Malapropisms

[CaptainJinksOftheHorseMarines]

A number of us used to meet regularly every 6 weeks, and each time had to introduce ourselves by giving our name and title since there were sometimes new people at the meetings; and also to document who was in attendance in the minutes. There was a woman there who used to introduce herself every time as the “material” grandmother instead of maternal grandmother. Most of us at the meeting found her mistake amusing, but not in a mean way. I sometimes think back and wonder if I should have told her (privately) that she had it wrong. AIBU to have not said something at the time? Would it have been rude to? In a similar vein, when I was in elementary school, I used to believe the line in the Canadian national anthem, “Oh Canada! We stand on guard for thee” was actually, “Oh Canada! We stand on GOD for thee.” Six-year-old me couldn’t figure out why anybody would stand on God. What a dumb thing to do. It wasn’t until the words were put on an overhead projector during assembly a couple of years later that I realised that the correct word was actually “guard.” I still cringe when I think about it.

She also bought me Fifty Shades of Grey as a Christmas present one year. When I opened it everyone fell about laughing. She was bemused and said 'But Geppili, you love interior decor!' The whole family were in hysterics.

Great thread, thanks

When DC was a toddler he had a yellow, stretchy jelly man, the sort kids get in party bags. While doing ‘a show’ sometime later he addressed his audience as, “ladies and jelly man, boys and girls”.

😆😆😆😆😆

that's brilliant.

This is common with people who watched Coronation St in the days of Hilda Ogden who called her alpine scene with flying ducks a 'murial'. I call them murials occasionally with DH as a joke and a memory. I wouldn't use it in a public speech though, perhaps.?

Disconnected coconut in our house.

Are there any MN-ers who can say if the above situation happens in non-english speaking countries? It may be (yet) another why the English are traditionally so bad at learning other languages i.e. some can't differentiate basic vocabulary.
My own mother has used all sorts of wrong words for years and struggles to say words like "anaesthetist". Despite decades of travelling to France she only has the very basics... I wonder if there's a bit of the brain that doesn't strike right.

I always have to think about that one - 'prostate' as in the gland and 'prostrate' to lie flat.

My bestie is terrible at this. We went out for a chinese meal and she questioned the waiter about the "crispy atomic duck" and "magnolia lamb" (aromatic duck and mongolian lamb)
She also says things like "By the string of my teeth" and "Its a spigure of feech!"

When my DS was little he used to talk about ‘Vikings and Viqueens’ 🥰

There was a film with very nearly that title decades ago - ‘Every Little Crook and Nanny’. A clever crime one - v good as I recall.

My DH'S nan came to visit not long after we had redecorated. I smiled politely when she said "oooh I like your eucalyptus wallpaper" (anaglypta that we had painted over) but when she told me how much she wanted a dildo rail I had to ram my fist in my mouth to stop howling with laughter.

MIL again talking about a neighbour her
her son is acoustic ( autistic)
Her elderly friend had Dementia and poor woman had a psychotic episode
MIL have you heard about x ? She’s a psychopath now

Not a malapropism but when I was little my DM was in hospital quite a lot. I got used to visiting her in the big old-fashioned general hospital . . . it was basically a long corridor with all the wards branching off. It started with the medical wards, female on one side of the corridor and male on the opposite side. Then the surgical wards, again female one side and male on the other. Eventually after a lot of ill health it was decided that DM needed a hysterectomy so she was admitted to the gynae ward . . . there was no ward on the opposite side and when I went to visit her I asked where the male gynae ward was! My family have never let me forget this, particularly as I ended up having a career in the NHS!

Oh this one had me laughing out loud! Thank you, I needed that this morning.

I say desecrated coffee deliberately, cos that's exactly what it is.

Sorry, but I'm in kinks at dildo rail!

Tbf a beagle would probably quite like to be buttered

for ages I thought "parting" was "parton" due to how my nan said it. I thought that's where Dolly Parton got her name.

My mum once referred to a child in a dance school show as “promiscuous” instead of “precocious” - LOUDLY

I'd forgotten this; my mum was telling me that my dad was digging a large hole in the garden for a septic tank. I said I thought that might be too much for him, and she replied that he'd 'got a little KGB to help him'. I know Vladimir Putin isn't very tall...

A friend of mine once described someone as much misaligned (maligned).

I know someone who used to work for a shopfitters firm. She once answered the phone:' 'Hello, this is X Shoplifters'.

A friend of mine, as a child, thought that the line 'Long to reign over us' in 'God save the Queen/ King' meant that it would rain over us for a long time. Rather appropriate for the British National Anthem!

I once heard a headteacher refer at a meeting to 'my school's incest days'. (For MN-ers outside the UK: she meant in-service training days, usually known as INSET days.)

We went to church for a few months in the build up to our wedding.

At a certain point all the congregation turned to each other, shook hands and said "peace be with you".

Except both of us thought it was "pleased to meet you" and spent weeks shaking hands and saying this before we realised.

My DM once said 'The stable door has already bolted'.