to turn supermarket delivery away when they ring on my door bell two hours early?

[BasilParsley]

Sort(ish) question: If the supermarket delivery driver turns up at 9am rather than 11am because he's delivering across the road anyway (with no phone call to ask if I could accept an early delivery which is usual) would I be unreasonable to tell him to go away and come back later?

(Long background) It's played on my mind all week so could do with some advice please.

There is a v. small care home opposite my house that also gets the same supermarket to deliver, generally on the same day, but at different times (sometimes around the same time, sometimes earlier, sometimes later).

The reason I order a slot later in the morning is that I have a reasonably severe disability that means it takes me a while to get going in the morning e.g. the ablutions and the getting dressed, breakfasting etc.

Due to the fact that my disability makes me more prone to infections like covid and it takes a lot longer for me put stuff away , I always ask the driver to unload the crates into bags I supply in my porch. I then take my time, decanting those bags into the kitchen cupboards/fridge/freezer etc.

Driver last week clearly had a 9am-ish delivery at the home across the road so rang on my doorbell around that time. I was still in my dressing gown (and wrapped in a towel underneath because I was drip-drying having not long got out of the bath).

I told him he was too early but maybe he could give me five minutes to get dressed then I can accept the delivery. He said yes I'm early, but I've just delivered over the road so if you get your bags, I'll put your order in them and put them in the porch so I won't need to come back.

I felt so coerced (and still bleary-eyed and getting to grips with the day), I went and hid in my skanky dressing gown in the living room for a bit until I heard him call from the porch that it was all done. Got to the porch and the outer porch door is wide open and the bags are all preventing it from being closed.

So I had to deal with it then and there until I was able to close the outer door which left me in a bit of a state for while.

What would you have done?

@BasilParsley

It sounds like the current delivery provider is not working for you.

Morrisons always phone me if they’re early, even if it’s just 15 minutes. They also deliver in carrier bags - but you can hand last week’s bags back to them - so it’s still eco, but none of this fannying around passing bags for the driver to pack. Sounds like it might suit you better.

You get that OP is disabled, right ? Are you this unpleasant in real life or is this just your online persona ?

Because it's not her door, it's a shared door

You forgot ‘Don’t have the temerity to be disabled and to expect that your chosen delivery time will be adhered to without you explaining every little detail as to why you specifically asked for that time’ !!

The driver was trying to save the planet some fuel usage so was fine to ask you, in my opinion.
It was unfortunate that the bags got stuck against the door.

You had the option of saying NO.

You, now with hindsight, will know that if you put your bags out earlier or the night before; if the driver phones to give you an option of earlier delivery you will be able to say YES without problems.

If you need a very small delivery window, ask the supermarket to put a note against your order.

My my, living up to our username aren’t we ?

I personally completely understand how you feel and felt at the time. I don't have a physical health condition but I do suffer from severe anxiety and this sort of situation would have set me off too.
The reason I book a delivery slot is to avoid the shops (anxiety) and I never answer the door unless I'm expecting something that day (anxiety) and knowing I'm expecting a delivery in 2 hours I also would have answered on the off chance they had arrived early because I over think everything (anxiety).
I would have felt very uncomfortable in my dressing gown also and very put out.
I wouldn't have turned him away though because I'd have felt uncomfortable and rude doing that (anxiety).

So if I were you I'd leave a note on my account stating I don't accept early deliveries due to chronic illness and for this boundary to please be respected.
You can also complain to the store but I personally wouldn't in this instance, maybe if it happens again though.

Take care of yourself

This feels like a lot of angst for such a simple thing. I suspect nearly everyone would be happy to accept their delivery early or would simply not answer the door and I suspect there might be a few people who might answer the door and refuse the delivery. However I think the number of people who would open the door, accept the delivery and then be so mad about it that they've had to write a Mumsnet thread about it is extremely small.

It's such a non issue. The delivery guy was being sensible to ask.

If the supermarket wants to reduce petrol used, then they need to offer longer slots only. OP shouldn't need to say that she expects her shopping to be delivered between 10-11 for example rather than 8am if that's the slot she has already chosen.

Maybe the supermarket needs to change their labelling "Dear customer no matter what slot you pick, we know best so you'll get your shopping when it's most convenient to us. Think of the polar bears !".

Did you read that the OP has a chronic health condition?

What difference does that make? I have every sympathy for people suffering from chronic health conditions but why would that stop her from simply not answering the door?

The word ‘disabled’ mean anything to you ? OP wasn’t ‘mad’ about it. She just wanted an opinion as to whether she would have been unreasonable to say no in light of the fact that an early delivery is difficult for her because of her condition. And she’s had some good advice. From some.

Possibly because she had just got out of the bath and was wrapped in a towel and bath robe. Body image is an issue for lots of people with disabilities and may have been so for OP. Sympathy is one thing, understanding is another.

YANBU. Completely understand why he asked, but it should have been just a phone call without pressuring you. I think you should ring up and complain.

I bet if you'd asserted you were in a work meeting, or dashing out somewhere important, he'd not have insisted. Not saying it's your fault for not doing this! You shouldn't have to to be listened to.

Did you miss the part where she stated she was only wearing a towel and has a disability… and was alone with a man on the door step while she was thus vulnerable?

I know LOTS of women for whom this unexpectedly early delivery would have been a huge problem: they may be alone and anxious; they may be in the middle of feeding kids; they may be elderly and planned to have someone with them to help; they may be wfh and be on a scheduled work call; they may be about to go on a video call with their GP; they may have been colouring their hair!

They are supposed to call ahead (which he could have done on his way to the neighbour) and ask if they can deliver early. I’ve had drivers call me in exactly the same circumstances - and because it’s meant I’ve had 30-60mins notice, I’ve been happy to take delivery if I’m not tied up or still out on the school run.

OP should complain and, as another PP has mentioned, update the account to show she has a disability. (Mine was update during Covid to reflect having children with SEN, so there is scope to do this).

Fair point. Though I am am disabled and currently sitting here in a dressing gown.

No not acceptable....and pp saying how to get over it they had to answer the door with wet hair are also not acceptable.
You have a disability, and the pp keep ignoring that really important part.

Clearly this driver knew what he was doing, he could have easily made the other delivery 2 hours late, but I'm guessing he decided the talking to he would have got would be a lot more, than sacrificing you.

I would complain, and actually ask how small the deliveries had to be, for the van to have enough room in it to have 3 hours worth of ppls orders....I'd ask if any other customers received their orders 2 hrs early, or if it was just you....

I was struggling with mobility and breathing at that time of the morning due to a chronic health condition. Which is why I always order for late in the morning

Yes, sorry. Will ask to have it taken down. Not sure how I do that.

Thinking of The Good Life when Margot turned away the Christmas delivery from Harrods.

Some absolutely horrible responses on this thread.

OP YANBU. Don’t feel pressured to do more than you can manage. The man needs to be patient and accept that sometimes his job will be frustrating like this.

It should be obvious to anyone that many ill and disabled people will be using home delivery and he needs to be much more considerate.

YANBU. If it happens again just say its not convenient, that you order in that timeslot for a reason.

he will have to bring it back during the right timeslot. You will get your shopping.

Ring Tesco if you have any doubts and they can reassure you of their policy.

It was a driver who told me they aren't allowed to deliver early , although some will ring and ask.

I have told them that I don't mind if I am here as I WFH and don't schedule any appointments on a Thursday morning due to the delivery, but if I order it for 6pm because I am out until then, and they come early then they just have to wait.

What an absolutely bizarre post. Of course the vans are large enough for several deliveries. And of course he's not just going to arbitrarily decide to deliver someone's order 2 hours late.

He happened to be outside the OP's house so offered the opportunity of an early delivery. Absolutely sensible. All the OP had to do was say no thank you. Or not answer the door.

I fully appreciate that the OP is disabled. But it's not helpful to infantilise disabled people, or women generally,, which too many people on here are doing.

Yes, so why just not answer the door? Or say no to the driver?