Malapropisms

[CaptainJinksOftheHorseMarines]

A number of us used to meet regularly every 6 weeks, and each time had to introduce ourselves by giving our name and title since there were sometimes new people at the meetings; and also to document who was in attendance in the minutes. There was a woman there who used to introduce herself every time as the “material” grandmother instead of maternal grandmother. Most of us at the meeting found her mistake amusing, but not in a mean way. I sometimes think back and wonder if I should have told her (privately) that she had it wrong. AIBU to have not said something at the time? Would it have been rude to? In a similar vein, when I was in elementary school, I used to believe the line in the Canadian national anthem, “Oh Canada! We stand on guard for thee” was actually, “Oh Canada! We stand on GOD for thee.” Six-year-old me couldn’t figure out why anybody would stand on God. What a dumb thing to do. It wasn’t until the words were put on an overhead projector during assembly a couple of years later that I realised that the correct word was actually “guard.” I still cringe when I think about it.

My grandmother once bought 'free stride' turkey. I can't remember whether she meant freeze dried or free range 😆

Same! And staying with the medical theme, two f
women i used to know were once talking about having an ulster in their stomachs.

If you get into trouble flying you might have to use the ejaculation seat.

I heard a woman in a beauty salon telling the beautician that she was going to catch the Eurostar from ‘St Pancreas’.

Not a spoken malapropism, I once received a work email that requested "please cascade this information to all steakholders".

Ha! Our puppy trainer once sent out a message saying that as we would be working outside, we might want to bring a 'ground steak' to keep our puppies safe.

I think mine would have been very happy with that...

I will wait to judge what kind of person someone is before correcting them. I have found that there are a significant number of ignorant people who believe that they can never be wrong. They are easy to spot within a few minutes and I leave them to revel in their idiocy. It seems like it is currently the crime of the century to some people to suggest that they are no correct about something.

My poor mum said she was going to "chuck that filthy Muslim in the machine" after my baby vommed on a muslin 🙈 she was MORTIFIED.

Many years ago when my sister was getting a new kitchen fitted she proudly told me she was having oink worktops - she meant onyx!

And when I worked in education a work colleague used to say kindergarden instead of kindergarten - I’ve heard it pronounced the wrong many times since too.

Also a work colleague thought a stress fracture was caused by exactly that - being stressed!

I did wonder how the pair of them managed to get a job in education - both were as thick as two short planks 🤣

Also, my 5 year old grandson proudly shows me his stiffycuts every week

Muslim cloths makes me laugh, others just really annoy me!!

So many people going on about underlining health issues during covid, its underlying!!

I cant stand people using defiantly instead of definitely either.

I am just crying with laughter at these - my DH who is sitting next to me thinks I am losing my mind 😂😂😂

😆

What on earth does he mean? It's early morning here and I can't even guess the word he's after. 😄

@OneLoyalGreyFish · Today 18:16

Many years ago when my sister was getting a new kitchen fitted she proudly told me she was having oink worktops - she meant onyx!

😂

Also, my 5 year old grandson proudly shows me his stiffycuts every week

Awww, An old boss of mine - in the 1990s - used to playfully say 'stickyfoots!' Not by mistake though, just to be playful.

I assumed "certificates" was the word he was after.

Yes - certificates.

Thanks, that makes sense! I can see (or hear) it now. 😄

😆 😘

We do it frequently, but deliberately, at work; we say destructions instead of instructions and to be honest with some of our pupils we aren’t far wrong 🤣

When we get a new technician they give us odd looks for a few weeks until they get to know us better!

We have a few others but they only make sense if you know the technical lingo in physics.

In ancient times, before pocket calculators were a thing, my DF used a slide rule for doing complex calculations.

My DB used to ask DF if he could borrow his slime drool.

Certificates?

Talking of Spoonerisms (and apologies if this has already been mentioned) on another thread it was noted that Shiloh Pitt is unfortunate in that respect…

My mum once asked a butcher for a jar of ‘fuck dat’.

She was mortified; he nearly choked laughing.

I have a friend noted for verbal fusterclucks (example: "drowned as a sodden rabbit") who at the end of a night out suggested we make our way to the "taxi ranch", presumably with the intention of lassoing one to take us home.