To be a bit upset about clicky colleagues

[PrincessBananaH]

We are in a team of 10, all women in our 20s and 30s. I have noticed 3-4 of them have become quite close and often do things together outside of work, go out for lunch when in the office without inviting others and have their own Teams chat etc.
I am generally quite mature and don’t get absorbed into office dynamics (I am friendly and open with everyone but I am not clicky or bestie with anyone either) but this has been bothering me a bit lately. I noticed that if only one of the group is in the office, they’d just go on lunch by themselves rather than asking me or someone else to join them, for example.
Some of these behaviours bring me back to school days, AIBU to be bothered by it?

You know fine well what the OP means. Even if you were a bit confused about title the OP is perfectly clear.

this!

Years ago I started work at the same time as another woman of roughly the same age, and there was a group there who used to do basically what the OP is accusing her colleagues of...have lunch at the same time together and hang out outside of work. They were welcoming to both of us new starters, and invited us to have lunch with them, and go to the pub etc., and I always said yes and tried to make an effort myself, e.g. sitting near them if there was a spare space (hot desk office), starting conversations, making cups of tea etc. The woman who started the same time as me nearly always refused the invitations to lunch and preferred to sit on her own.

Within a few months I became part of 'the group' and despite leaving that workplace am still really good friends with some of them years later, have been to each others weddings etc. I happened to see the woman that started the same time as me the other day and chatted to her, and she basically accused us all of being 'cliquey,' leaving her out, etc...which I found completely weird because we were both treated exactly the same way when I started, but she made very clear she wasn't interested in being friends and just wanted a working relationship - which was obviously completely fine but then it seems a bit unfair to start moaning that people stopped inviting you to the lunch or the pub when you've rejected the past x many invites!

Don't be an arse OP has said she isnt from the UK . You know fine what she means.

Grow up. If you must be a twat at least try and be original.

Wankers

Start your own rival clique with all the others? You'll be the bigger group.

You could do a rap battle or make a musical about it or something.

Why don't you read the whole fucking thread. You would see that i have apologised to OP.
But, I was not the first to say this. Have you had a pop at the other PP who pointed it out, are are you just picking on one tonight?

Clique wars

I do think there is something in the female energy that enjoys leaving people out.

It's like a power play.

You're included. You're not included. We are better than you. Women form cliques and leave others out

You see it everywhere. School, college, work.

If you read the whole fucking thread you will see that I called out several twats for the same thing.
Maybe have a think about why you felt the need to try and ridicule the OP. You may well have apologised but it would have been so much better if you hadn't said it in the first place. You wouldn't have had anything to apologise for if you hadn't said it.

@rainbowunicorn

Yes mum, i will go away and have a think because you told me to.
Of course, you are never horrid at all, a real paragon, non-bitchy, even -tempered and saintly person, who has never said anything to anyone that might upset them
Mother Theresa is back

They have obviously hit it off and get on well. I don't really understand why it bothers you so much?

I usually just ask to join the clique as I get FOMO!
Have you asked to goto lunch with them?

You just keep showing yourself up don't you?

Why are you so committed to being friends with this group rather than making friends with the other 4 or 5 people in your office ?

In your eyes
😂😂

😂

OP... been there. I found it quite hard at first.
Be friendly but just let them get on with it. Its only three of them who do it.
Maybe consciously make your own varied plans for your lunch hour, it will take the emphasis off them. I did a lot of walking and exploring. Admittedly, it helped that it was in a city centre.

I laughed!

(Though I also had a hideous flashback to the orange-flavoured cod liver oil my mother used to dose us with as small children — why anyone thought adding orange to fish flavour was a good idea beats me…)

I don’t think anyone’s doing anything wrong here. People can, and always will, like some colleagues more than others. If it’s not involving unprofessional or unpleasant behaviour, and it doesn’t sound as though it is,

@Everanewbie your comment was amusing, and it was right at the start of the thread. You didn't keep putting down the OP either, unlike others.

Fair play for apologising, that's very decent of you.

and mine.

OP it’s a tough one. At least they’re a minority group, and you can’t stop people being friends, it doesn’t sound like they’re deliberately leaving people out. Just carry on being pleasant and friendly to everyone, and maybe suggest whole team socials.

As you seem to like a bit of pedantry, teeth can’t itch. And it’s a cringy phrase.

I think it evokes the irrational irritation felt. I’m sorry you don’t like this figure of speech.

If 3-4 are good friends and there are 5 other people not in the clique that's fine. Just because they get on well together it doesn't follow that they are sociable and comfortable with people they don't know which may explain why they prefer to eat alone rather than with someone they don't know.
I'd just be pleasant with them and chat more to the others. If they aren't being rude or unpleasant to you then don't overthink it. Most people have some people they get on with better than others.

right but nothing OP has said suggests that is happening.

Just because she feels unwelcome doesn't mean they are purposefully doing it

The things they seem to be doing like not inviting 10 people to lunch at the same time - seem completely normal, and practical tbh.
It's hard to see how them not inviting OP to have lunch together is purposefully making her feel unwelcome when she....also doesn't invite everyone else to lunch at the same time as her.

It's doubtful they thing of themselves as a clique, just a group of friends and there are more people 'outside' the "clique" than in it so it's hardly as if OP alone is being purposefully excluded.