To be put off by his literacy issues?

[Saratoga212]

It's becoming increasingly clear that bf (9.yrs older) has literacy issues.

After numerous things I, gently, suggested perhaps he could be dyslexic but not diagnosed due to lack of awareness and diagnosis when he was at school ..... He didn't say much at the time but has since expressed considerable offence at the suggestion
.
(I actually thought I was being diplomatic, as opposed to saying "how can your literacy be so poor, coming from a family of teachers?" (The females in the family are/were teachers; I get the impression his late father was not literate)).

I'm also finding it off-putting, especially because he sometimes overcompensates/deflects by acting as though I am slow and obtuse when not grasping what he is saying in his incomprehensible texts.

(He mostly avoids texting).

Would this put you off someone for a relationship?

From his offence at what I said, I don't think he would be remotely open to eg an adult literacy course.

He’s 9 years older than OP. She doesn’t say how long they have been together.

She’d probably dump you too.

He won't deal with it - so I'd be out.
Leave him to it.

😂

You sounds pretty nasty, OP.

I'm dyslexic. Those 'courses' you suggest are absolute bollocks and all they serve to do is make people who are already self conscious be even more so. They 'fix' absolutely nothing.

You should let your BF go so he can date someone less judgmental.

And, just to add, if someone said to me what you've said to him - they'd be gone faster than a donut near Homer Simpson. I'm not surprised he was upset by your suggestion. It's rude and unnecessary. People who struggle with things like dyslexia are 100% aware of it and don't need sanctimonious pillocks trying to push 'cures' on them.

It depends how it manifests in a relationship. I saw someone older who was diagnosed dyslexic. He knew his spelling was crap and preferred to call rather than text. However he'd always call at inappropriate times, such as when I was at work (several times a day). I suggested he send voice notes if he didn't want to text, but he didn't want to do that - probably because he liked to talk over me all the time! He also showed racist and homophobic tendencies so he got the boot.

I am ''very'' dyslexic but there is no excuse for laziness. It is so easy to correct bad spelling. I don't like to see other people's poor spelling and consider it unacceptable. I could not have relationship with someone like that.

No mistakes on this reply. 😂

‘I'm also finding it off-putting, especially because he sometimes* overcompensates/deflects by acting as though I am slow and obtuse when not grasping what he is saying in his incomprehensible texts

Assuming his literacy doesn’t otherwise impact on your day to day life, it probably wouldn’t be something that really bothered me, personally.

But are you considering ending it because of his abilities or because he’s an absolute dick about not being able to do something? The above would be my biggest issue and would definitely put me off. If you want to carry on, I think I would be inclined to stamp on that behaviour very quickly. Something like ‘Whether you want to admit it or not, your texts often make no sense at all. Now I’m fine with that because I don’t think an ability to text is what makes a person’s character. What I am not fine with is you making out that I am being slow/obtuse when I ask for clarification on what you mean. It’s unacceptable, so if you want to continue in this relationship, stop doing it please’.

Judging by his response to your dyslexia comment, I think he’ll consider that you ‘insulted’ him first and he’ll be so defensive that there’ll only be one outcome. I think that the future of this relationship might just depend on you pretending he’s akin to Susie Dent while also pretending that it’s your fault that you can’t understand his texts. That is something that would definitely bother me.

🤣🤣@OPOPONAX4 from. Should learn to read things back. No idea how that was autocorrected to frime 🤣🤣

That would absolutely put me off too. Also, you don’t have to be ‘reasonable’. There’s no tribunal he can take you to for not fancying him.

Poor guy.

I am sure he feels awful and ashamed, driven by the attitudes shown here, and has spent a lifetime trying to hide his difficulties.

It would only bother me if his poor literacy was due to him being a bit dim. If my partner was intelligent, and that was reflected in our conversation, it wouldn't bother me at all. My brother is dyslexic. Highly intelligent but can't spell. Doesn't cross my mind to be concerned about his spelling when I need to decipher a text. I know what he means.

I don't think relationships generally work when one person is significantly more intelligent than the other. That's not anything to do with spelling.

If you've asked him enough times for you to notice a pattern of him deflecting and being defensive, could it possibly be that he's fed up with being questioned about something he can't control?

If he is dyslexic, what do you want him to do about it? Does it affect other aspects of his life? If no then really I'd give it a rest. If you want to leave him over his spelling you can do.

This thread is so depressing to read. Dyslexia is a learning difficulty and has no bearing on intelligence. I don’t like text talk from an adult ‘wot u up 2’ but there’s a significant difference between those that chose to do it and those with Dyslexia.

It’s like saying if someone had a stutter you would leave them as it’s off putting?! How shallow is that?!

She doesn’t know if he has dyslexia, she only knows for sure he has signficant literacy issues. She’s not leaving him as he has dyslexia. Give over. But as he has literacy issues he won’t address and gaslights her.

She says he is nine years older than her, not that they have been together for nine years.

I’m assuming from what you’ve written that you’re referring to my post. Let me clarify that I wasn’t referring to dyslexia, dysgraphia etc that can affect spelling, I have said I could handle it if someone had a specific disability or were generally crap at spelling but otherwise intelligent.

Dyslexia etc aside though, a lot of people who can’t spell are dim, there’s no denying that. That’s the sort of people that I meant. Ones that just don’t see the value in education and are narrow minded and ignorant. Quite often, it goes hand in hand with poor literacy and a lack of care about improving.

I'd have no issue dating someone who struggled with literacy if they acknowledged it and tried to work around it (eg voice notes). If they tried blame me for my inability to read what they'd written I'd run a mile. It's not the poor literacy that's the problem, it's the attitude.

If your repeatedly making out you don't understand someone to make yourself feel superior you're in the wrong. We see it in this forum all the time, people acting like they don't understand what others have written just because it's not spelled or written 100% correctly

Aren’t you a charmer?

Maybe start using dictation for writing texts /sending him voice notes and see if he wants to use similar approaches. He might not be aware of the great developments which have been made in assistive technology. Ultimately though it is his choice and not up to you to change him. He has obviously survived independently as an adult for at least nine years (assuming you are an adult) and so his lifestyle is obviously working for him.

It says he’s 9 years older, not that they’ve been together for 9 years.

What about it? What I’ve said is factual. You made a post about dyslexic people, to which I said I wasn’t referring to. A lot of people who can’t spell, learning difficulties aside, are ignorant. You see it all over social media where people with ignorant views can’t string a sentence together.

@YoureALizardHarry11

Spelling has nothing to do with "being stupid".
If this man is dyslexic he will have suffered a life time of put downs and being called stupid by utterly ignorant people.
Dyslexia itself has absolutely nothing to do with someone's intelligence and many successful people have it.

Learning to spell is hard for some people because of the way our schools teach it. Ie some children need more help to over learn the spelling and use different strategies to learn them.
Our schools are so archaic they often don't grasp this or offer different strategies.

Children's self esteem can be damaged as young as 7 because they can't read or spell and guess what... Our schools do absolutely nothing to help them... Someone who can't spell or has literacy issues are failed by society.

We have all failed these students and the least we can do is recognise that and not call them stupid.

Why would it put you off? Are you really that shallow?

It's funny what people consider shallow and not shallow. It's generally accepted that it's fine to choose a partner based on unimportant physical attributes you find attractive (and to reject partners you find physically unattractive), and yet something like this, which could potentially affect how compatible you are in terms of what you enjoy doing etc is apparently shallow.

😆