To be a bit upset about clicky colleagues

[PrincessBananaH]

We are in a team of 10, all women in our 20s and 30s. I have noticed 3-4 of them have become quite close and often do things together outside of work, go out for lunch when in the office without inviting others and have their own Teams chat etc.
I am generally quite mature and don’t get absorbed into office dynamics (I am friendly and open with everyone but I am not clicky or bestie with anyone either) but this has been bothering me a bit lately. I noticed that if only one of the group is in the office, they’d just go on lunch by themselves rather than asking me or someone else to join them, for example.
Some of these behaviours bring me back to school days, AIBU to be bothered by it?

I hear you. It’s the same at my office. It used to bother me but I let it go over my head now. I just keep in mind that I am there to work so I crack on and do just that, keeping myself to myself.

That's cliquey. You're welcome.

Not BU, i'd feel the same, but keep being professional and try not to let it bother you. Don't show any annoyance, just get on with the job and be friendly to everyone like you are. People often form groups or cliques, especially if they feel a bit insecure or just want to belong, and it can feel unpleasant to be left out or not part of it, but it's just human nature for people to do this. You might be an introvert or just confident enough in your own skin to not want to be part of it. Let your colleagues get on with it.

I recommend cod liver oil

Surely that's just a small group of friends though rather than a clique? Sounds like they are not openly unpleasant, they just happen to get on with each other very well while you keep yourself to yourself.

Totally natural that you’d be triggered. That kind of thing can feel schooly no matter what age you are. But focus on your life outside of work and remember at the end of the day it’s nice to have work buddies but you’re not in the job to make friends.

I think 3 or 4 out of 10 is fine for them to be friends outside work. But:
This shouldn't affect their behaviour in the office at all
If there weren't many people in for any reason (eg holidays) it would be rude for them to talk about their plans infront of just a couple of people that aren't invited (if the majority of people aren't invited, it's just about ok)
It's not appropriate to have a work teams chat for a group of friends (unless they are all everyone in one team)

That is cliquey and immature in my eyes. You should be professional at work and that sounds like school behaviour to me. It would bother me too as I’m quite a sensitive person and I would never act like that at work as I know how it would make people feel. Ok if you get on more with some people, it’s bound to happen, but you can still be friendly and professional with all colleagues. Just try to continue to be friendly and rise above it.

What does 'clicky' mean?

I have cliquey ex colleagues. I saw a photo on Facebook of a group of colleagues who retired the same time as I did out for lunch. I wasn’t invited.

Cliquey Cliques used to annnoy me when I or others were left out.

I'm mid 50s now and suffer from JOMO (the Joy of Missing Out) and I love it......

Sorry you're annoyed with the situation OP x

Sorry all for the misspelling! (Not UK native)

YABU, they're friends now and that's allowed.

They shouldn't have to invite everyone whenever they want to go out as a friendship group.

As long as they're not giving anyone the cold shoulder inside of work, or acting unprofessionally I don't see a problem.

OP means clique. A group of people who don't let "outsiders" in to their friendship group.

She means cliquey, as in a clique seem to be in charge. I couldn't help myself with a comment about cod liver oil. It makes my teeth itch like 'specific' being said as 'pacific' or idioms like 'the proof is in the pudding' No!!! The proof of the pudding is in the eating!!!!

I think it's really obvious what the OP means, and if someone didn't get it by the thread title, the opening post makes it crystal clear 🙄

They are good friends. It’s ok to make good friends within a larger group. If it were 8 out of the 10 work colleagues, yes, it would be exclusionary, but 4 work friends spending time together is not.

In a team of 10 there are always going to be people you get on with better than others. I’m in a similar sized team, and I have a couple of good friends amongst them that I sometimes eat lunch with, but there are others I don’t ’chat’ with, even though I’m perfectly professional and get on with them when it’s work time.

Maybe you should try harder to 'help yourself'?

YABU. It’s natural that some people will click more with each other than with others. Would be different if it was say 6 workers and 5 in a group leaving one out.

If only one was in and they asked someone else to lunch, it would look like they were “using” them as none of their group was in.

I preferred not being friends with colleagues as it made life so much easier.

"Makes my teeth itch" makes my teeth itch

I had a very small group I was friends with at work years ago -three of us. We worked in a team of around 30 people. We just happened to all get on really well -so well that we were bridesmaids for each other and still keep in contact and go out occasionally. I'd hate if someone had classed us as a clique. I liked my other colleagues and would chat and have a laugh, but wouldn't have necessarily gone for lunch with them like I did with my closer friends. I remember other small groups forming too. It's just natural really. As long as nobody is unpleasant or mean, I think its fine.
Have you actually asked anyone to go for lunch OP?

@Itsallfunngamesuntil love the JOMO idea, need to work towards that more.
TBH I don’t care what they do outside of work as I don’t even want to spend my limited free time with them but it’s the office behaviour that bothers me a bit

I hate cliqueyness too there’s just no need for it’s it’s damn rude. Ok people are entitled to form friendship groups but in a group setting it’s rude and thoughtless to exclude people and not to at least invite. I just wouldn’t do it to people.

I found this is normal in every job I’ve ever had anyway! I’ve just started a new job and the manager has said she doesn’t want people to make friends 🙄as she doesn’t want cliques! Not sure how she can enforce that but hey ho!