To be put off by his literacy issues?

[Saratoga212]

It's becoming increasingly clear that bf (9.yrs older) has literacy issues.

After numerous things I, gently, suggested perhaps he could be dyslexic but not diagnosed due to lack of awareness and diagnosis when he was at school ..... He didn't say much at the time but has since expressed considerable offence at the suggestion
.
(I actually thought I was being diplomatic, as opposed to saying "how can your literacy be so poor, coming from a family of teachers?" (The females in the family are/were teachers; I get the impression his late father was not literate)).

I'm also finding it off-putting, especially because he sometimes overcompensates/deflects by acting as though I am slow and obtuse when not grasping what he is saying in his incomprehensible texts.

(He mostly avoids texting).

Would this put you off someone for a relationship?

From his offence at what I said, I don't think he would be remotely open to eg an adult literacy course.

not his fault, not your fault. The heart wants what it wants and your heart doesn't seem to want him unless he changes. Changing is his choice, not yours. I didn't vote because literacy is not the only factor about a person, look at Jay Blades.

They can do things related to their job. Not write essays.

Honestly OP the more you write the worse he sounds, way beyond the literacy issue. He's lazy and he seems to want to live however he likes and expect everyone else to run round compensating for his choices. I want an equal partner, not to be someone's support human.

Don't waste any more time on him.

Why on earth are you bothering? He’s unemployed, his friends are the kind of blokes who discuss porn with each other, he stinks of fags and is already showing signs of being rude, dismissive and belittling of you as a way to put you in your place if it looks as if you’re criticising him. That’s before you even get to the fact he is illiterate. 6 months? Fgs dump him.

Most will have some very basic level of literacy and be good with numbers. Many dyslexics have very good visual skills

But jobs like driving are reliant on visual skills, especially back in the day before satnav being able to visualise on a paper map where you are going and being to retain that info.

Same with many trades being able to look at a drawing and create a building out of it.

Life is probably harder now needing CVs to even get an interview etc

And the YOU doing the legwork for smoking cessation after only 6 months is a massive red flag. For you too, not just him. Already a nice dynamic developing where the boor of a bloke moans about something, Wifey In Training scurries about sorting it all out for Boor because… well, female! - and then Boor does nothing about it anyway. Great.

Get out of this one now and have a good think about how you even ended up starting to act the parent when you haven’t been in a relationship any time at all!

Yes but what jobs want absolutely nothing in writing and don't mind that the person cannot write? Presumably they lied with the cover letter and CV when they applied for the job as well, or at least it was assumed they were literate by the employer? I guess maybe driving jobs don't require much paperwork. What happens with anything else though? Life admin? Or if there's an incident at work and they need to fill in a form? Do their wives do all their life admin? Can they read forms? Signage? Instructions?

Aside from those with severe disabilities preventing them, why have these men chosen to live like this. I'm absolutely baffled, this is some 17th century shit. I did not know this was even possible in this day and age. One man can't write his wife's name! This isn't a class thing either. I grew up on a really rough council estate and I didn't know a single illiterate person. I am gobsmacked.

Youd be surprised by how many nurses and midwives can do all the documentation related to their every day job, but hobbled through their degree/diploma and couldnt compose a 500 word essay on their field to a high GCSE standard now.

If the man can't look things up on Google, he can't handle even simple text.

I had a tiler working on a refurb. The guy, Gary, was gifted, a real craftsman. After he'd ignored my notes about the work he was doing, I told the head builder he was wasting time by persisting with work that wasn't turning out right; did he have a problem with me? That's when I found out Gary couldn't read. But I mustn't tell him I knew.

I then left the notes for builder guy so he could tell Gary. Unfortunately Gary always turned up first, so he'd get stuck in and then lose his rag at the boss when he told him to do it differently. That sort of thing must happen aaaall the time when you can't read. Then there's road signs, the labels on shopping, menus, timetables, instructions, addresses, special offers, all sorts of things.

Writing is communication. It's utter nonsense to say it doesn't matter.

In any case, OP's boyfriend sounds like a loser and a wanker.

I havent read anything about him. I just know many skilled workers had/have low literacy levels.

You haven't read anything about whom? My tiler from years ago??

[Edit] You must mean OP's boyfriend. So you haven't bothered to read her own posts. Poor show.

Well the tiler and OP's bf (other than the OP)

Things like shopping have lots of visual stuff too, like beans have pictures of beans, a bag of frozen peas have peas on it.

Being able to read the odd word on a road sign is a totally different thing to being able to read a book.

I can't speak or read French but I know the odd French word, but I know the word that looks pollo is chicken, steak hacht is burger, again a menu is a different thing to a book or reading stuff on line.
So I imagine it's similar to reading in English they must have some basic words.

Yeah, it would put me off I'm afraid. I am astounded by how many people can't get the basics right, such as : there, they're, their and your, you're. My friend who is very high up in a Bank, texted me to say she was "on route". Argh.

It’s really easy to just view the OPs posts, there is a handy little button. It helps to make sure your contribution to a thread is relevant.

A lot of manual labour, construction, roads, driving, cleaning,factory work, farm hand, labourer, bins,painting, at an entry level of job yoh can be functionally illiterate and very capable of the job.

About 1 in 5 adults have issues with their literacy.

He sounds like so many adult learners I've ever met, the defensiveness, the avoidance, the denial. Even the family issues are common. Trust me, he knows.

Both of my younger children are dyslexic, and I'm fairly certain my husband is too. He's a project manager for a well known retail company.

"he sometimes overcompensates/deflects by acting as though I am slow and obtuse when not grasping what he is saying in his incomprehensible texts."

This is why it puts her off.

Nothing to do with being shallow

There is not on the app. This is posted every time someone posts as you have.

My DH's literacy skills aren't great and I too suspect undiagnosed dyslexia. He had big issues at school with his reading and writing and ending up changing schools and his mum spending a lot of time with him helping him. I think he's only realised himself in the last few years, when our nieces surpassed his ability to read when they were about 7 or 8. He often comments how quickly I read something. He doesn't read books because he gets too frustrated as he's so slow and misses great chunks of text or context. Even reading a joke on a birthday card takes ages and he'll often get the phrasing wrong because he doesn't see the punctuation.

That said, he's a qualified professional with a degree, so it's not held him back in life in general.

His writing is definitely better than his reading, so thankfully his texts are comprehensible, albeit with some spelling errors.

I learned a long time ago that he needs to come to the realisation himself that there's an issue as he hates being pointed out when he's used the wrong word or spelling.

As others have said, even if he got a diagnosis of dyslexia, how is it going to help him? There's no miraculous cure and if he's otherwise getting on in life, what does it really matter? Other than to be able to say "sorry if I got something wrong - I'm dyslexic".

I'm not with DH for his writing or reading skills though, so ultimately it's something I've had to learn to not be bothered by.

A woman i know once told me something interesting about her husband.

He was applying for a job as a train driver, which is a rigorous process, in the extreme; and he was apparently struggling.

She said his SPaG, and the general timbre of his writing made her flinch.
She said 'i didn't know he was this stupid'.

@Saratoga212 she sounds lovely.

@ConsistentlyElectrifiedElves the Op is clearly taking about much more severe difficulties than your DH experiences.

Your DH must have a higher level of literacy than 7 or 8 yos.
You need a decent level of literacy to be able to access the rest of the curriculum and pass the exams.
No use being fab at maths or chemistry if you can't read the questions in the exam paper.

I wouldn’t contemplate this relationship for a second.