to turn supermarket delivery away when they ring on my door bell two hours early?

[BasilParsley]

Sort(ish) question: If the supermarket delivery driver turns up at 9am rather than 11am because he's delivering across the road anyway (with no phone call to ask if I could accept an early delivery which is usual) would I be unreasonable to tell him to go away and come back later?

(Long background) It's played on my mind all week so could do with some advice please.

There is a v. small care home opposite my house that also gets the same supermarket to deliver, generally on the same day, but at different times (sometimes around the same time, sometimes earlier, sometimes later).

The reason I order a slot later in the morning is that I have a reasonably severe disability that means it takes me a while to get going in the morning e.g. the ablutions and the getting dressed, breakfasting etc.

Due to the fact that my disability makes me more prone to infections like covid and it takes a lot longer for me put stuff away , I always ask the driver to unload the crates into bags I supply in my porch. I then take my time, decanting those bags into the kitchen cupboards/fridge/freezer etc.

Driver last week clearly had a 9am-ish delivery at the home across the road so rang on my doorbell around that time. I was still in my dressing gown (and wrapped in a towel underneath because I was drip-drying having not long got out of the bath).

I told him he was too early but maybe he could give me five minutes to get dressed then I can accept the delivery. He said yes I'm early, but I've just delivered over the road so if you get your bags, I'll put your order in them and put them in the porch so I won't need to come back.

I felt so coerced (and still bleary-eyed and getting to grips with the day), I went and hid in my skanky dressing gown in the living room for a bit until I heard him call from the porch that it was all done. Got to the porch and the outer porch door is wide open and the bags are all preventing it from being closed.

So I had to deal with it then and there until I was able to close the outer door which left me in a bit of a state for while.

What would you have done?

Again, why does that stop her from not answering the door or just saying no to the driver?

Did you read what the poster said or just decide to ask questions like a toddler?

For two hours before your slot they should really ring to let you know, otherwise it starts to defeat the convenience if you are not there/not ready/asleep!

I had one very polite Sainsbury's driver ring me and it was only 15 minutes before my slot. Another one just turned up half an hour early which is not normally a problem except that I just wanted to have a quiet cup of tea and sort out the fridge before the new stuff arrived.

But two hours early on a Saturday wouldn't be on, particularly as our slot is normally 8.30am.

I agree this is a bizarre post , but no-one is infantilising disabled people as far as l can see. They’re defending OP to posters overlooking the fact that disability is a factor in the situation. OP did answer the door and on reflection is wondering whether she would have been unreasonable not to, given that she then had to deal with the groceries before she was up to it, and asked others what they would have done in that situation. Maybe it was the wrong way to phrase it because it’s clearly difficult for anyone without a disability to fully appreciate the difficulties involved.

I understand the reasons this has upset the OP but surely no one thinks the delivery driver was unreasonable to knock and see if he could deliver the food early.

Do what suits you. You’re also a paying customer.. the supermarket can afford the extra fuel to come back to you.

It doesn’t. Sorry, l misread and thought you asked why it would stop her from answering the door. I think OP’s question as to what others would have done in that situation is difficult to answer - if you’re not disabled, it’s not the same situation. Given that OP subsequently had difficulties getting the shopping inside, l think it would have been wiser not to answer the door and let him come back.

I have a note on the delivery instructions saying do not attempt to deliver before 8am, after my 9-10am delivery came at 5:30am once.

If you don’t want to take the shopping, and don’t want to say no to the driver, you could always amend your time slot to an afternoon delivery…

Generally speaking, I try to be as accommodating as I can be with stuff like this. If a small inconvenience to me means that a delivery driver can sneak in a coffee or finish early then that will give me some satisfaction. We're all cookies in the cookie jar, and if I can make someone's life a bit easier with minimal effort I will, and maybe naively hope karma will return the favour.

But your circumstances OP mean that it isn't just a small inconvenience. Your disability means that you follow a specific routine that you know will get the best out of yourself, so I don't think you'd be unreasonable to refuse this in the future.

You're not being difficult for the sake of it or because you don't want to interrupt your morning coffee, which would still be your right given you've booked a slot, although I don't subscribe to this attitude.

If it happens again, politely decline explaining your reasons. I'm sure it won't be a problem.

No, but if he knew OP was disabled he shouldn’t have insisted that she get the bags so he could leave it in the porch as it meant she had to deal with it before she was ready. OP would be well advised to make sure there’s a note on her account that she/s disabled and they need to stick to agreed times.

That was my favourite part of this thread ❤️

Well yes actually, I do.

If I order groceries from Tesco to be delivered between 10-12,I'd be beyond bemused if they turned up at 8am without even a courtesy call in advance to ask if that was ok.

Most people book a slot for a particular reason and putting shopping away usually takes me about 10-15 minutes, so I schedule it for a time with no meetings or dog not due a walk.

Anything up to say 30 minutes early I would view as a minor change, but more than that is a whole different time slot.

I'd also like to point out that if you're paying for each delivery rather than having a monthly saver thing, it costs more to get a specific slot than it would opting for either morning, afternoon or evening, therefore OP is not getting the service she is paying for.

Yes we do - declining delivery from someone standing on your door step is more difficult if you are anxious than if they call ahead (which is what they are supposed to do).

He turned up in person precisely because it makes it more difficult to decline than on the phone - it was in fact not ‘sensible’ but a passive aggressive move, especially when her delivery details would have indicated it was a woman he was delivering to, likely alone/single. It was a breach of the rules and distressed a vulnerable woman.

He didn’t do it to make her day easier, he did it to save himself driving to another delivery or two and then driving back again - ie so that his working day would finish sooner. She booked a specific slot, the company accepted it. He was out of order.

I'm guessing you don't have the same disabilities as OP though...

He didn't phone because he was across the road so said he'd knock, like people used to. You answered. If you were unable to answer you wouldn't have answered. I have ignored people knocking at my door if I'm not expecting someone and it's not a good time. If you didn't want it then you could have said no to him after you answered.

You can put a note to say early deliveries will not be accepted. But I do think in this case he was trying to save himself time and diesel since he was by your house already.

I've had a few both early and late deliveries - have had a call though, but I live on a farm so if they are at the neighbours they are prob still over a mile away, not as easy to just check and see if I am in

I wouldn't worry about wearing the dressing robe. I answered the door post EMCS with a PICO machine on me, a tiny baby in my arms and possibly a boob hanging out. They see it all.

Ocado kept delivering our stuff up to an hour early and it drove me insane.

The annoying fucker would unload all the bags onto the doorstep before he rang the bell so I didn't even really have the option to ask him to come back later.

These are both things we have complained to Ocado about successfully (took a few goes round which it shouldn't have but they were eventually very apologetic). It shouldn't require it but complain complain complain and put NO EARLY DELIVERIES & DO NOT UNLOAD VAN UNTIL WE ANSWER in the delivery instructions too (and if they don't read them...).

They're not supposed to pre-unload either, especially if it's raining. Your driver's gone rogue.

You could also try putting a big sign on the door the night before "Ocado driver, DO NOT deliver early and DO NOT unload van before I answer" if they don't take notice of that, well, it's another complaint - they do seem to take complaints more seriously than another supermarket we've stopped using. Eventually.

I wouldn't worry about wearing the dressing robe. I answered the door post EMCS with a PICO machine on me, a tiny baby in my arms and possibly a boob hanging out. They see it all.

They do, it's true, and it's good advice. But it's still up to her what state of undress etc. she wants to personally share with the world, and I don't think she wants to be woken up early by an annoying delivery driver who isn't doing his job properly either. OP you have right on your side, make a formal complaint as well as doing the annotations.

and that she was struggling because of her disability

Missed this bit. Ocado do take disability issues seriously (as they should) so do stress that this is a disability-related complaint OP. This was part of ours also.

Tell them they need to phone first. I'm also disabled OP so I use a foldable crate. Much easier to get in to the kitchen. Obviously it depends on your hall / front door set up.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Rolling-Crate/s?k=Rolling+Crate

I disagree that the OP should complain. He asked if he could deliver early as he happened to be outside and she said yes. Nothing unreasonable in that.

OP I do think you should contact them and ask for a note on file that you are unable to accept early deliveries as this is likely to happen again if you have observed that the care home often have a delivery on the same day as you. But please stop worrying about it for now and don't be distressed.

We have just had an Asda driver try to deliver 2 hours early. We were out so he rang my mobile and was cross that I wasn't there.

Yeah. This..

Exactly. Every simple thing, like climbing stairs to making a cup of tea requires huge effort. It’s draining and it’s constant. Something simple can cause a set back which can last for days.

Possibly we’re a bit more ‘precious’ when we have a severe disability which means we’re not at our best mobility wise earlier in the day, which is why we order for later in the day. Did you miss that bit, or are you just blithely agreeing with a poster who is displaying breathtaking ignorance by comparing herself, chasing escaped sheep around, to someone disabled and clearly with mobility issues.

Completely missing the point that this is a shared doorway and meant that OP would have to deal with the bags before she was physically ready - which is why she booked a later delivery slot.