Advice - school run sick husband

[Blueberryancakes]

Need some advice please.

I start work at 8am.

Husband works from home so will do the school run just before he starts work.

He’s been sick in the night and feels dreadful. I’ve been up half the night with him. He can’t do the school run.

I’ve got no one to ask to do it.

Im going to have to call my boss and tell him I’ve got to do the school run so won’t be in until 9:30am.

Im panicking I’m going to be in trouble for being late. Can my boss refuse me coming in late?

I wasn't having a pop at you. I was simply trying to get across this is sexism. No need for swearing...

@ChronicOnVodkaAndTonic

No, you said others weren’t as lucky as me. Lucky how? Being a single parent? Being too unwell to move? Doing the best I could to keep the kids fed and then getting slated for it on here?

How were others not as lucky as me? How is this man, with a partner to pick up the slack and take care of everyone during his illness, not as lucky as me?

Please do explain what the hell you are on about.

@CaravaggiosCat I probably would. They have female only cabs round here so I might use one of them. I would have a tracker on. Maybe talk to her while she's in the cab. I get taxis, my friends get taxis. I know there are risks but it feels mild for a one off trip to school in the morning.

Glad you got things sorted op, but you need to take this as a wake up call that you need back up plans in place. You have been very lucky to have reached year 4 without this situation arising before. It is highly likely to happen again.

Join the WhatsApp. Get to know more of the other parents. Identify someone nice, who lives nearby, and ask if they’d like a mutual agreement to help each other out with school runs in this kind of emergency. That’s what I had to do when I moved to a village and had no support network. There are always other people in the same situation.

I only needed to ask her directly once or twice I think - it didn’t take long to get to know so many parents that all it took was a quick SOS on the class WhatsApp and there’d be several offers of help.

Willmafrockfit · Today 05:37
**
“man flu”

FFS. Men get ill too.

No, it isn't sexism because the posters saying the DH should just get on with it say the same to ill women on here. There was one 'man flu' comment, but apart from that it's the unsympathetic people who come on here to berate anyone ill for not carrying on as normal or for daring to take up NHS resources by going to hospital when at death's door. It happens all the time and it's not a gendered thing or an example of double standards. Also, most of the comments on this thread tell the OP to ring work or seek other help, not make her husband do it so it's hardly 'Mumsnet double standards', it's a few martyrs who lack empathy and they appear on every thread whether it's about a man or woman.

It’s like perfect mothers who can run a marathon 2 days after giving birth, whilst breastfeeding baby and toddler, doing all night wake ups and cooking all meals from scratch, leaving baby after 4 days to go to an important work conference abroad, they have very little understanding how other mothers may not be so ‘perfect’ and struggle. You need to filter those responses out

But having a back up plan going forward is the best move

She wasn’t having a go, it was just worded weirdly. You are lucky you aren’t immunocompromised was the point.

You were saying MN doesn’t have double standards because you were attacked the same as the OP’s DH. She’s saying it’s still sexism assuming “man flu” when some posters did the school run with “flu” but assume this DH is being pathetic when possibly he has it far worse.

Her comment wasn’t really about you.

Or, he's actually, you know, ill...

No, she very clearly said that others aren’t as lucky as me. How?

Can you take Force Majeur Leave? It is Leave you can take at last minute to care for someone when there is no one else available? It's available in public service, schools banks etc.

Does your nine year old have a mobile then?

DH sounds very ill and no way should attempt the school run. He could actually collapse in the street which would leave the DC very vulnerable. This happened to my DF who was trying to take my 5 yo DB to the dentist when feeling very unwell. DB had to run home and call an ambulance. Very traumatic for him.

To all those saying, oh I've done the school run with flu, I would bet good money you actually had a bad cold not the actual influenza virus which makes you very ill and can kill.

OP, if you have never before had to be late due to childcare issues your employers are very lucky and really shouldn't give you a hard time about this. Someone else will need to fill in on this occasion. These things happen and your bosses should have a backup procedure for such eventualities. As others have said, you are legally entitled to emergency unpaid time off to deal with childcare issues. Only if it became a regular occurrence would they have the right to threaten any consequences.

It will be good for your work to have to manage without you for once. It will teach them that they need to have an emergency plan.
Of course you should expect a helpful and respectful response from your boss.
Give as much notice as you can; phone as early as you can.

What would DH do if he was alone? Well basically the DC would just have to be kept at home for the day and be very poorly supervised as DH is too ill. That's the stark reality. I think a lot of posters who think he can just suck it up and get on with it just haven't been this ill.

However, getting DC to school is more important than her employer being slightly inconvenienced for the first time in nine years so I would say she should ring them and let them know.

Exactly!

1st time online years that you need to arrive late and you're worrying? It doesn't sound like you have a good working environment @Blueberryancakes

Call your boss explain the situation offer 1 of 2 things - late arrival or day off - carers responsibilities are in law now employers need to be more flexible. I'd also warn it could be the same for a few days...

I definitely agree with this. I do understand not wanting to be in a WhatsApp group as they are a PITA but maybe get some of your child's friends' parents' numbers privately. You always need a plan B when it comes to childcare or pet care for emergencies.

As for the posters saying DH should have sucked it up, I hope you are ashamed of yourselves. I bet you wouldn't be saying the same if it were a woman throwing up, raging fever and too weak to stand. Not all men are lazy. Would you like him to take the child to school and fall ill on the way, leaving her in a very vulnerable situation?

OP's employers are the ones who need the contingency plan. That's part of running a business. This is the first time in nine years it has happened so OP has childcare pretty well organised so they wouldn't have a right to give OP a hard time. But according to OP's latest posts it seems they are dealing with it so all good.

God if DH or I had a stomach bug etc in the night we’d expect the other adult to sleep in order to function the next day. What were you actually doing for him in the night? I wouldn’t be cleaning up sick for him in case I then went down with it!

You could join the WhatsApp group then mute it to avoid constant messages. You would then still be able to unmute it if needed to get in contact with those in the group.

Did you manage to get him a GP appointment? If he is on immunosuppressants then he is more prone to sepsis.

Bloody hell! What a lot of unkind replies! This has never happened to OP before so she asked what to expect.

OP you sound super reliable and conscientious. I think it’s a bit off of your boss to only be ok about it and to make you take the hours off unpaid. Start looking for jobs that value you!

I hope your husband is ok. I do the school runs and have been sick once. My husband phoned in and told work he would be late. Yes it inconvenienced them but it cannot be helped that sometimes people are off. If a workplace cannot function without one staff member that just shows poor leadership and is absolutely not the fault of the person who is absent.

Regarding having nobody to ask in such an emergency - isn’t your husband friendly with any of the parents he’s stood in the playground with for the last few years? I’m an introvert but made a massive effort to get to know the other parents as this really affects DDs friendships and we can all be there for each other in an emergency.

I find the lack of empathy on this thread really upsetting.

No wonder the nhs is lacking in basic compassion when so many people can't seem to grasp that it's possible to be too ill to 'get on with it.'

My husband recently had flu and he was really ill for a pretty long time- I think people forget that actual flu is really nasty and debilitating. Flu in a person that is immunosuppressed person will be dangerous - hope he can get seen for advise. You were right to do the school run for him- it doesn’t sound like he was in any fit state to do it.