To be a bit upset about clicky colleagues

[PrincessBananaH]

We are in a team of 10, all women in our 20s and 30s. I have noticed 3-4 of them have become quite close and often do things together outside of work, go out for lunch when in the office without inviting others and have their own Teams chat etc.
I am generally quite mature and don’t get absorbed into office dynamics (I am friendly and open with everyone but I am not clicky or bestie with anyone either) but this has been bothering me a bit lately. I noticed that if only one of the group is in the office, they’d just go on lunch by themselves rather than asking me or someone else to join them, for example.
Some of these behaviours bring me back to school days, AIBU to be bothered by it?

To be honest I think it’s better that the single one doesn’t anyone else to join them for lunch when the rest of them aren’t in

Being excluded is never nice but have you tried initiating lunch or a coffee?

Next time some of them are away, ask the remaining colleagues if they want to have lunch.

Or make a plan to have a treat (pizza delivered, Nando's, walk to cafe etc) and put it in everyone's diaries.

I've just put lunch in with 2 colleagues that I haven't caught up with in a year. I chose the time and the restaurant and sent them the invite.

In my experience people love it when you take the decision making away from them sometimes.

It's natural for some people to be closer than others in a group. It wouldn't bother me int he slightest. You're not the only one who isn't invited so it's not malicious. I'm the one that likes to be alone at lunch.

I noticed that if only one of the group is in the office, they’d just go on lunch by themselves rather than asking me or someone else to join them, for example.

This 'behaviour' bothers you, why?

It'd be worse if they only asked others when their friends weren't around.

You'd be saying they're using people.

This.
It would come across as "you'll do".

Not cliquey....some have become friends. they domt imclude you because youre a colleague. They have a different relationship

Not everyone can be friends with everyone. It's not a crime.

They’re friends, that’s allowed.

Do they have bad hips making them clicky?
I think you mean cliquey (as in a clique)

This.

@VestibuleVirgin yes we have already been through this in PP, thanks

Did it make you feel better making fun of her spelling when she's not from the UK? Pathetic.

I've always thought it was "cliquish."

It doesn't seem unreasonable. There are a small group of them who see each other out of work as friends as well as colleagues. They don't sound like they are bitching and whispering about everyone else, so it's perfectly fine.

I understand why if there is just one of them there they just go off for lunch alone. Surely you'd be aggrieved if they asked you to go just because they were lonely and their friends weren't there - and then dropped you when the others were back?

I genuinely can't see what they are doing wrong.

Do you ever ask one of these people to join you for lunch when their mates aren’t around? Or is it somehow their job to do all the inviting?

I never get this outrage about people being friends with one another at work.

You can make your own friends too if you want. It’s not against the rules.

”I noticed that if only one of the group is in the office, they’d just go on lunch by themselves rather than asking me or someone else to join them, for example.”

This jumped out at me, next time this happens why don’t you ask them if they want to go for lunch instead of waiting for them to ask you? They probably think you’re not interested in being friends with them. Sounds like they’ve just clicked with each other rather than formed a clique.

I don't see the problem if 3-4 out of 10 are a close group.

Maybe it’s their joints giving them trouble…

People are allowed to make friends at work. Leaving one person out would be an issue; leaving 6/10 out is not.

Not everyone has to be friends.

From the OP I really don't understand the problem. There's a group of colleagues who are friends, they go to lunch together, if only one is in that person goes to lunch alone?

But then also OP says they don't want to be friends with this group as they don't want to spend their free time with them?

Why does it bother you if you do not want to be friends with them (as you say)

It is almost as if you begrudge them having some fun at work?

In my current job I’ve sometimes felt like you do OP but I just have to cast my mind back to other workplaces where two or three of us have particularly hit it off or work together a lot, you naturally end up socialising more but it’s not about who you’re “excluding”. Partly it’s natural affinity, partly convenience if you’ve got similar taste in lunch or whatever, but I’d say it’s mainly because trying to organise 10 people synchronising lunch and fitting them round a table is a royal pain in the arse whereas 2/3 is very manageable.

It’s not about you, if there are people you like why don’t you see if they want to have lunch?

Don’t do what a former colleague did and accuse them of bullying you because they’ve gone to buy a sandwich together .

I reckon you COULD have helped yourself, you know. I really really think you COULD have avoided posting a nasty little comment

But maybe I'm projecting kindness onto you, which you don't possess

OP....ignore the grammar witches

Re your work issue. . .I'm guessing those four particular colleagues only like each other. Not a lot you can do. I don't think it reflects badly on you 🥰😍