To be put off by his literacy issues?

[Saratoga212]

It's becoming increasingly clear that bf (9.yrs older) has literacy issues.

After numerous things I, gently, suggested perhaps he could be dyslexic but not diagnosed due to lack of awareness and diagnosis when he was at school ..... He didn't say much at the time but has since expressed considerable offence at the suggestion
.
(I actually thought I was being diplomatic, as opposed to saying "how can your literacy be so poor, coming from a family of teachers?" (The females in the family are/were teachers; I get the impression his late father was not literate)).

I'm also finding it off-putting, especially because he sometimes overcompensates/deflects by acting as though I am slow and obtuse when not grasping what he is saying in his incomprehensible texts.

(He mostly avoids texting).

Would this put you off someone for a relationship?

From his offence at what I said, I don't think he would be remotely open to eg an adult literacy course.

They probably do have enough literacy skills to navigate life
but you get arsehole grammar police picking fault and correcting them about punctuation
The lack of full stops and paragraphs isn’t going to hinder you in a lot of jobs

as I posted before I struggle with literacy. But reading the replies on her just confirms how people judge you and Look down on you over it

I'd be fine with dyslexia, lack of literacy through lack of education would be a no from me.

That's not the case with some in replies though. You're clearly able to get your point across with written words. We are communicating. She can't even text her boyfriend and somebody else said their husband couldn't write her name! These people won't be able to read instructions on important things like medication, allergy advice/ingredients or the booklets for adjusting the boiler/heating settings or resetting an electric oven, or looking up what a fault light or error code means on a washing machine or car.

Then at work it's the same. Aside from the most basic of jobs I can't imagine many people would want to hire somebody who cannot read. Lots of people saying farm hand but I ran a farm and I would not have somebody who couldn't read dosage on cattle wormer or do some napkin math for how much fertiliser to use.

@rwalker people absolutely look down on you for it. And people are also self-conscious.

I was working with someone also dyslexic. I tend to notice words that don't look right, but I'd also be doubting myself and nor do I know how to fix it, other than spell check. Every single time he was on the defensive "I'm dyslexic" I'd be "I know but we need to check it and fit it"

The example of reading medication instructions has been used a few times. Does anyone in real life actually do this???😂

na he knows and is being defensive over it when you say you cant unerstand his text

people only use internet for OLD? obviously thats bolloks-

Medication and doseage is a much maths as it is words 250ml 3 times a day.

But the issue is as much his attitude as his difficulties. If he was a mature, sensible man with a reasonable outlook, he might say ‘Yes, I do have this issue, I had a poor education unfortunately but I’d love to improve my literacy’ then that wouldn’t be an issue at all.

However he’s clearly insecure about it (which is fine) and handles that in a very UNreasonable way - by gaslighting and belittling as an immediate attack response. So no. You can’t work with that when the issue of his lack of literacy is coming up ALL the time - hampering communication and the development of the relationship. He sounds quite a lot of a boor who doesn’t like being on the back foot and will act the twat to counteract it. BIN.

I personally wouldn't be put off by the literacy issue in itself. After all, there are multiple big grammar errors in your first post (and subsequent posts). I do appreciate though that his errors are probably way more drastic and incomprehensible.

Again, I'd be fine with those mistakes – might even find them endearing – but would probably be turned off by any disproportionate defensiveness from him. I totally get being initially defensive, but if that morphs into long-term denial I might get a tad annoyed.

Do you not?! Do you just randomly chuck random dosages of meds down your throat at random times of day??

My father was illiterate, as was his father. He worked as a driver. His father had been a labourer and a factory hand.

How else would you know how much to take and at what intervals?

It's not being shallow.

Some people want an equal in a relationship and don't want to struggle with communication or anger when their other half can't.

The doc tells you? I don’t then feel the need to go back and read the packet incase it has changed overnight and the label magically updated.

I was going to say something like this. After 6 months you should still be really into each other. It’s time to move on.

The OP asked if id date someone with low literacy. I said yes. I cant think what other posts will add to the thread title.

This would be a deal breaker for me. Although I’m very much attracted to men with post-graduate educations. And a tiny bit of me dies inside when I read something with a wrongly placed apostrophe, or a lack of when to correctly use your/you’re, to/too/two, there/their/they’re. That’s me though—how do you feel OP?

I’d be curious to know how his numeracy is, which to me could be an even bigger deal breaker due to potential implications on finances (understanding interest rates, compound interest, etc).

If you came here to get ‘permission’ to not be okay with his literacy level, don’t feel bad, especially if he won’t look at it as a learning opportunity to gain some new skills. Maybe he’s not Your Person, and that’s okay.

Agreed.

After all, there are multiple big grammar errors in your first post (and subsequent posts).

Please list them.

I'd like to avoid grammatical mistakes.

Probably not for things like ibuprofen but eventually everybody gets old and sick. My grandmother takes a while cocktail of stuff and she had to be able to read the dose, frequency and interactions. It helps to be able to check the side effects too as some are normal and expected and some are not and can be severe.

You are allowed to break up with someone for any reason you like. I once went off a man because he pronounced the “l” in folks.

I have no explanation or reasoning, but I love this! 😂

So they were capable of passing the written portion of the driving test.

You don’t take any over the counter meds? Dont ever have cause to check the side effects?

I feel like usually on Mumsnet we see people saying that a large age gap in relationships creates power imbalance and that is why it's wrong even if they are both consenting adults.

How anybody can think a man who cannot spell his own wife's name is an intellectual equivalent is beyond me. It is an enormous power imbalance. I presume she had to read him all his letters and help him fill in every form. I literally couldn't date somebody who had less ability than a 7 year old and likely couldn't open a bank account, order their finances or even read a letter without assistance. I'm not talking about those with a few spelling errors or grammatical errors. It's so strange, especially in a country with free education, libraries, the internet.

That's only been since 1996, not sure about Ireland but probably similar.