09:26

I’d definitely not want to go out with anyone who likes football enough to post about it on social media!

Original poster
gona · 15/05/2024 09:29

Funnily enough , it was the the many posts on mn that made me think to check socials to get a feel for what type of men I may be dating.
I had read countless posts from women about being three/ five dates in and these dates were suggesting all sorts that the women were not happy with . Or they had been expressing specific political, cultural, misogynistic/ religious views that the women found abhorrent .

Checking their socials will normally give a good indication of peoples interests, leanings etc but only after these dates, did the women see this.

I think it's actually a great idea to do some digging and I always encourage my adult children to do the same although in Ireland, you're normally one phone call away from information .

I broke up with an ex when I found that he had liked and hearted every single match/ date he had made on the dating sites despite telling me that he had no time for ex anything . Past is past 🙄🙄🙄🙄

OP posts:
Mothership4two · 15/05/2024 09:36

@KiwiOtter

I find men who trawl the internet looking at photos of women to like and jerk off to a bit sleazy and pathetic personally.

That's a leap as that doesn't sound like what he is doing. He's liked a tiny percentage of curvy women on his feed (who he may know). OP stated that there was nothing very revealing or sexual about the photos - so ordinary photos of women that happen to be curvy. If these photos are just normal women, which seems to be the case from what OP has said, then I think this is being blown out of proportion.

As a curvy woman myself, it didn't occur to me that people liking my photos or people viewing those likes would think there was anything seedy about it.